


Detour

by RoseThorne



Series: Detour!verse [1]
Category: Slayers (Anime & Manga)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2018-04-19 21:30:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 32
Words: 72,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4761740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseThorne/pseuds/RoseThorne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A chance meeting leaves Xellos with an unexpected responsibility. Eventual X/Z. No spoilers for Revolution or Evolultion-R.</p><p>Chapter 32 posted 1.9.2018.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter One_

Xellos smiled as he dropped the sorcerer’s body. The human’s terror had been amusing, especially after he realized that the Mazoku wasn’t interested in bargaining no matter what information he was willing to divulge. Even if his orders had not been specific in regards to the sorcerer’s life, he wouldn’t have allowed this one to live; he was simply too much of a threat.

The Mazoku glanced around the lab at the tanks filled with mazoku-based chimera. Far too dangerous; his mistress had been correct. This human and his experiments had to be destroyed.

He waved his staff at a row of tanks and they shattered, dumping a mess onto the floor of the laboratory. The chimera from the tanks were beyond emotion, but that didn’t matter. The destruction was part of his job that he enjoyed even without negative emotions to reap.

Xellos raised his staff, prepared to incinerate the rest of the tanks, when a humanoid shape in one of the larger ones caught his eye. As he moved closer, he noticed that unlike the other chimera, this one was being kept alive, a breathing apparatus attached to its face and wires and tubes trailing from its body.

As he approached, he realized with a shock that he knew this chimera.

“Zelgadis-san…”

\--

The first thing Zelgadis was aware of was pain. His entire body hurt in ways that it hadn’t since he was fully human. For a moment, he wondered if he had been successfully cured, but when he moved his head slightly he could feel the resistance of his wire hair as it caught against whatever was below him. What had happened to him?

A soft, cool hand touched his forehead, startling him. “Stay still, Zelgadis-san.”

He recognized that voice, but not the gentle concern of its tone. “Xellos?” he whispered, shocked at how weak and hoarse his own voice was.

The hand moved behind his head, lifting it slightly, and he felt something at his lips. “Water, Zelgadis-san.” Xellos allowed him a few small sips before taking it away, and Zelgadis tried to grab it, but found that he was barely able to move. “Only a little. Too much will make you ill.”

Zelgadis suddenly realized that the water had been slightly bitter, and he forced himself to open his eyes. “Poison?”

Xellos frowned at him, his eyes closed. “Healing herbs.” The Mazoku stood. “They’ll help you sleep. I’ll be back later.”

Zel’s vision was blurring. “Where…?” he managed to murmur, then groaned softly as Xellos struck a recognizable pose. He didn’t even hear the familiar, irritating words before darkness claimed him again.

\--

Xellos watched Zelgadis sleep, frowning slightly. He had waited until the chimera had regained consciousness, but he had been reluctant to leave him even to report to Beastmaster, who had agreed, with no small amount of amusement, with his decision to save Zelgadis, even ordering him to escort him back to Seyruun. His relief had surprised him; he had been prepared to kill the chimera if his mistress had ordered it.

In Zelgadis’ condition, it would have been simple. Xellos had tried to reach Seyruun after destroying the laboratory by traveling quickly, only to find that exposure to the Astral Plane was pulling Zelgadis apart. The sorcerer had somehow wedged apart the brow demon, human, and golem parts of his soul. The energies of the Astral Plane had nearly ripped his soul and body in three. The result would have been death if they hadn’t left the Astral Plane immediately.

He almost regretted killing the sorcerer so quickly. He had no idea what had been done to Zelgadis, nor any idea how to undo it or if it could even be undone. Xellos had hoped to get him to Seyruun so Lina and Amelia could deal with it, but now it would be a difficult endeavor given how far across the continent they were.

The chimera had been in a drugged sleep in the hours since Xellos’ return, and in that time he had acquired clothing in the town market, and bandaged the punctures the tubes had left in Zelgadis’ body. He was now dressed in a pair of pajamas, with clothing and a cloak waiting for when he was able to travel. Xellos had even obtained a decent sword for him, to replace the one he hadn’t bothered to look for before destroying the lab.

Zelgadis moaned softly, his body shuddering as he woke from the drugged sleep. His eyes slid open and slowly fixed on Xellos, who felt his little thrill of fear, confusion, and pain. The chimera’s brow creased in concentration for a moment, and the Mazoku could feel those emotions calm before he spoke.

“What happened?” His voice was a bit stronger now.

Xellos had spent time considering how to answer that question, as well. “I found you being help captive in the course of my mission.”

Zelgadis’ brow creased further, and he seemed to be thinking. “Captive?”

“A sorcerer. It appears he was conducting chimera experiments on you.”

The blue eyes widened in understanding, and Xellos felt that fear again. “I heard he had a library; someone recommended I go there to search, so I did. I don’t remember anything after that.” He hesitated, and the fear spiked into a bit of terror. Zelgadis tried to sit up, but Xellos reached out and stilled him. “What did he do?” he hissed.

Xellos opened his eyes, regarding Zelgadis silently for a moment. “I’m afraid I killed him before I realized you were there, Zelgadis-san. However…” He let the terror spike again before he continued. “It appears he was experimenting on ways to separate the human, brow demon, and golem parts. Whatever he did reacted poorly with the energies of the Astral Plane, or you would be in Seyruun now.”

The terror turned to irritation. “So he was curing me, and you killed him?”

“No. Had he succeeded, your body and soul would have split, and none would have survived independently.” The fear returned again. “That is where your quest would have led.”

“So he was killing me.” Zelgadis didn’t sound surprised.

“More like using you as research so he could imitate what Rezzo did.” Xellos closed his eyes. “I recommend not using your Shamanic magic until you’re certain it’s safe.”

“Xellos, why did you help me?”

That was one question he hadn’t been able to answer himself, a question that bothered him because he didn’t know why he had done it, why the sight of Zelgadis in that tank had made him angry, made him wish that he had given the sorcerer a slower death. So he put a finger in front of his lips. “Sore wa himitsu desu.”

Zelgadis glared at him, and the mixture of emotion behind it intrigued Xellos. There was the irritation and anger, of course, with a healthy dose of fear at what Xellos might want with him. But there was also an odd mixture of gratitude, self-loathing, and a little twinge of regret that the Mazoku couldn’t even begin to decipher and wasn’t sure he wanted to.

Xellos rose from his seat near the bed, and headed toward the door. He stopped as he felt a pang of fear and worry from Zelgadis, turning back and smiling. “I’ve had my dinner. Are you hungry?”

Had he been able, Xellos was sure Zelgadis would have thrown a Ra Tilt his way as he realized that his pain and fear had served as the Mazoku’s meal. Instead the chimera looked away, seething. “Where are we? I need to figure out how I’m going to get to Seyruun.”

As much as Xellos was enjoying the waves of negative emotion coming from Zelgadis, he wasn’t one to lie. “Why, I’ll be accompanying you, Zelgadis-san. You needn’t fret about the details.”

He was pleasantly surprised when Zelgadis’ anger rose, along with his fear. The chimera stopped himself from retorting and made an effort to calm down before speaking. “What do you want from me, Xellos?”

The Mazoku’s grin widened as he opened one eye and put a finger to his lips. “Sore wa himitsu desu.”

This time there was no anger from Zelgadis, only a kind of helpless fear. Xellos phased out to the Astral Plane, leaving the chimera to his worries.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Two_

Zelgadis managed to calm his emotions shortly after Xellos left. He wasn’t sure what the Mazoku wanted with him, but he wasn’t dead yet and despite his distrust he was in no condition to travel alone. Especially if what Xellos had said was true, he’d be without magic for protection at least. He found himself drifting back to sleep as his body tried to heal.

He awoke hours later in the throes of a nightmare, claustrophobia, and a smell that hadn’t faded with his dream. He still smelled of the liquid in the tank he’d been imprisoned in, a cloying, sick scent that made him nauseous. Zelgadis sat up slowly, hoping the room had a wash basin he could use.

There was one on a table near the window, and the chimera slowly swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood shakily. He couldn’t recall ever feeling this weak, and that scared him. He stumbled to the table, only to find that the basin was empty. Of course Xellos wouldn’t think to fill it; he wasn’t corporeal. Zelgadis closed his eyes in frustration. A strong wind rattled the window and he glanced up, then nearly fell as he saw that it was snowing, stopping himself only by grabbing the table. It creaked under his weight.

Snow. It was winter.

He shivered, his knees threatening to give out, and he suddenly felt a hand on his arm.

“Zelgadis-san, you should lay down.”

“It’s winter,” was all the chimera could say, horrified. “It was mid-summer when…”

Xellos’ hand tightened painfully around his arm, and Zelgadis looked back at him, a bit frightened by his strength.

“No wonder I’m so weak,” he whispered, shaking slightly. “I was in there for months.” No one had missed him. Lina, Amelia, and Gourry had probably assumed he was searching for a cure, hadn’t worried when they hadn’t heard from him. And why would they, when he went off on his own so often? Even Xellos had found him only by chance, not even looking. The thought made him feel powerfully alone.

“It’s the first storm of the season,” Xellos informed him, his grip relaxing slightly.

Zelgadis managed to quell his shaking, despite the fact that it was threatening to turn into more. “Would you fill the basin for me?” Xellos cocked his head slightly, and the chimera understood the unasked question. “The smell…”

The Mazoku’s eyebrows raised in understanding. “Ah, the tanks.” Zelgadis looked away. “There are baths downstairs, Zelgadis-san. That would probably be better.”

He wanted privacy, away from the prying eyes of other patrons of the inn, but he knew that a bath  _would_  be better. Part of him was suspicious of the Mazoku’s intentions, which were never good or without an ulterior motive, but another part was beyond caring. Zelgadis let go of the table shakily, and Xellos supported him as they slowly made their way from the room and down the stairs.

\--

Xellos had never before felt concern for a mortal. The feeling was new, and he didn’t particularly like it, he mused as Zelgadis slowly scrubbed at his stone skin behind him. He sat cross-legged in the doorway to the bathhouse, his staff across his lap.

He hadn’t even been able to enjoy the anguished loneliness that had poured from the chimera. Rather, he had been alarmed by it, and rather relieved when Zelgadis hadn’t crumbled as a lesser being might have, something that he normally enjoyed witnessing with humans. But he had been glad when it settled into a sort of apathy.

Xellos was becoming attached to his humans, he realized with some alarm. Attached enough to think of them as his. He had been consorting with this group for too long, and their humanity… Was it rubbing off on him? The thought made him angry, and he stood and turned toward Zelgadis, who had settled into the water and was staring at the rippling surface silently.

“So the stones go all the way down. I always wondered,” he commented lightly. Zelgadis didn’t react, even emotionally. Xellos’ irritation flared, and he tried a different track, approaching. “It’s rather surprising that no one thought to use you as the basis of chimera experiments before. After all, you are one of the most successful specimens.”

There was a flicker of automatic annoyance that was smothered quickly by exhaustion. Zelgadis regarded him dully. “You should probably find a different meal tonight, Xellos. I don’t feel like playing.”

That elicited a dangerous anger in Xellos, and he leaned in, smiling widely. “This is no game, Zelgadis-san.”

Instead of fear, he felt a bit of amusement bubble up in the chimera. “Only because I’m not playing. Does that bother you, Xellos?”

The anger rose and he grabbed the swordsman’s shoulder, about to lift him from the bath. He was shocked when Zelgadis grabbed his wrist and instead yanked him into the water. The amusement was even stronger now, and it aggravated him.

“Perhaps I should have left you there.”

The amusement disappeared, but nothing replaced it. “Maybe you should have.”

The chimera’s agreement unsettled him, and he retreated to the Astral Plane.

\--

It took Zelgadis nearly an hour to get back to the room after his bath; halfway up the stairs he had wondered if he was going to make it and regretted having apparently angered Xellos. None of the other inn patrons had been around, which wasn’t surprising given that it was before dawn. But he had made it, and sinking onto the bed, had fallen deeply asleep, not even bothering to re-bandage the holes in his skin.

When he woke, he felt much stronger, and the punctures had healed. Apparently the residue of the liquid had interfered with the healing properties of his golem third, which made sense if the sorcerer had wanted to keep him subdued. He was also ravenous, but had no money or anything of value, so instead he exercised his legs to rebuild his strength.

He still wasn’t sure how he had angered Xellos. The Mazoku had been almost kind to him, and Zel still didn’t know why he’d been saved. If he took what Xellos said at face value, he hadn’t been aware of Zelgadis’ predicament and had come across him on accident. His mission had, more than likely, had to do with the sorcerer and his research, and Zelgadis had to wonder if he’d just been incredibly lucky that Xellos had noticed him and bothered to rescue him.

In fact, if the Mazoku had been there to destroy the research, it would have been prudent to destroy Zelgadis as well, since he had formed the basis of that research. So why?

Perhaps that was the real problem. Xellos had, after all, tried to take him straight to Seyruun, and now he was stuck with someone who couldn’t even travel in the mortal realm. Except that Xellos wasn’t responsible for him, and Zelgadis wasn’t really sure why he was continuing to help. If it had been on a whim, why not just leave him somewhere when it became inconvenient?

But maybe that was what had happened. Xellos hadn’t returned when Zelgadis finally decided just to go back to sleep and let his body continue to recover. He wasn’t sure how he was going to get to Seyruun if the Mazoku had decided to leave for good, given that he had no money and definitely didn’t have the strength to travel that far on his own. Worrying now wouldn’t change anything; it was better to recover and deal with trouble later.

\--

It was a few hours after the chimera had fallen asleep that Xellos finally returned from the Astral Plane. His black mood had attracted the Beastmaster, who had laughingly chided him for letting a mortal get to him.  _This is what happens when you spend too much time in the mortal realm,_  she had said. It had become clear that she was teaching him a lesson. Still, he had stayed in the Astral Plane, watching Zelgadis go about his exercises and finally fall back to sleep.

Xellos gazed at Zelgadis’ sleeping form for several minutes before leaving the room for the restaurant downstairs, drinking in the anger of the other patrons who were trapped by the winter storm. As he was sipping his tea, he suddenly realized that Zelgadis had not eaten, and he doubted that was good for him. So after drinking his fill of both tea and the frustration of those around him, he ordered a large meal and returned to the room with it.

Zelgadis was still sound asleep, his features smoothed. His face had a strangely vulnerable look to it, and Xellos found himself reaching out and touching the chimera’s wire hair.

The young man stirred, and Xellos drew back his hand. “Hm?”

“I brought you food, Zelgadis-san.”

Zelgadis’ relief and gratitude were a bit embarrassing, so Xellos turned and set the tray on the table next to the basin.

“You’ll recover much faster if you eat well.” Xellos pushed the chair to the table. The chimera did, indeed, seem stronger, and he needed no help as he walked across the room and sat down.

“Thanks.” Zelgadis ate in silence for a while. Finally, he said, “You weren’t supposed to save me, were you?”

“No,” Xellos admitted.

Zelgadis didn’t look at him. “And if you were there to destroy all the research, it probably would’ve been better to get rid of me, too.”

“Probably,” the Mazoku agreed.

The chimera sighed. “Then why didn’t you?”

The frustration and confusion pouring from Zelgadis was satisfying, and Xellos decided to be honest. “I don’t know.”

Zelgadis turned and stared at him. “You saved my life and probably defied Beastmaster’s orders, and you don’t know why?”

Xellos smiled. “Precisely.”

“Huh. No wonder you’re in a crappy mood.” Xellos opened his eyes and fixed him with an impassive stare. “Only I can’t figure out why you haven’t just left me here if I’m so inconvenient.”

Zelas’ orders were something he didn’t want to admit to, but he had another easy excuse. “And give Lina-san an excuse to kill me?” Zelgadis looked away, and he felt a pang of hurt and loneliness from the chimera, and he didn’t have to guess the reason. “She would, you know. And she’ll be irritated enough that she didn’t get to Dragon Slave that sorcerer. I’d rather she not take it out on me.”

In fact, had he known that Zelgadis was being held there, Xellos could have easily steered her to destroy everything. It only would have taken a few hints about experiments being done on chimera, and she would have rushed off to save Zelgadis and take revenge. Lina Inverse was wonderfully predictable like that. It would have been preferable to leave Mazoku hands out of it.

Zelgadis finally smiled slightly, but was silent for a little while longer, his emotions swirling and uncertain. “I’m still recovering, but we can start for Seyruun when the storm breaks. Moving will help me get stronger faster.”

Xellos nodded, closing his eyes. “We will, then.”

The chimera finally turned back to his food, and they spent the rest of the evening in an unfamiliar companionable silence.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Three_

It took another day for the blizzard to break, and by that time Zelgadis was eager to get moving. Xellos disappeared during breakfast, but when he returned it was with travel supplies, including a bundle of warm clothing and a walking staff for the chimera, who knew better than to argue.

Zelgadis frowned as he bundled up. The clothing was more than simply durable. It was high-quality, the gloves and cloak lined with fur and probably expensive. He knew the Mazoku carried money for when he was masquerading as a human, but this was a bit extravagant.

“Where did you get these?” Xellos opened an eye, bringing a finger up. “Never mind.”

He donned the gloves, then brought the scarf up over the bottom half of his face and pulled the hood low over his eyes. After shouldering the pack and pulling on the warm cloak, he adjusted the sword on his belt.

Xellos smiled, handing him the walking staff. “Ready, Zelgadis-san?”

The chimera nodded, and they left the room. Xellos stopped to pay the innkeeper, who eyed Zelgadis suspiciously but didn’t comment. The chimera tried to stay unobtrusive, and was relieved to finally leave the inn.

The snow, while nearly knee-deep, was powdery and relatively easy to walk in. When they left town, however, the wind blew it in all directions, making it difficult to see, and even cutting through the warm cloak. Zelgadis found himself grateful for the staff as they plodded through the snow, especially given that they were in the foothills and parts of the path were steep.

Well, he plodded on, anyway. Xellos was floating above the snow, and while it irritated him the chimera could hardly blame him.

Thankfully, the wind died down shortly after mid-day and made travel a little easier. Even so, Zelgadis wasn’t happy with the progress they were making, and he knew it was his fault. He wasn’t strong enough to keep the pace he normally did.

He noticed that Xellos was no longer floating over the snow, and was instead trudging through it ahead of him. He had a brief moment to wonder why before a group of bandits jumped out to surround them. Zelgadis hadn’t even sensed them. He dropped the walking staff and pulled out his sword.

\--

Xellos frowned as he sensed Zelgadis’ surprise. With the chimera’s heightened senses, he had expected that he had been aware of the bandits. However, the grind of steel told him that the swordsman was ready to fight, even having been surprised.

One of the bandits, probably the leader if you went by size, smirked. “So, a traveling priest. Only one bodyguard, eh?”

Xellos smiled. “Oh, he’s quite sufficient,” he said sweetly. He turned toward Zelgadis as he felt a bit of fear run through the bandits to see that the chimera had thrown off his hood and pushed down his scarf to give himself better peripheral vision.

A murmur of “monster” ran through the bandits, and the Mazoku could feel Zelgadis’ anger flare. The bandits backed off slightly as the swordsman took his stance.

But the leader just laughed. “We’ll get a nice reward from the village for killing that demon.” The apprehension in the others vanished, replaced by greed, and too late Xellos felt the magic building in the leader; he had underestimated the human. “RAZA KLOUVA!”

Xellos dodged easily using the Astral Plane, and Zelgadis was able to dodge using his unnatural speed, flipping in the air; had he been a normal human, it would have hit him and, in his condition, killed him. However, where the Mazoku was able to leave the Astral Plane on solid ground—and it wouldn’t have mattered to him even if it hadn’t been—Zelgadis’ movements took him off the road, where he stumbled and rolled down a steep embankment, slamming into a tree at the edge of a gully. He felt pain from the chimera, but not enough to be of concern.

“Yare yare. Perhaps I should deal with you.” That got the humans’ attention, and Xellos opened his eyes, feeling their horror spike as they realized exactly what they had attacked.

The Mazoku took out the leader first with his staff, stabbing the human through the midsection. Terror flared from the other bandits as the human’s body fell to the ground, and several broke and ran.

“I think not.” Ribbons of lightning crackled from his staff, hitting and electrocuting the bandits. Their bodies convulsed until he released them and they fell to the ground.

He closed his eyes again and grinned widely, then walked toward the embankment, looking down. Zelgadis had sheathed his sword and was struggling back up. He was nearly at the top when his boots slipped in the snow. Xellos reached out and grabbed him by the cloak, hauling him the rest of the way to the road.

Zelgadis nodded in thanks, breathing heavily, and went to check the bandits’ bodies, taking their money pouches and any valuables. Xellos smiled; it was a practical thing to do, but he could feel that Zelgadis was disgusted by it nonetheless.

Xellos picked up the chimera’s walking staff and handed it to him, then grinned. “You have bark in your hair, Zelgadis-san.”

“Hit a tree. There’s wire in the tree’s bark, too.” The young man pulled his scarf and hood back up, but not before Xellos noticed that he was slightly pale.

“Zelgadis-san, if you need to rest before we continue…” Had the Astral magic the bandit had used grazed him after all?

“We won’t make it to the next town before nightfall if I do.” Zelgadis shrugged. “It’s just a headache. I hit that tree pretty hard.” The chimera started walking, and Xellos stared after him for a moment before following.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raza Klouva is a shamanic attack that damages both the physical and astral aspects of a person, and it’s supposedly pretty difficult to dodge unless you’re fast and acrobatic. I originally had Xellos cast Zelas Brid, which is technically only supposed to produce one ribbon of lightning, but given that it’s Xellos calling on his master’s power, I assumed he’d be able to cast it far more effectively than any human. However, I later discovered that Mazoku do not call on the power of other Mazoku, as it belittles their own power, so I cut that spell. Both spells are also apparently only seen so far in the novels.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Four_

By late afternoon, Zelgadis was lagging terribly, and though he stubbornly pressed on it was clear to Xellos from the way he was leaning on the walking staff and the exhaustion that poured off him in waves that he wouldn’t last much longer.

“I’ll be right back, Zelgadis-san.” He didn’t give the chimera a chance to respond, instead disappearing and reappearing far above, checking for the town. He frowned. It was at least another day of travels ahead.

The Mazoku glanced around for shelter, his eyes settling on a small canyon a few hundred yards off the path that was littered with small caverns. Perfect.

When he returned to the ground, however, he found that Zelgadis had collapsed in exhaustion. “There are some caverns near here.” Xellos pulled the young man to his feet and steadied him, then led him off the path. The chimera made it another hundred yards before losing grip on the walking staff and slipping in the snow. Xellos grabbed him by his cloak, and only that prevented him from sliding into a ravine.

However, this time when Xellos pulled him up, Zelgadis only slumped against him. The chimera had fallen unconscious, he realized with irritation. “Mortals are such fragile beings,” he murmured, sighing, then slung the sorcerer over his shoulder and picked up the walking staff. For the second time in only a week, Xellos found himself carrying Zelgadis to safety. At least this time the chimera was clothed.

Zelgadis was heavy, something that didn’t bother the Mazoku. Had he been a lesser being, however, he would not have been able to carry the chimera without the use of magic. A human of such slight build normally would weigh little more than the petite Lina Inverse. Instead, Xellos estimated that Zelgadis weighed over two hundred kilograms.

He found a small cave with an opening that would block the wind and easily destroyed the carnivorous creature that leapt out to defend its territory. After setting the chimera down and removing his pack, Xellos set about lighting a fire and cooking a hearty stew. He knew well enough that Zelgadis needed to keep up his strength, and for a mortal food was the best source of energy.

To pass time as it cooked, he moved Zelgadis closer to the fire, removing his cloak, hood, mask, and sword. Bark was still imbedded in his hair, and Xellos amused himself for a while pulling it out. Even when a wire hair was yanked out with the bark, Zelgadis didn’t even twitch. The Mazoku frowned, checking him briefly for injuries and finding nothing physical. It was possible that there was damage to the chimera’s soul, but it was difficult to check with him unconscious.

Xellos had never imagined that he would be trying to keep a mortal alive. It was conceivable if he wanted a pawn to carry out his bidding, as Lina Inverse had after he had helped them with Gaav, and as she had aided in destroying Valgaav and Dark Star. But he had no plans that required Zelgadis living. Even Beastmaster hadn’t specified that Zelgadis had to reach Seyruun safely or healthy—or even alive, for that matter—and he couldn’t blame the compulsion to keep him healthy on concern about what Lina might do to him. Perhaps it was a desire to avoid the hassle of traveling with an injured or sick chimera, but even that didn’t explain his compulsive decision to save Zelgadis in the first place.

The smell of simmering stew caught his attention, and he turned to stir it, unsettled by his actions over the past week. For a creature of his nature, they were more than simply inexplicable; they were inconceivable, and the fact that they could not be justified in anything less than human—or worse, Shinzoku—terms was disturbing. And yet here he was, with the proof beside him.

The Mazoku sat, stewing and watching the kettle, until Zelgadis finally stirred shortly after the sun set. He sat up, confused, and then Xellos could feel his embarrassment and shame as he realized what had happened. Xellos found that he wasn’t enjoying those negative emotions, and that bothered him even more.

“You should eat and rest, Zelgadis-san. It will take another day of travel to reach the next town.” He opened his eyes and looked at the chimera, letting his gaze go beyond the young man’s body, checking the damage done to his soul.

Zelgadis avoided looking at him. “Xellos, I…” He stopped, and the shame flared into self-contempt.

“You’re still recovering,” Xellos said smoothly. “Even though that spell didn’t hit you, the Astral magic still weakened you. You were incredibly lucky to dodge it.” Raza Klouva was tricky to evade. Without Zelgadis’ demon speed and agility, he would not have avoided it, and it probably would have killed him.

The chimera was silent for a moment. “If I don’t figure out how to fix this, I’m not going to survive very long. I definitely can’t use any magic that deals with the Astral plane, and who knows what White and Divine magic would do to the demon in me.” He looked up, and Xellos could see and feel Zelgadis’ despair. “I’m as good as dead.”

Xellos remained silent for a while. He should have been enjoying the hopeless anguish and resignation Zelgadis was feeling, but instead the miasma left a bitter aftertaste. Truly he had become far too fond of this human if he could not even enjoy such pure, negative emotions from him and was instead concerned for his emotional well-being, of all things. He pulled a bowl from the pack the swordsman had carried and ladled some stew into it, fishing out a spoon. He didn’t know what to say, so instead he handed Zelgadis the bowl.

Zelgadis didn’t take it. “What the hell is the point?”

The Mazoku regarded him. “I didn’t think you were one to give up so easily, Zelgadis-san, after saving the world so many times with the odds stacked so high against you. Humans are generally so much more tenacious.”

The flare of irritation in the chimera was almost a relief. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not human. You were right; look what my quest for a cure got me. And Lina saved the world all of those times, not me.”

Xellos could have pointed out that Lina would have succumbed to her wounds if Zelgadis hadn’t bought Sylphiel time to cast Resurrection, without which the world would have been destroyed several times over, but he wasn’t one for reassurances and it was probably better that he didn’t hint at having watched them then.

“Lina-san never has been one to wallow in self-pity,” he finally replied, “even when she feels things are hopeless.”

Zelgadis flinched as though Xellos had struck him, and his emotions became muddled and conflicted for a moment before they settled into cold determination and anger. The chimera pulled off his gloves and grabbed the bowl that Xellos was still holding out, and spooning the stew into his mouth sullenly. The anger was something the Mazoku could enjoy, and he savored it.

They sat in silence for a while, and Xellos could feel him slowly calm down. “You can cook,” Zelgadis murmured as he ladled more stew into the bowl, mildly surprised.

“Yare, yare.” Xellos smiled. “I thought I made that obvious with that dragon-killing soup.”

The chimera smirked. “Okay, so you can cook something that isn’t disgusting,” he amended. “It’s not like you eat normal food.”

“Saa…”

“You sometimes pretend to when you’re trying to act human, but it’s not like Mazoku need physical food.” Zelgadis finished off his second bowl and set it aside. “You get your sustenance from negative emotions, chaos, and pain.”

Xellos watched him silently for a moment. The chimera’s sapphire eyes glowed in the light of the fire, and he could see as well as feel the chimera’s weariness. “Our physical bodies do have a sense of taste, Zelgadis-san,” he finally said, standing as he felt a satisfying burst of surprise from the young sorcerer. “You should sleep. We have a full day of travel tomorrow if we wish to reach an inn before nightfall.”

“You’re leaving?” Though the chimera’s tone was bland, behind those words was a swirl of emotions that Xellos couldn’t untangle.

The Mazoku hesitated for a moment. “I’ll be around.” He phased out to the Astral Plane, keeping a tendril of awareness in the mortal realm.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Five_

When Zelgadis woke shortly before dawn, Xellos was still gone and the fire had died to cold ashes. However, the Mazoku had evidently been back while he slept, because there was a small stock of firewood nearby. He was tempted to use a weak variant of Fireball to start it, but he still had no idea whether elemental magic would also be problematic; he didn’t want to find out the hard way.

So instead he built the fire without magic. He was heating the remaining stew when Xellos returned. The smiling priest was carrying two mugs, and the scent of coffee filled the air. Zelgadis inhaled deeply and nodded in appreciation when the Mazoku handed him one of the cups, then settled across from him by the fire.

Despite his exhaustion the previous day and the danger he was in, Zelgadis felt almost content sipping at his morning coffee as his breakfast heated over the fire and the light of dawn crept in through the cave entrance. As always, he felt far more at ease in the wilderness and traveling than he did in any city or town. He much preferred the relative solitude of a campfire to the roaring fireplace of an inn restaurant, though most of his friends would disagree with that.

That thought allowed loneliness to break through his contentment, and though he breathed in the aroma of his coffee in an attempt to bring it back, it slipped away.

He was aware of Xellos’ gaze, but instead concentrated on eating his breakfast so they could get moving again. When the Mazoku continued to watch him silently, he glanced at him irritably. “Is there something you want?”

The priest raised an eyebrow and smiled, then tilted his head down and allowed his bangs to obscure his inhuman eyes. “Why, to get moving, of course, Zelgadis-san. I’m sure you would feel more comfortable in an inn.”

“Actually,” the chimera started, taking a sip of his coffee before continuing, “I prefer avoiding towns as much as possible.”

Xellos sipped his coffee. “In this weather, that’s hardly practical,” he said cheerfully.

His tone irritated Zelgadis, and he glared. “Are you that desperate for breakfast, Xellos?”

The Mazoku suddenly grinned. “I had plenty when I picked up this coffee, actually.” With that smile, Zelgadis knew better than to ask. The expression faded. “Which I actually expected to cheer you up, but instead it seems to have had the opposite effect.”

The chimera looked away. “It’s not the coffee.”

“Oh?” There was a slight note of curiosity in the syllable.

“What does the reason matter?” he asked angrily. “It’s negative emotion. Lap it up like you usually do.”

Xellos raised his head, regarding him mildly with open eyes. “Yare, yare. I’m merely surprised that you’re lonely despite my company.”

Zelgadis sighed. “It’s not you, either.”

The Mazoku smiled again. “Oh? Does that mean you’re becoming used to my presence?”

He brooded on that question for a moment, finishing his coffee. That wasn’t a question with an easy answer, in part because he was conflicted on it. Even the real reason behind his feelings was complex. Zelgadis had separated from the group to search on his own because Lina’s antics tended to distract him from his goal and at times he truly preferred to be alone. But at the same time…

“You realize,” the chimera finally said, “that you only found me on accident. No one came looking.”

“Well, you were quite a way from Seyruun. And I doubt any of them would have expected this to happen.”

Zelgadis set his cup aside, and reached for his gloves. “I didn’t expect it. Even after all this time with people thinking I’m a demon and trying to kill me or drive me away because of it, I didn’t expect to be treated… to be treated like an animal.” He yanked the gloves on angrily, and scowled at the hood and scarf he used to disguise his appearance. “By the stars, am I naïve!”

“No.” Xellos stood, putting out the fire with a wave of his staff. “You’re merely more human than even you give yourself credit for.”

\--

As they hiked, Xellos noted that Zelgadis’ emotions had settled from the initial shock and disbelief into simple confusion. The chimera hadn’t responded to his statement, and hadn’t spoken at all since they began traveling again. His silence was neither surprising nor unusual, but it was uncomfortable.

When they finally took a break around mid-day, the sorcerer continued to brood, staring at nothing as he munched on a bit of dried meat. Xellos checked their progress, noting that if they pressed on as they had, they could probably make it to the town ahead by sunset.

He said as much to Zelgadis, whose response was, “As long as we don’t get attacked by bandits again.”

Xellos frowned, not able to tell from his emotions whether he was joking. “I doubt there are two bands between such small towns, Zelgadis-san.”

“I’ve learned not to doubt the stupidity of bandits.” The chimera snorted. “And now we’re sure to be attacked, since you’ve gone said that.”

“Oh? I didn’t realize you were superstitious.”

“Traveling with Lina Inverse tends to have that effect,” Zelgadis said ruefully.

He couldn’t argue with that. “Lina-san does tend to attract interesting trouble.”

“With her, anything you doubt is bound to happen, especially if you doubt it out loud. It’s like some god’s sick running gag. Well, that and falling over waterfalls.” He seemed to be both irritated and amused with this.

“Immortality does get dull. Perhaps it is,” Xellos commented, laughing lightly, and the chimera rolled his eyes. “On the other hand, you are not Lina-san.”

Zelgadis didn’t respond, but at least his emotions didn’t darken as they had before. Instead he tore a last chunk from the dried meat with his sharp teeth and pushed the rest back into his pack. “We might as well get moving again.”

As they started out, Xellos realized that he was far more comfortable with the chimera’s relative cheer now than he had been with the brooding negativity earlier. The silence now was comfortable, even companionable, where it had previously been irritating. It was a very human way to think, he realized, and that was something he’d rather not think about.

Neither of them were surprised when they were accosted by bandits several miles from town, and Xellos could feel Zelgadis’ resigned amusement before it turned to anger when he was once again mistaken for a monster.

This band did not contain any magic users, and Xellos stepped back and allowed Zelgadis to handle them. After all, the chimera had not had a chance to fight, and he was sure letting out some aggression would do him some good. Well, that and a good fight made for a hearty meal.

As the remaining bandits ran off, abandoning the wounded, Zelgadis merely sat down heavily at the edge of the road and plunged his sword into the snow to remove the fresh blood before sheathing it. He regretted having killed, Xellos realized, and that took more out of the chimera than the fight itself. Even if Zelgadis considered himself a heartless sorcerer swordsman, he couldn’t shed the humanity he felt he had lost. He did, indeed, have a heart.

He picked up Zelgadis’ walking staff as he approached and held it out to him. He didn’t take it, and the regret and self-loathing that was pouring from him irritated Xellos.

“Do you need me to carry you again, Zelgadis-san?” he asked, putting enough amusement into his voice to irritate the chimera. He opened his eyes slightly and smiled. “I’m beginning to think you enjoy it.”

Zelgadis flushed and glared at him, then grabbed the walking staff from Xellos. He found himself enjoying a meal of rage and embarrassment as the chimera stood and stalked away toward the town, so flustered that he forgot to pull up his scarf and hood for several minutes.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Six_

The innkeeper had been reluctant to rent Zelgadis a room, and had eventually agreed only because Xellos was with him. The chimera had ordered dinner and immediately retreated to the room to eat, and Xellos knew he could sense the obvious suspicion and hostility being directed at him by the other patrons. It was actually ironic, given that _Xellos_  was Mazoku, and Zelgadis had originally been human.

Xellos left him to his own devices, nursing a cup of tea and enjoying the emotions of those around him. They surged further when a bandaged man entered the restaurant and made a beeline for the bar, where he downed several drinks before starting up a steady grumbling at the barkeep. The other patrons seemed just as intrigued as Xellos, if for different reasons.

A waitress scowled at the man. “Looks like you tried to rob the wrong person.”

The man ordered another drink, returning the scowl. “They looked like kids. How was I supposed to know one was a sorceress?” He chugged his drink. “Biggest damn fireball I ever saw!”

That had Xellos’ full attention, and he smiled benevolently at the man. “A sorceress, you say?”

The man grunted. “Bright red hair, flat-chested.”

“Ah. That would be Lina Inverse. I didn’t know she was in this area.” His grin widened as the man’s aura spiked in terror. “If you tried robbing her, I’m surprised you’re alive to tell the tale.”

“The Bandit Killer?” Standing unsteadily, the man tossed some coins on the bar and hurried toward the door. “I’m getting as far from here as possible, then! Thanks for the warning, friend.”

Xellos sat back to finish his tea, considering. Perhaps he wouldn’t have to take Zelgadis all the way to Seyruun after all. The chimera would undoubtedly be relieved, and hopefully it would have the added impact of stopping his moping.

He stood and ducked out of sight before using the Astral Plane to reach the room instantaneously. There he was mildly surprised to find Zelgadis standing naked, the washbasin on the bed, apparently bathing.

“There is a bath downstairs, Zelgadis-san.” Though, with the hostility of the other patrons, Xellos wasn’t surprised that he’d opted to stay out of sight.

“Xellos!” The chimera quickly grabbed his cloak and wrapped it around himself. “Haven’t you ever heard of knocking?”

The Mazoku frowned as he felt Zelgadis’ self-disgust and embarrassment. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before. After all, you were completely naked in that tank, and I had to carry you to that inn.” Blue demon eyes stared at him in shock, and he continued. “I’ve never understood your shame for your body, Zelgadis-san. There is nothing wrong with it.”

He was surprised when the chimera lunged at him, fisting a hand in his shirt and shoving him against the wall. Zelgadis was angry, but the emotion was woven around humiliation and hurt. “You don’t have to endure this accursed body, you bastard! You couldn’t possibly understand!”

Xellos regarded Zelgadis with open eyes for a moment, then smiled slightly. “Why, Zelgadis-san, I didn’t realize you were interested in me in quite this way.” The chimera froze, and he pulled playfully at the cloak wrapped around his waist. “It’s not every day I find myself pushed against a wall with someone naked holding me. I’m flattered.”

Zelgadis released him and jumped back so quickly that Xellos was almost left off balance. The Mazoku straightened as he felt a wave of emotion hit him—the humiliation, hurt, and anger, with the addition of something he hadn’t expected; a bit of fear.

“Get out.” The sorcerer’s voice was low and controlled, but his body shook slightly and his eyes were averted. The fist holding the cloak around his waist was clenched so tightly it was turning white.

Xellos blinked at him, still surprised by the twinge of fear. Why would he be afraid? “Zelgadis-san,” he started, but was cut off.

“Leave now, or I will cast Ra Tilt and  _damn_  the consequences,” Zelgadis growled. “I’m tired of your games.”

Just drawing on the Astral magic would cleave Zelgadis into three, ending his life and destroying his soul; he probably wouldn’t even be able to finish the spell before it killed him. Xellos decided not to risk calling his bluff and phased out to the Astral Plane, leaving the chimera to calm down.

\--

Zelgadis didn’t calm down. He was far too agitated.

Even knowing Xellos was Mazoku and could turn on them with no qualms at any time, he had rarely actually been  _afraid_  of the trickster, and even then that fear had been tinged with reluctant awe at his power. Then, even if Xellos could kill him, Zelgadis’ own power would have, he hoped, made him take such a battle seriously.

Now it was different. He had no power to do anything against a Mazoku, especially one of Xellos’ rank. The priest could do whatever he wanted, and Zel wouldn’t be able to stop him.

This fear and weakness was intolerable, and he still had no idea what Xellos wanted with him. So the Mazoku’s actions and words had scared him. In all honesty,  _that_  was probably the one way he hadn’t been violated at this point. It was the only thing he had left, and Xellos had toyed with it.

At this point Zelgadis was willing to risk being killed traveling alone if it meant he didn’t have to deal with the Mazoku’s games any longer. He knew well enough that Xellos could easily find him even if he didn’t have Lina’s typical trail of destruction to follow, but right now it didn’t matter. He was damned if he was going to just sit and wait for Xellos to do whatever he had planned.

It took about an hour for him to work up the nerve to actually leave, but he quickly bundled up and got ready before he changed his mind. Pulling his hood low and pulling up his scarf, he left the room and descended the stairs. With any luck, he’d be out of town before Xellos even realized he was gone.

Not that he had any luck, he realized as he entered the restaurant. The bar was completely full, and when he tried to walk by to get to the exit, a burly drunk blocked his way.

“You’re that freak swordsman from earlier,” the man growled, and Zelgadis groaned internally as he recognized the bandit from the group that had accosted them a few miles from town. “You killed two of my friends.”

“They were trying to kill me,” the chimera responded easily, glancing around for an escape route only to find that he’d been surrounded.

“And I’ll succeed where they failed, monster. You deserve this; they didn’t.”

The bandit suddenly flung the remaining ale in his pint in Zelgadis’ face, and he stumbled a bit as the alcohol burned his eyes. He felt something hard hit his back and heard the splinter of wood and realized that someone had hit him with a barstool. He managed to regain his eyesight in time to see a bottle raised over his head, but he stood his ground; the glass wouldn’t cut his stone skin anyway.

But the bottle never descended. Instead it exploded in the man’s hand, flinging shards of molten glass everywhere. The people around him yelped as they were cut and burned, and Zelgadis realized that none of the shards had hit him at all. They probably wouldn’t have done any damage, but he should have been hit by them given his proximity to the blast.

In the ensuing confusion, Zelgadis managed to get out of the group. Someone touched his shoulder. He turned to find Xellos, and immediately moved away from his hand. The Mazoku frowned at him, but didn’t say anything, instead turning back toward the chaos he had probably created. It just figured that the commotion would attract Xellos’ attention and he’d stick his nose in. Now there was no way he’d get away.

The drunks seemed unwilling to risk going near him, which was fine by him, but the innkeeper stalked over. “Who’s going to pay for this damage?”

Zelgadis raised his head and glared, and the man looked away. “They attacked, not me.”

“Pay up and leave. You’re not welcome here.” The innkeeper turned to Xellos. “Clearly you can’t control your pet.”

Zelgadis bristled, but Xellos responded first. “He is a person, not a pet. Your reaction is hardly his fault.” The Mazoku’s cold tone surprised the chimera. “We did not stay the night, so we owe you nothing.”

The innkeeper frowned and muttered, but didn’t argue. “Get out of here before I change my mind.”

The chimera immediately turned and headed for the door, not waiting for Xellos. He could hear the Mazoku hurry after him. “Zelgadis-san, the supplies…”

Zelgadis adjusted the pack in an obvious way as they stepped outside. Xellos touched his shoulder again and he yanked his arm away, glaring. “You were leaving?” The Mazoku looked surprised.

He didn’t answer, instead trudging through the snow toward the edge of town. Xellos followed him, but didn’t press the issue.

\--

They hadn’t been able to find shelter, so after several miles of walking, Zelgadis had left the road and set up camp on the protected side of a snowdrift. The chimera had actually dug out part of the snowdrift and settled in with his cloak wrapped tightly around him, not bothering with a fire. Xellos had retreated to the Astral Plane shortly afterwards.

Zelgadis hadn’t spoken to him at all, and Xellos didn’t know why. He could sense that the swordsman was angry, but there was still that underlying fear that didn’t seem to have a reason. Normally, he’d enjoy that emotion no matter what the cause, but right now he found himself concerned.

The fear didn’t make sense to him. There was nothing to fear. The only possible explanation he could think of for that fear was the issue of Zelgadis being vulnerable to magical attacks. Even that didn’t make complete sense given that the chimera was clearly leaving the inn on his own when the fight broke out, but at least it was a start.

He was still shocked at his urge to alleviate the chimera’s fear, but at this point he really didn’t know what to do with it except give in. While he had never done so himself, he knew there were ways to create items that would form a protective shield against magic for the wearer. That would, at least, help in making Zelgadis less vulnerable until Lina and Amelia could figure out how to undo the damage and make him whole again, if it was possible.

Xellos hadn’t had the opportunity to let Zelgadis know that Lina was apparently in the area, but he could do that tomorrow when the chimera was awake. For now, he could concentrate on creating a protective amulet. He doubted it would take much time to make, even if he wanted it to be powerful enough to protect Zelgadis from higher-level attacks—nothing as powerful as Dragon Slave, but that would be practically impossible anyway.

He kept some of his awareness in the mortal realm in case the bandits from the inn decided to ambush the slumbering chimera, and got to work.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

Where Zelgadis had fallen asleep cold, he woke up almost too warm, the snow acting as an insulator and keeping his body heat in the small cave he’d dug for himself. He lay there for a few minutes, letting himself rouse slowly, until he realized that even his back was warm. He rolled over to find that Xellos had started a campfire. Several fish skewered on sticks were cooking close to the fire, and also beside the fire was a coffee pot that looked as though it had been stolen from a restaurant. It probably had been, knowing Xellos.

Zelgadis scowled. Trust Xellos to fix breakfast in an attempt to make him forget what had happened last night. He was tempted to leave it there and make his own, but he was hungry and that coffee smelled really good.

Xellos was, thankfully, nowhere to be seen, and Zelgadis silently ate breakfast and emptied the half-full coffee pot. The Mazoku hadn’t shown up by the time Zelgadis was dousing the fire with snow, and the chimera decided to start without him; he could catch up later.

But the priest was perched in a tree near the road, waiting. As Zelgadis drew near he tossed something, and the swordsman caught it reflexively. It was an opaque red pendant on a gold chain.

Zelgadis tossed it back at the Mazoku as he reached the road. He had no intention of accepting gifts from Xellos. Did the priest actually think he could win him over with jewelry?

Xellos jumped down to walk beside him. “Zelgadis-san, it’s an amulet to protect you from magic. It will make you less vulnerable.” He held it out again.

That caught the chimera’s attention, and he stopped and brought his hand up, letting the blood-red orb rest against his palm. “A protective amulet?”

The Mazoku nodded and let the chain slip from his gloved hands. “This way you will be shielded when others attack with magic. It won’t damage your soul.”

Zelgadis frowned, examining the pendant closely. It was powerful; he could tell that without his magic. It wouldn’t hold up against a strong Ra Tilt, and definitely not Dragon Slave, but it was quite possibly the strongest protective item he’d ever seen. He glanced at Xellos, only to realize that it was the same color as the orb in Xellos’ staff and the fastenings of the priest’s mantle.

“You made this.” The Mazoku didn’t respond, and Zelgadis glared. Xellos’ expression didn’t reveal anything of his motives. “So, what, I’m supposed to take this and forget you threatened me?”

Xellos looked confused, his eyes opening in surprise. “Threatened you?”

Zelgadis grabbed the priest’s shirt, lifting him above the ground. “Last night, you bastard.”

“When?” Xellos frowned. “Honestly, Zelgadis-san. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The chimera snarled, and tossed Xellos away from him toward a tree. The Mazoku stopped in mid-air and regarded him, an unfamiliar look of complete confusion on his face. Zelgadis closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, trying to calm down.

“You pulled at the cloak,” he finally murmured after searching in vain to find words to explain. He found the anger slipping away as he realized how ridiculous that sounded. “Forget it. You couldn’t possibly understand.”

Xellos’ hand closed on his arm, and he pulled away. Looking up, he realized that the Mazoku  _had_  understood. “Why would I do something like that?”

Zelgadis couldn’t look at him. “You’re Mazoku. I can’t defend myself against you. You could do whatever you want, and I wouldn’t be able to stop you.”

“I am not that kind of Mazoku.”

The chimera finally looked at him, noting the apparent sincerity of Xellos’ expression. “I don’t know what kind of Mazoku you are, Xellos. I don’t know you at all. You play all these games and expect me to trust you, but I don’t. I’m just waiting for you to fuck me over or use me in one of your little plots, like the pet that innkeeper thought I was.”

Xellos only frowned at him in response, and Zelgadis held out the pendant to him. “I already told you I’m sick of your games. I don’t want this.”

The Mazoku didn’t take it. “With that pendant, you won’t have to rely on me,” he said simply. “I’m only trying to help, Zelgadis-san.”

Except that it really was still relying on the priest, given that he had made the amulet, and it was possible that it actually drew from his power like the rest of his gear. Zelgadis studied him for a moment, mulling his choices. On the one hand, the pendant was powerful and really would protect him. On the other, Xellos could just be weaving him into another one of his little plots, something that the sorcerer wanted to avoid if at all possible. But either way, he didn’t particularly want to be as vulnerable in battle as he had been, and the amulet would be helpful.

Finally he slipped the chain over his neck. Xellos only nodded, then closed his eyes and started down the road.

\--

By mid-day the temperature was dropping and the wind picking up as another storm blew into the area.

“Looks like it’s going to hit in a few hours,” Zelgadis commented, eying the clouds. “And we have no shelter.”

“It could be worse.” And probably would be, when the pursuers he’d sensed caught up. Xellos had checked to find a mob of townsmen and bandits on horseback. Several were actually carrying pitchforks. There even looked to be a few magic users among them, but at least Zelgadis would be shielded from the spells. He doubted they would be much trouble, but wondered if he should warn the chimera anyway.

Zelgadis rolled his eyes. “You like tempting fate, don’t you?” The priest only grinned in reply. “We should probably look for a cave or something to wait out the storm. There’s not much around here.”

“Perhaps.” Xellos decided it was best if the swordsman wasn’t surprised; after all, he’d probably glean plenty of emotion from Zelgadis when he saw the pitchforks and made the obvious connection. “However, I believe the incident at the inn may have upset the townspeople. They’re a few miles back, and catching up.”

The chimera cursed under his breath. “Great. Just what I need.” He rubbed at his forehead as though warding off a headache. “They usually let me leave since then I’m someone else’s problem, but I guess  _someone_ ’s exploding-bottle trick scared them.”

Xellos shrugged, ignoring the accusation. “They don’t seem like much of a problem. A few magic users, but you shouldn’t be impacted by that anymore. They’re easily gotten rid of.”

Zelgadis glared. “They’re not all bandits, Xellos. Most of them are just scared villagers trying to protect their families. They don’t deserve to die for that.”

The Mazoku didn’t answer. Zelgadis’ brand of morality didn’t suit him. After all, if a mob was trying to kill you, it was generally more prudent to destroy the threat, not quibble over whether they deserved it. Of course, he had never particularly felt that anything  _deserved_  to live, so maybe it was a human thing. But, then, he’d apparently felt that Zelgadis deserved to live, or he would have destroyed him in the laboratory.

The chimera sighed. “Do you think there’s any chance they’ll call it off on account of the weather?”

Xellos smiled as Zelgadis’ wave of frustration cut off the troubling route his thoughts were taking. “I doubt it. They’re still catching up.”

“Dammit.” He pulled off his pack and tossed it behind a snow-covered bush. “At least try not to kill them. It’d be better to subdue them or scare them off.” Xellos only grinned wider, and the swordsman’s frustration grew. “Do I have to give a reason, or will you just do it?”

“I find it amusing that you care so much for the lives of those trying to take yours.”

Zelgadis glared. “You’re like Amelia, always seeing everything as black and white, no gray. You just prefer black where she likes white.”

That was true enough most of the time, though the comparison to Amelia was a little irritating. The exception was something he’d rather not think about and hoped that the chimera didn’t pick up on. “Yare, yare. I suppose I could subdue them. It would probably be easier than scaring them off.” The storm would probably kill them, anyway. Either way, it was effective.

“Good. The village wouldn’t survive if a real monster attacked and all their fighters were dead.”

Xellos hadn’t thought of that. No wonder Zelgadis was so insistent. If he had felt guilt over killing a few bandits, he would certainly feel worse if his actions destroyed an entire village. The Mazoku was horrified to find that he didn’t want to provoke those emotions even by killing their attackers indirectly. He felt more comfortable with the prospect of scaring them off, when he should have been pleased to destroy them and glean Zelgadis’ guilt and self-loathing.

“Perhaps if we left the road we could avoid them,” Xellos finally said. “They might not be willing to pursue us in the wilderness.”

Zelgadis grinned, and his relief was refreshing. “That’s where we’re going to have to look for shelter anyway.” The chimera immediately headed off the road, picking up the pack as he went, and Xellos followed.

The trees thinned as they reached a ridge bordering a steep hill. Below looked like a snow-covered plain, but was actually a lake, complete with an island in the center.

“We chose a good direction. In this terrain, there are probably some decent caves,” Zelgadis commented, scanning the area with his sharp eyes. “They’ll work for waiting out the storm.”

Xellos frowned. Actually, this was more of a dead end, and the villagers apparently knew that. He was about to warn Zelgadis when an arrow hit the ground inches from the chimera. The swordsman jumped back, skirting the edge of the ridge.

Zelgadis cursed. “Looks like we’ll have to fight them first.”

A spell shot out from the trees, missing both of them, and the chimera pulled out his sword. Xellos pointed his staff at a row of trees and shot a dark blast of energy. The trees fell, revealing their attackers. He had refrained from killing them, though it would have been simpler. Unfortunately, the removal of their cover didn’t frighten them off as he had hoped it would. Instead, several of the magic users threw spells in their direction.

The amulet worked as he had intended, shielding Zelgadis from the magic, but the spell acted as a pool cue, knocking against the shield as though it were a cue ball and sending the chimera flying. Xellos found this rather amusing, until Zelgadis hit the lake, broke through the ice, and disappeared beneath the surface. He didn’t expect the pain and terror he felt from the swordsman, but when he didn’t resurface the Mazoku remembered belatedly that Zelgadis couldn’t possibly be buoyant with his composition; without magic, he was sure to drown.

Xellos levitated, forming a bubble around himself as he flew down and entered the water. Under the ice the water was dark, but he could sense and see Zelgadis as he hit the bottom. The chimera was flailing, but his movements were weakening. Shortly before Xellos reached him, Zelgadis stopped struggling altogether.

For a few seconds after Xellos pulled him into the bubble, Zelgadis didn’t breathe. Then he was choking, coughing up frigid water as he gasped for air, sagging against the Mazoku. The young man was shivering lightly.

As they rose to the surface, Zelgadis managed to speak between gasps, his voice hoarse and low. “That’s another… running gag I’m… getting sick of…”

Xellos brought them to shore, noting with some relief that the townspeople had left. He could sense them heading back on the road. They thought that they had killed Zelgadis, and, admittedly, they very nearly had.

He wasn’t out of danger yet, either, the Mazoku realized as the wind picked up and the chimera began to shiver harder. Normally, the sorcerer could simply dry himself with a spell, but in his condition even Xellos couldn’t use magic on him.

Zelgadis wrapped his arms around his chest, his body shaking violently and his breath coming in small gasps again. “Have to find shelter,” he managed, before stumbling forward. Xellos knew he wouldn’t make it far, even if his inhuman composition was helping him a little. He was tempted to levitate both of them and use a variant of Ray Wing to speed the search, but that would expose Zelgadis to the chill wind completely and make the situation worse.

Luck seemed to be shining on them, for once, and they spotted caves within a few minutes. By the time they reached them, Zelgadis had stopped shivering, and Xellos took that as a good sign. He started a fire and turned toward the chimera, who was sitting heavily against the wall of the cave and staring at the ground blankly.

“Zelgadis-san, the pack?”

The chimera blinked at him, his eyes unfocused. “Pack?”

Xellos frowned, reaching forward and tugging it from Zelgadis’ shoulders with some difficulty as it was frozen to his clothing. The youth’s fingers were a darker blue than usual. The Mazoku stared at him for a moment, not sure what was wrong. He reached into the pack only to find that everything was soaked. When he looked up, the chimera’s eyes were closed, and his face was disturbingly pale.

“Zelgadis-san?” There was no response, and Xellos touched his neck, feeling for his heartbeat. It was fast, and Zelgadis’ skin was cold. Little icicles hung from his wire hair. He shook the chimera gently. “Zelgadis-san?” Dull blue eyes opened slightly to regard him, focusing very slowly. “What’s wrong?”

Zelgadis looked confused for a moment, then his brow furrowed. “Cold. Can’t move.” He blinked, and Xellos felt a very small, sluggish bit of fear from him. “Hypothermia…?” His eyes lost focus and closed again, and his body went slack.

Xellos had very little experience keeping mortals alive, and most of it was recent. He knew what hypothermia was, having learned long ago that it was a boring way to kill something, but only had a vague idea about treatment. The first step was getting Zelgadis out of his frozen clothing, which proved to be difficult given that it had frozen to his stone skin in places. It became easier when Xellos moved him closer to the fire and the ice began to melt.

Xellos wrapped Zelgadis in his cloak and, since it was an extension of his body on this plane, made it warmer than human skin. He could feel, through the faux garment, how frigid Zelgadis’ body was, and knew that more had to be done or his companion would die. None of Zelgadis’ clothing was dry, and while drying it was easy he didn’t think simply dressing the chimera would help much. What he needed was blankets and warmth, neither of which were here. The Mazoku was loathe to leave even to get necessary supplies, but there was no choice.

He phased out to the Astral Plane.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Eight_

It had been simplest to travel to somewhere nearby. Xellos had returned to the town where he had brought Zelgadis after finding him, near the border of Dils and the Kataart Mountains. The Mazoku had spent plenty of time in the shops of this town finding suitable clothing for the chimera, and thus knew where to go so he could return to the cave quickly.

He was acquiring blankets when he felt them. Lina, Gourry, and Amelia were, after all, unmistakable, especially with the emotions that swirled around them—emotions that were even more chaotic than usual. Xellos couldn’t help but smile at the prominent emotion: grief. The Mazoku guessed that they had found the remains of the sorcerer’s lab and were assuming the worst. The smile faded quickly as he reminded himself that it could very easily be true at some point in the near future.

Xellos paid for the heavy blankets and left the store, ducking into a small market. The water had ruined the provisions, and before he even considered encountering Lina he needed to restock. As he chose items (carefully selecting an aromatic coffee), he extended his senses to eavesdrop on the trio. It was nearly unnecessary, given that they were headed his way.

“He’s been in worse situations before and pulled through,” Lina said, trying too hard to sound confident. “I’m sure he’s fine.”

“But, Lina-san, we found the pendant I gave him, and his sword. He wouldn’t leave those behind.” Amelia sounded like she was failing at an attempt not to cry.

“We didn’t find his body,” Gourry said, attempting to be helpful. Amelia did start to cry at his words, and Xellos smirked, enjoying the rare negativity from the princess. “And, well, it’s rock. Maybe he’s headed to Seyruun?”

“Exactly!” Lina sounded relieved. “We can catch up to him on the road! If he was here, maybe someone at the inn saw him.” They were nearing the storefront.

Xellos briefly considered his options. He rather enjoyed their negative emotions and was loathe to reassure them, but it was a good opportunity to cut his mission short by dumping responsibility for the chimera off on them, if Zelas allowed it. Of course, he would have to find a suitably cryptic and irritating way to put them on the trail, but that would be simple. Xellos quickly paid the shopkeeper—he usually wouldn’t have bothered, but he still had plenty from what Lina had paid for the demon blood talismans and plenty else to amuse him—and stepped from the building, surreptitiously pushing his parcels into the Astral Plane as he did.

Lina’s surprised “Xellos!” forced him to fight a grin, and he turned to them with a bland, surprised smile.

“I didn’t realize you were here, Lina-san!” This was mostly the truth. He’d had no idea she was in this town, only that she’d been seen in the area. Truthfully, he had thought it would take her longer to get this far, but he hadn’t asked the wounded bandit when he had encountered her, and three healthy people were probably able to move faster than Zelgadis at this point.

Lina’s initial surprise turned into suspicion, then anger. Xellos let his smile become slightly less neutral, and she, predictably, stepped forward and grabbed him by his mantle. “You’re not here by coincidence! You never are!”

“Lina-san!” Amelia grabbed her arm.

The Mazoku managed to shrug. “I merely had business in this area.”

The sorceress’ eyes widened, then filled with fury. “You! You destroyed that castle! What did you do to Zel?” He only grinned. “XELLOS!”

Gourry tugged Lina’s shoulder. “Lina, people are staring.”

Lina didn’t move for a second, but to Xellos’ astonishment actually released him. “If he's… Just tell me, Xellos. I need to know.” She didn’t look at him now, and her anguish surprised him.

“Saaa…” He pretended to look thoughtful. “One of the villages to the southeast did seem rather riled up. There was mention of drowning a demon.” He held up a finger and opened one eye, keeping his expression completely serious. “Incidentally, do you know anything about treating hypothermia?”

Lina froze, staring blankly as she tried to puzzle out his meaning. Gourry blinked. “What’s hypothermia?”

Amelia frowned in confusion. “Hypothermia is caused when the body temperature drops. The best way to treat it is to warm a person up using fire or body heat and blankets, but make sure to warm the limbs last or the person could go into shock.” She suddenly looked worried. “Why, Xellos-san?”

Xellos grinned. They could figure that out on their own with the tidbits of information he’d provided. “Sore wa-“

He was cut off as Gourry’s face suddenly brightened with realization. The blond dropped a fist into his palm to emphasize his understanding. “Zel must’ve gotten hypothermia when they tried to drown him!” Then he looked worried. “That’s bad.”

Lina came to life at this. “Xellos!”

“That was quite helpful, Amelia-san!” he said. The princess stared at him in horror. “Ja ne!” The priest disappeared into the Astral Plane as an angry, worried sorceress lunged at him.

\--

Shortly after Xellos had left and Lina had been calmed down enough to ensure that the town wasn’t at risk of becoming a victim of Dragon Slave (something that had been achieved only by dragging her to a restaurant and letting her gorge and rant unintelligibly), Gourry frowned thoughtfully.

“Didn’t Xellos seem kind of worried to you, Lina?”

“That’s stupid, Jellyfish Brains.” Lina rolled her eyes. “Xellos doesn’t worry.”

“Oh.” The swordsman scratched his cheek with one finger. “Well, he did seem interested in knowing how to treat that hypo… hypodermita?”

“Hypothermia,” Amelia corrected automatically. She was staring out the window at the path that led from town, to the southeast.

It was Lina’s turn to look thoughtful, but after a few seconds she shook her head. “Let’s just get moving. Zel needs our help.” She could only hope that Xellos didn’t let Zelgadis die in the meantime.

\--

The first thing Zelgadis was aware of was  _cold_  inside. He hadn’t thought that cold could hurt this much, but apparently if it had seeped into someone as deeply as it had him, it did. Then he was aware of the warmth enveloping him, and a warm weight on his chest, and the pervading cold didn’t seem as painful.

For a while he just existed, his mind too numb to allow him to do otherwise, and then he remembered. Being thrown into the water, Xellos pulling him out, the trek to the cave… then it muddled and there was nothing. But unless this was hell, he was alive.

Zelgadis managed to open his eyes and flinched when he found himself staring into Xellos’ purple eyes. The Mazoku was lying on top of him, his chin resting against the top of his gloved hands, which were folded on the blankets covering the chimera’s chest. And he didn’t have the strength to move, let alone throw Xellos off.

This had to be hell.

Xellos grinned. “Good morning, Zelgadis-san.” The chimera couldn’t even summon the strength to glare, and settled for rolling his eyes. “I didn’t realize you could get hypothermia.”

Zelgadis hadn’t, either, but it certainly explained a lot. Go figure this awful body would have a weakness like that. At least he could guess why Xellos was on him, not that he was happy with it. “Still cold,” he managed. He was also exhausted, and doubted he’d be conscious for much longer. Only the cold was keeping him awake.

The Mazoku moved, finally, off of him and to the fire. Zelgadis shivered, closing his eyes tightly as the cold bordered on painful again. Then a hand tilted his head, and he jerked away, his eyes opening. His movements nearly overturned a steaming bowl Xellos was holding.

“Zelgadis-san, it’s soup. It should help.”

The chimera stilled, and Xellos brought the bowl to his lips, allowing him small sips. The liquid warmed him a bit from the inside, and he found himself unable to cling to consciousness, even for more soup. Zelgadis’ eyes drifted shut. He felt his head gently lowered and the blankets pulled more snuggly about him before he fell asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Nine_

It had taken quite a while for Xellos to get out of his foul mood. Beastmaster had summoned him and quashed his idea of dumping Zelgadis with Lina, Amelia, and Gourry. When he asked if she didn’t have another, more pressing task for him, she had informed him that this was entertaining her more than anything else he could be doing. Really, he had no choice but to obey Zelas-sama, but where he was usually happy to do so he was decidedly less than pleased with this assignment.

Part of his frustration had been taken out on the residents of one of the coastal towns of Dils, where he had done some “shopping.” The rest had been taken out on Zelgadis, who had slept through Xellos’ antics and was now dressed in warm bunny footie pajamas (complete with a hood with floppy ears) and a garish purple sweater. The chimera probably wouldn’t appreciate it, but Xellos figured it was at least a step up from being naked.

When Zelgadis did wake, he didn’t notice at first. In fact, he seemed disoriented, struggling to his feet and starting for the cave entrance.

Xellos stopped him, concerned. “Zelgadis-san, it’s storming.”

The chimera blinked at him, frowning. “There’s no bathroom here.”

The Mazoku considered this for a moment. He knew the wind was too cutting to let Zelgadis leave the cave. His temperature was only just returning to normal, and it would probably be unwise to expose him to the cold again so quickly. “Go deeper in the cave. It’s too cold, and you’re still recovering.”

Zelgadis nodded tiredly and changed direction, already starting to shiver. Xellos sat down near the blankets and watched as he moved beyond the light of the campfire and further into the cave, then started warming some soup. When the chimera returned several minutes later, he was fully awake and quite irritated.

“What the hell is this? Where are my clothes?”

Xellos smiled, gesturing at the folded pile of clothing beside him. It had finished drying a few hours ago. “Don’t you like being dressed as Zelga-bunny?”

“Stop toying with me.” The chimera glared, yanking the hood back. “I am not a doll!”

“No,” Xellos agreed. “However, you were freezing to death and your clothing was soaked. Beggars can’t be choosers! Since I couldn’t warm you with spells, I had to do it the old fashioned way!”

Zelgadis froze and stared at him. “What?”

“I wrapped you in my cloak while I went for blankets. It’s a good thing it’s part of me. Amelia-san mentioned that body heat was best.”

The chimera didn’t move, and his emotions swirled chaotically as he stood there and shivered.

“Yare yare. You’re going to catch cold.”

Zelgadis’ emotions settled into embarrassment and confusion, and he sat down by the fire and yanked the blankets around him, still shivering. He didn’t react when Xellos reached over and pulled his hood back up. “When did you talk to Amelia?” he asked after a few minutes of silence, not looking at the Mazoku.

“I ran into Lina-tachi in the first town we were in while I was getting supplies earlier.” He set a coffeepot near the fire to warm and passed Zelgadis a bowl of soup.

“I shouldn’t have coffee. Caffeine’s bad with hypothermia,” Zelgadis said softly, taking the bowl.

“Ah. Chamomile tea?” Zelgadis nodded, and Xellos removed the coffeepot and replaced it with a teapot. “They found the laboratory. Poor Amelia-san was quite beside herself.”

“They were looking for me?”

“Of course.” Xellos frowned at the chimera’s surprise. “Lina-san thought I had killed you, actually.”

“Like you were supposed to.”

Xellos looked at him sharply, but Zelgadis only sipped at his soup and stared into the fire. “I didn’t.”

“And I’m still trying to figure out if that’s a good thing or not.”

The swordsman’s attitude was becoming more than a little irritating. “Mou, don’t you ever get tired of being so gloomy all the time?”

“I haven’t exactly had anything to be happy about lately.”

He had a point. Xellos checked the tea and poured cups for them. “Perhaps something should be done to change that.”

“Good luck trying.” Zelgadis grabbed his cup and sipped. “I’ve been trying ever since Rezzo ruined my life.”

Xellos didn’t know how to respond to that, and they sat in silence drinking their tea. The Mazoku considered his options, which were no longer as plentiful as he wanted. If they met up with Lina, he’d have to follow their little party around until they went to Seyruun, as per Zelas’ orders. On the other hand, he could probably steer them toward Seyruun with little difficulty, and Zelgadis would be in less danger with more people to help him; or more, with Lina’s tendency to attract trouble. The only other option was to avoid Lina, and he doubted the chimera would let that happen now that he knew they were looking for him. He would probably prefer traveling with them, anyway.

He didn’t even realize that Zelgadis had fallen asleep until he felt wire poking at his shoulder and found the sorcerer leaning against him. Xellos frowned at the sleeping youth before deciding to just let him stay where he was. Chamomile often acted as a sleep aid and a healing agent of sorts in humans, and it was likely that the chimera needed his sleep.

Xellos settled in for a long night.

\--

The power that Rezzo forced into him burned. And the pain wasn’t just physical. His  _soul_  was being ripped apart. Rezzo was changing him in an unnatural way, and he now knew all too well that he wasn’t being given power. He felt his skin cracking open and something drilling into his head, but even worse was the cold  _thing_  that tore at his soul, ripping at it and becoming part of it.

Zelgadis didn’t want this, but Rezzo ignored his screams, his struggles, even his begging, and kept going.

The world shifted, and he found himself in a tank surrounded by a viscous fluid, with tubes forced into his skin and something heavy on his face, Rezzo observing him through the glass as one would look at an animal in a zoo. Zelgadis tried to free himself, only to find that it was too difficult to move.

“Zelgadis-san.”

The voice made him go still, and Xellos appeared where Rezzo had been, touching the glass of the tank. His eyes glowed a soul-piercing violet. The glass melted away and Zelgadis could feel his hand as it shook him gently.

“Zelgadis-san, you’re dreaming. Wake up.”

He found himself in Xellos’ arms, and was unsure whether this was also part of a nightmare. Zelgadis jerked away, only to move too close to the campfire and catch the sleeve of the awful purple sweater he was wearing on fire. He ripped the sweater off as the fire crept up toward his shoulder, flinging it from him.

The chimera sat there, breathing heavily, as his surroundings reoriented around him. They were in the cave, not with Rezzo or in the awful laboratory that he hadn’t realized he remembered.

He suddenly felt intensely claustrophobic and stifled, and wanted nothing more than to run, even if it meant going out into the raging winter storm. Xellos’ hand on his shoulder startled him, and the urge disappeared.

The Mazoku looked concerned. “You were talking in your sleep, Zelgadis-san.” Zelgadis avoided his gaze. “‘Please stop,’ over and over again.”

The chimera knew Xellos was fishing for an explanation, one that he wasn’t willing to give. Instead of responding, he grabbed the blankets and curled up a bit away from the fire. That dream, of becoming a chimera, always left him exhausted. Just before he drifted back into a deep, dreamless sleep, he thought he felt a gentle, cool hand touch his forehead.

When Zelgadis next awoke, his head felt as though it had been stuffed with cotton, and his muscles ached. As he regained awareness he realized there was a cool cloth on his forehead, covering his eyes. When he removed it, he found that he was alone. With some difficulty, he managed to sit up and grabbed the waterskin from his bag, drinking his fill.

Something was wrong. He didn’t normally sleep this much, even given the opportunity. He usually didn’t require much sleep. Or much food, for that matter, but he could write his appetite off as part of recovering from months imprisoned in a specimen tank. But the sleep wasn’t making much sense, and with the way he was feeling, he’d almost say he was ill.

Except Rezzo had boasted that his immune system, boosted as it was after being spliced with that of a rock golem and brow demon, was impenetrable. And as much as he hated Rezzo, the bastard had very rarely been wrong.

And given that Zelgadis hadn’t ever been sick as a chimera before now, he doubted that this was one of those rare occasions.

Xellos reappeared. “Ah, you’re awake.” The Mazoku reached forward, brushing his hand against the chimera’s forehead, and Zelgadis flinched back instinctively. Xellos seemed not to notice. “Your fever is down.”

“Fever?” So he  _was_  sick, even though that shouldn’t have been possible. Zelgadis considered the situation. “It must have been a fever dream,” he said softly.

Xellos frowned at him, but didn’t reply. Instead he busied himself with a teapot, pulling an aromatic sachet from his bag. It didn’t smell like the tea the priest generally made.

“What’s that?” the chimera asked after watching him set the sachet to steep.

“Herbs. Basically a natural remedy. Humans really are quite inventive.”

“I shouldn’t be able to get sick.” It was all he could think to say, because it was true. Even with everything that had happened, it shouldn’t have been possible, unless… “That sorcerer…”

Xellos nodded, having guessed his thoughts. “He disturbed a careful balance he didn’t understand. His experiments made you less stable.”

“It’s just going to get worse, isn’t it?”

The Mazoku didn’t answer, but he didn’t need to. Zelgadis already knew the answer. If the balance within him had been broken, it was only a matter of time before the human, golem, and demon parts started to destroy each other. For the first time in a long time, he wished Rezzo was alive, if only so he could fix this. Zelgadis pulled the blankets more snugly around himself, shivering from something other than cold.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Ten_

Xellos hadn’t bothered to mention the blizzard, probably on purpose. If anything it only made Lina more determined. Even though they were cold, Amelia and Gourry hadn’t complained. They managed to reach a town before the storm became too unbearable to continue.

The first night there they discovered they were in the right place. Some of the drunks in the restaurant were boasting of slaying a monster, and though they were clearly exaggerating the tale, the details made it all too clear that they were talking about Zelgadis.

Only worry for Zel kept Lina from fireballing the inn right then and there. But, then, her version of restraint was grabbing one of the drunks and forcing information out of him. She spared his life, merely blasting him through a wall with Flare Arrow.

“You better hope for your sake Zel’s not dead,” she told his friends as they cowered in a corner of the bar. “Cuz I was holding back.”

Later on, one of them muttered something about “crazy demon-lovers,” and faced Amelia’s fists of justice and a long lecture on the unjustness of judging others based on appearance. The other patrons avoided them and kept quiet after that, which was fine with her.

It was the days-long wait that really bothered Lina. She had read between the lines in the rumors they’d heard, and realized that a sorcerer conducting chimera experiments and trying to replicate Rezzo’s results would most likely have captured Zel for research. Enough people knew he had been turned into a chimera by the Red Priest to make that a real danger. And even though she knew he could take care of himself, she’d had a bad feeling and she’d learned not to ignore those.

She’d kept it from Gourry and Amelia, hoping she was wrong. Lina had convinced them that they should check out this lead for Zel to help him find his cure. Amelia had enthusiastically endorsed the idea, but Lina didn’t think Gourry had been convinced. He certainly hadn’t seemed surprised when they found Zel’s sword and the charm Amelia had given to him in the burned remains of the sorcerer’s laboratory. He’d just looked to her, expecting Lina to have an idea of where to go from there when she didn’t. For all the bravado she’d put on for Amelia, until Xellos showed up and hinted otherwise she had given up hope that their friend was still alive.

With Zel so close, but cut off by the storm, waiting was almost unbearable. It was almost a relief when Gourry convinced Amelia to put a sleep spell on her, only waking her when the storm was winding down the next morning.

Not that it had kept her from pummeling them.

They set out as soon as the weather was mildly tolerable, headed for the lake whose location Lina had beaten from the boasting drunk. She figured that once they got there, they’d find some sort of sign that would help them find Zel.

And they had, in the form of a sword imbedded in a bluff and a trickle of smoke from the far side of the lake. A quick Ray Wing later, and they were standing at the entrance to a cave.

Despite having rushed to get there, Lina found herself hesitant to go in, afraid of what she would find. Amelia and Gourry seemed equally reluctant, and she eventually forced herself to enter the cave.

Inside, near a campfire, Xellos sat cross-legged near a bundle of blankets. Amelia rushed past Lina with a soft cry, kneeling next to the bundle and carefully lifting a corner of a blanket to reveal Zel’s flushed face.

Xellos looked unsurprised by their arrival. “I thought you might see the smoke.”

“He’s running a fever,” Amelia said softly. It was worse than that, Lina could see. The chimera was having some trouble breathing.

The Mazoku’s smile twisted a bit. “I’m afraid I’m not very good with human illnesses. He appeared to be getting better, then suddenly became much sicker. Also, white magic would likely kill him at the moment.”

Lina frowned at this information, but didn’t ask. That could wait. “Illness can’t really be healed with Recovery, anyway. We’re going to need medicine.” She knelt beside Amelia, reaching over to pull the blanket back further and scowling as she saw what Zel was wearing.

Amelia was outraged. “Xellos-san, you shouldn’t toy with him when he’s sick!” The Mazoku didn’t respond.

Lina decided to take charge of the situation. “Amelia, we’re going to need supplies and medicine for Zel. Take Gourry with you.”

“But Lina-san—“

“No ‘buts.’ You’re training to be a priestess, right? You know all this healing junk. You’ll know what to get, and I won’t. I’ll stay here and make sure Zel’s okay.” Amelia looked like she might pout, and Lina continued hurriedly. “Zel needs your help.”

The princess finally nodded. “Come on, Gourry-san!” She grabbed his arm and dragged him from the cave, and Lina heard her cast Ray Wing, followed by Gourry’s typical yelp of fear at flying.

Then she turned to Xellos. “You’re telling me what happened. Everything.”

The Mazoku frowned at her, pulling the blankets back over Zelgadis. “I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific, Lina-san. I don’t know everything myself.”

Lina managed to hold back from violence only because she didn’t want to wake Zel. “I know he was captured by that sorcerer. I didn’t tell Gourry and Amelia that. I hoped I was wrong. What did he do to Zel?”

Xellos bowed his head slightly, his bangs falling into his face and hiding his eyes. “Experiments. I don’t know exactly what, and I doubt Zelgadis-san knows either. However… The effect is that the three parts of his soul—the golem, brow demon, and human—have been partially separated. Magic, particularly Astral, widens the partition and could conceivably destroy his soul.”

From a scientific aspect, that kind of magical application was almost fascinating, but more horrifying to Lina because it was happening to Zel. She wanted to blast something.

“It’s not fair,” she finally said after calming down. “He’s already been through enough!”

“It also appears that the experiments threw off the careful balance Akahoushi Rezzo set up. He mentioned that he shouldn’t be able to get sick.”

Lina’s fingernails were cutting into her palm through the gloves, and she flexed her hands. “How can we undo this? We can make the sorcerer fix this, can’t we?”

“The sorcerer is dead, Lina-san. I wasn’t aware of Zelgadis-san’s predicament at the time.”

“Okay, so his notes. Maybe if we read his notes and find out what he did—“

“Destroyed.”

Lina grabbed his mantle and shook him. “Why? Why the hell did you do that?”

“Sore wa—“

Zelgadis’ soft, hoarse voice interrupted him. “His orders.” Then he broke into a coughing fit.

“Zel!” Lina immediately let go of Xellos, pushing him back and thwacking the chimera on the back a few times.

When the coughing subsided, he smiled slightly, looking grateful and a bit surprised. “You came.”

“’Course I came, you big dope!” She grinned at him, helping him sit up slightly so she could give him some water. “So Xellos saved you?”

“He wasn’t supposed to.” Xellos frowned, but didn’t say anything. Zelgadis didn’t seem to notice. In fact, Lina realized, he was only just barely awake. “Best I can tell, his orders were to destroy all the research. That should’ve included me.” He coughed again. “I think he defied Beastmaster, but I don’t know why.”

At that, Xellos did speak, looking somewhat alarmed. “Zelgadis-san, that…”

The Mazoku trailed off as the chimera’s eyes slid shut again. “Oh, I wasn’t supposed to know that, was I? Sorry.” His tone was actually apologetic. Xellos’ frown deepened.

Lina decided to deal with that issue later. “Zel, do you have any ideas about how to fix this?”

“No,” he murmured. “Might not be fixable…”

“Don’t be such a pessimist! We’re going to figure it out, and then we’ll all go with you to look for a cure.”

Zelgadis’ eyes opened, regarding her blearily. “I’m done. It doesn’t matter anymore,” he whispered. “There is no cure.” His eyes closed and his head lolled slightly as he fell back to sleep.

Lina winced, and not only because Zel was leaning against her now and was  _heavy_. The one thing he’d always been determined about was finding his cure, and now he was giving up, and he sounded so… hopeless. As if he expected that he was going to die. As if she’d allow that!

To her surprise, Xellos carefully lifted him off her and then settled Zelgadis on the ground, even drawing the covers up around the chimera’s shoulders. She had never seen him do anything like that without reason. He’d picked Lina up and been pretty gentle about it when they were fighting Dark Star, but that had been to save the world. Well, so Mazoku could destroy it, he’d said.

“You don’t do anything without a reason. You always have a plan or ulterior motive.” Xellos regarded her silently, his eyes hidden in shadow again. “I don’t care why you saved him. I’m just glad that you did,” she told him. “But if you hurt Zel, I swear I’ll find a way to kill you.”

“Yare yare. So untrusting.”

“With good reason.”

“Saa…” Xellos lifted his head and Lina repressed a shiver as he regarded her impassively with his inhuman eyes. “And if I told you I have no ulterior motive?”

“I wouldn’t believe you.”

The Mazoku grinned at her, standing. “Well, I suppose there’s no point in trying to convince you otherwise.” He disappeared.

Lina glared at the spot where he had been, then sighed and settled back to wait for Amelia and Gourry to return.

\--

Xellos watched from the Astral Plane as Zelgadis was cared for by his three friends. Amelia and Gourry had bought proper thermal pajamas for the chimera, and Lina and the princess had retreated from the cave while Gourry painstakingly helped a barely-conscious Zelgadis change, a task made more difficult when his wire hair got caught in the shirt. Amelia had apparently decided to buy the entire stock of pillows from the village market—how they had managed to carry them back to the cave was a mystery—and had set up a “bed” for him, warning both Lina and Gourry not to steal any of the pillows. Zelgadis had seemed irritated, but had apparently known better than to argue with the determined champion of justice.

And they had, of course, gotten medicine. From their conversation, Xellos had realized his mistake; apparently one large dose of medicine was not enough. Against all logic and efficiency, humans required small doses over a longer period of time. The Mazoku could almost appreciate the chaos of it, though his lack of knowledge could have easily killed Zelgadis.

Normally Xellos wouldn’t have been offended by Lina’s assumption that he had an ulterior motive, because it was usually true. This time, however, it bothered him, because it _should_  have been true and wasn’t. Having an ulterior motive would have made sense of his actions, but his altruism was actually getting somewhat painful. He had given the chimera too much information, and now it was in part known to Lina—who didn’t believe it, thankfully. This weakness was too easily deduced with such information, and he didn’t want it exploited.

The desire to help Zelgadis for the sake of it went against his nature as a Mazoku. Given the choice, he would be quite happy to leave the chimera to Lina, Amelia, and Gourry, and go off for some chaos-causing destructive enjoyment. But orders were orders, and he was bound to do as Beastmaster commanded. He only hoped that he wouldn’t become useless to her if this continued.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Eleven_

One would think Zelgadis would be used to waking up to explosions after having traveled with Lina Inverse so often, but this particular explosion shook the cave and brought a rather large stalactite down too close to him for comfort. He sat up, only to find he was in the cave alone. He could hear Amelia yelling outside and assumed Gourry was out there as well.

Then the cave rumbled again, and the mouth of the cave seemed to collapse, filling the air with dust that made Zelgadis start coughing again. The fire banked violently, but brightened again as the rumbling stopped and the dust began to settle, only to reveal a wall of rock where the entrance had once been.

“Shit.” Zelgadis groaned. He couldn’t even sleep without something crazy happening. He was sure Lina, Amelia, and Gourry would dig him out without much trouble, but he was equally sure that the trigger-happy townspeople wouldn’t take kindly to a sudden explosion after everything. At least he was mostly recovered, having rested for several days.

He had dressed and was carefully filling his pack when Xellos arrived. “Yare yare. Lina-san can be so destructive!” he said cheerfully.

Zelgadis rolled his eyes. He hadn’t seen the Mazoku since Lina, Amelia, and Gourry had arrived several days ago, though he was sure Xellos had kept an eye on them. Him showing up now just proved it. “What’d she do now?”

Xellos’ smile widened. “She decided to go fishing.”

The chimera processed this for a second, then groaned. “Oh, gods. Didn’t she learn from the debacle in Acassi? We’re all going to start talking in carp or something, aren’t we?”

The priest brought a hand to his mouth, his shoulders shaking slightly in laughter. “You all do get in the most interesting trouble. In any case, Amelia-san believes it would be safer to clear out the cave in from the inside.”

“If the whole cave doesn’t come down in the process,” Zelgadis grumbled, pulling on the warm traveling gear that Xellos had provided. He attached the sword Gourry had retrieved to his belt.

The Mazoku glanced around their surroundings. “It shouldn’t, if this is done properly.”

“I’ll be prepared to run, just in case.” Zelgadis shouldered his pack after tossing the rest of his meager belongings in. “We’re going to have to leave anyway. That explosion probably riled up those villagers again.”

Xellos shrugged and waved his staff. The pillows and blankets disappeared, and Zelgadis didn’t bother to ask what he’d done with them; it was probably a secret, anyway. Then the Mazoku turned toward the cave in and pointed his staff at the wall of loose rocks. A beam of energy surged from the orb, melting through the rock without shaking the cave.

Zelgadis watched with a reluctant feeling of awe. Not even Lina would be able to control that amount of power so tightly. He again found himself wondering what the Mazoku wanted with him, well aware that they didn’t stand a chance if he decided to kill them.

Sunlight streamed in as the last layer of stone melted away, and Xellos blasted the molten sides of the tunnel with a burst of cold air before lowering his staff. A few seconds later, Amelia bounded in, her face etched with relieved happiness.

“Zelgadis-san! I’m so glad it didn’t all cave in!”

“Ah, they don’t seem to be speaking koigo, Zelgadis-san,” Xellos said, almost inaudible. “What a shame.” Then he disappeared from the mortal realm in a shimmer of violet.

Zelgadis snorted in amusement and stepped forward to meet the princess. “We’d better get out of here.”

Lina was complaining about the lack of food when they left the cave, and Zelgadis glanced at the steaming crater where the lake had been, then stared at her, crossing his arms. “Didn’t you learn anything from Acassi about fishing with Dragon Slave?”

Gourry frowned. “Acassi?”

Lina rolled her eyes. “Remember the octopus and being cursed to speak takogo?”

“Hm…” The blond swordsman scratched his chin, thinking hard. “No.”

“Jellyfish Brains.” Lina turned back to Zelgadis. “It’s not like the lake is cursed or anything.”

“You hope,” Zelgadis added. “Besides, didn’t you fail to catch anything because Dragon Slave vaporized the fish?”

The sorceress winced. “Right, right, but the water was frozen over here.”

“And what still happened?”

“…The fish were vaporized.” She pouted. “I was  _hungry_.”

Amelia cut in. “Lina-san, we could have gone to town for supplies again. It isn’t that far away. You—”

Lina suddenly looked angry, and Amelia backed off quickly. “After what they tried to do to Zel, they don’t deserve my money.”

Zelgadis couldn’t help feeling touched by Lina’s anger on his behalf. Try as he might, he couldn’t hold onto his irritation. He sighed. “Well, we’d better get out of here before they come to investigate and find this crater. I don’t feel like dodging spells again.”

“I’ll go pack up,” Amelia volunteered, apparently eager to get away from Lina, who was muttering ominously about the villagers. She hurried back to the cave.

“Lina, they’re just protecting their village,” Zelgadis said quietly. He didn’t bother to say from what; he was well aware that he looked like a monster to most people, but he knew the hot-headed sorceress would overreact if he mentioned it. “It’s better to just avoid trouble.” To his relief, she calmed down.

Gourry frowned at Zelgadis, concerned. “Are you sure you’re up to traveling, Zel?”

The chimera considered. He felt a lot better than he had, and while he didn’t want to push himself and get sick again, they didn’t really have a choice but to leave. “I’ll be fine. Let’s just get out of the vicinity at least.”

He sighed and rubbed his forehead in irritation as Amelia shouted something about pillows from the cave. This was just not his month.

\--

Lina had levitated and found that there was a larger town almost directly to the south that would take less time to reach even without a path. They could probably reach it by nightfall, though only barely. If Zel was right, she figured it was better to avoid any roads that the villagers might take. She didn’t want to endanger him when he had just recovered.

More than anything, though, Lina wanted to talk to Zel in private about their brief conversation when he’d been half asleep and probably delirious. This time without Xellos around, preferably. She hadn’t had the opportunity, and she didn’t want to worry Amelia and Gourry if she didn’t have to. No, it had to be in private.

She got an idea around midday, while they were stopped for a meager lunch of fish caught from a frozen stream. “Hey, Amelia, we’re not going to reach that town before night. Maybe you and Gourry should fly ahead and get rooms at the inn before it’s too late. That way we’ll have somewhere to stay.”

The princess frowned. “Why don’t we all do that?”

To Lina’s relief, Zel spoke up. “I can’t do spells now, and neither you nor Lina would be able to take my weight.”

“That’s right. I’d just send you, but you need a bodyguard. Phil-san would be angry if I let something happen to you.” Lina grinned. “‘Sides, it’d be better for Zel’s health if we stayed at an inn instead of out here in the cold, ne?”

“Oi, Lina, why don’t you go with me?” Gourry asked.

Lina repressed a sigh of annoyance. “Because I have more experience fighting bandits than Amelia does. Plus Astral magic hurts Zel. Amelia uses a lot of Astral magic, but I use Black magic so it’d be safer for him if we have to fight.”

Amelia seemed to accept that, though it took a little more convincing to get her to leave right away.

When they were finally gone, Zel snorted. “You are so full of it.”

“Oi. I didn’t lie.”

“Your justifications sound like Xellos’.”

Lina glared. “Ugh. Don’t compare me to  _him_.”

“Then get to the point.” Zel rolled his eyes, getting to his feet and indicating that they should continue toward the town. “I’m assuming you want to talk to me about something?”

Lina nodded as they started hiking again. “Do you remember talking to me when I first found you? Xellos hadn’t left yet.”

“Vaguely. Nothing specific.”

“You were pretty out of it,” Lina told him, “but glad I came. I’m guessing traveling alone with Xellos isn’t a picnic.”

“No kidding.”

Lina considered how to continue. “You mentioned that Xellos defied orders when he rescued you from that sorcerer. That he should’ve killed you. Xellos didn’t seem too happy when you said that.” She decided not to mention the chimera’s apology.

Zel winced. “I don’t think I was supposed to know that. I guessed it, and he kind of confirmed it, but…” He shook his head. “I don’t know what’s with him. He’s acting weird. Well, weird for him, anyway.”

Now Lina was really curious. “How?”

The chimera frowned, thinking. “It’s hard to vocalize. He’s acting nice. Like he actually cares about my well-being or something. Not all the time, but off and on, it’s like he’s concerned.” He sighed. “He’s Mazoku, and I know they’re not capable of it, but… I think something’s going on.”

Lina groaned. “Something’s always going on. The Mazoku are always after us for some reason.”

Zel didn’t reply for a few minutes as they picked their way across some rough terrain. “In any case, whatever’s going on involves me. I don’t know how I fit into whatever plans they have, but I don’t like it at all.” He jumped nimbly over a fallen tree, and Lina levitated after him. “I’m not a pawn for the Mazoku.”

Lina nodded, thinking about the rest of what Zel had said. They continued on in silence for a while before she decided to mention it. “You weren’t serious, were you? About giving up looking for a cure?”

“I don’t know.” He didn’t look at her. “I… After all this time, I don’t know if it exists. I could look my whole life and still never find it. And look where my search got me. Now I can’t even use magic, and…” he trailed off, stopping and closing his eyes as if in pain. Lina touched his shoulder, worried. “I don’t know how much longer I’m going to live, Lina. Just being exposed to magic could kill me. I shouldn’t be able to get sick, but I did. It might not matter soon.”

She didn’t know what to say, only following Zel dumbly when he started walking again. Finally, anger burst through the numbness. She punched his shoulder, then winced and shook her aching hand. “Dammit, Zel. We’re not giving up, so you can’t either. We’ll find a way to fix this!” She glared at him. “And then me and Gourry’ll take some time off from bandit-hunting and help you.”

Zel looked up and smiled at her, but she could tell he didn’t believe her. She didn’t need to be a Mazoku to feel his hopelessness, and the fact that she really had no idea how to help him made everything worse. They didn’t talk the rest of the way to town.

\--

The mask and hood he wore had made the innkeeper suspicious, but Lina had smoothed things over somehow and he’d been able to retreat to his room. Amelia brought him food, but seemed to sense that he wanted to be alone.

Zelgadis felt bad for bursting Lina’s bubble. He should have allowed her hope, even if he knew there was none. Even if he refused to deceive himself about his chances, it had been cruel and selfish of him to burden her like that.

He napped until well after midnight, then quietly went down to the baths. He had hoped they would be empty, but when he got down there he found Xellos, of all people, relaxing in the warm water. Zelgadis gritted his teeth in irritation. He knew well enough that the Mazoku didn’t need to bathe, and could easily guess why he was there. The chimera certainly wasn’t going to get a bath while Xellos was there.

“What do you want?” he demanded.

Xellos smiled. “Ah, Zelgadis-san. The baths at this inn are quite refreshing.”

Zelgadis glared. “Cut the crap.”

The priest feigned surprise. “Such foul language! I didn’t expect that from you.”

The chimera felt a headache coming on. “Just tell me what you want and leave me in peace, Xellos.”

“You’re always so impatient.” Zelgadis crossed his arms and stared silently. “Yare yare. Here I thought I would keep you company. After all, we did have such a nice time traveling together.”

“I don’t want your company. Why are you still following me?”

Xellos continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “You rather upset poor Lina-san, you know. She actually thought you were dead when they found that the sorcerer’s lab had been burned. And now you’ve convinced her that you’re going to die anyway.” Zelgadis felt a stab of guilt. “She hardly ate dinner.”

Zelgadis gritted his teeth. “There’s no point in getting her hopes up. I know I have no chance.”

The Mazoku cocked his head, studying him. The chimera looked away. “Actually, you have a fair chance. While Sairaag, with all its magical lore, is destroyed, the libraries of Seyruun are quite extensive and devoted to healing.”

“They have very little about chimera. This is a problem regarding the balance Rezzo set up, and whatever that sorcerer did to it. It’s not a matter of healing.”

“Isn’t it?” Xellos mused, still smiling. “Perhaps you’re so fixated on the chimera aspect that you’re missing the larger picture.”

Zelgadis glared at Xellos before he suddenly realized something. He hesitated before speaking. “You’ve been ordered to stay with me, haven’t you?” Xellos’ smile suddenly became dangerous, and he knew he was right. “And you just want me to go to Seyruun for your own purposes.”

“Do I?” The priest’s voice was mild, but Zelgadis could practically feel his anger.

“What if I don’t want to go to Seyruun?”

The Mazoku’s eyes opened, and Zelgadis couldn’t stop a shiver of fear from running through his body. “Oh? Have you become so attached to me? Perhaps you want me to stay?” The smile suddenly became a leer, and Zel looked away, feeling inexplicably hurt.

“Fine. If it gets me away from you, I’ll go to Seyruun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Koigo is basically “carp language,” if you didn’t get it. That whole Acassi thing is from Slayers Premium, which, while totally OOC, was still pretty amusing. I still giggle when I think of Zel’s emo eyes in Premium.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Twelve_

After Zelgadis relented, Xellos allowed him some privacy—perceived, anyway. In reality, he didn’t leave. His anger had left him when the chimera’s feeling of hurt and betrayal hit him. Those emotions had surprised Xellos, because they implied at least some level of trust. Zelgadis knew his nature, knew better than to trust him, and yet he apparently had on some level. For all the time he spent around humans, their emotional complexities still confused Xellos at times.

Or maybe it wasn’t trust at all. Zelgadis had realized that Xellos had been ordered to accompany him. Perhaps the sorcerer believed Xellos was helping him altruistically, something that went against Mazoku nature. It was, to some extent, true, but the priest was shocked that he was foolish enough to believe something that should have been an impossibility.

Nonetheless, he found that the youth’s emotions bothered him for some reason, and he found himself unable to leave completely. Zelgadis bathed quickly and retired, and Xellos watched him sleep for a while before retreating more fully to the Astral Plane.

Beastmaster had already refused to let him out of this mission, and her true motivations were a mystery to him. Perhaps she had plans for Zelgadis that Xellos was unaware of, or plans for Seyruun that required the chimera’s presence. Or perhaps she was truly just bored. Xellos knew better that to return to her and plead for relief.

He allowed himself to drift in the refreshing chaos of the Astral Plane, in what, for Mazoku, passed for sleep.

\--

Lina brought coffee and breakfast up to Zel the next morning only to find that he was still sleeping. She set the tray on the dresser and sighed.

“Oi, Zel, you going to sleep all day?” She reclined on the chair.

The chimera stirred and blinked at her. “All day? What time is it?”

Lina grinned. “After nine. You’re usually up at the crack of dawn, and we need to get going if we want to reach the next town by nightfall.” She shrugged. “Unless you want to rest here for a while. We’re only a few days from Gyria. That might be a better place to relax, since it’s bigger. It prolly has a decent library.”

Zel shrugged. “I’ve been there. Nothing on chimera, so it wouldn’t matter.” He didn’t look at her, and Lina had the impression something was wrong. “I figure Seyruun’s the best chance, since Sairaag’s been destroyed.”

“You okay, Zel?”

He sighed. “Xellos decided to show up last night.”

Lina stiffened. Even if Xellos was sometimes useful and occasionally helpful, his presence meant a Mazoku plot. “What’d he want?”

Zel didn’t answer for a moment. “He wants me to go to Seyruun. I guessed that it had to do with his orders, and he became angry.”

“Wanna go somewhere else, then? I mean, we can go to the coast, like Atlass or somewhere, and avoid Seyruun altogether.”

The chimera shook his head. “I might as well find out what kind of plot he’s got going. He won’t leave me alone if I don’t go. You don’t need to come, if you’d rather stay out of it. I don’t want to drag you guys into a Mazoku plot.”

Lina scowled at him. “Stop talking crazy. We’re coming with you and helping you. There’s no way you can take on the Mazoku alone.”

Zel laughed humorlessly. “Even together, even if I was able to use magic, we wouldn’t stand a chance against Xellos.” He shrugged. “I don’t think he wants me dead, anyway.”

“What makes you think that? We can’t exactly trust him.”

Zel pulled a pendant from under his thermal pajama shirt, one she’d noticed before but hadn’t paid attention to. “He made this. To protect me from spells, he said. It’s probably the only reason those villagers didn’t succeed in killing me.”

Lina leaned forward and examined the blood-red stone. It resembled her Demon Blood Talismans, and she could feel a protective magic emanating from it. “Huh. It’s pretty strong. But he could destroy it easily when he’s done using you.”

“He could destroy all of us. I’m already going to…” To Lina’s relief, he didn’t complete that statement. “I don’t want you guys to get hurt because of this.”

“We’re still coming. Seyruun’s Amelia’s home, and me and Gourry aren’t going to miss this.” Even if they had no chance, Lina wasn’t going to let Zel face this alone. He hadn’t abandoned her when they’d faced Gaav and Dark Star, and she wasn’t going to abandon him. She stood and waved her hand at the tray. “Eat your breakfast before I do. I’m gonna go get supplies for the trip and explain what’s going on to Amelia and Gourry.”

“Lina.” She stopped at the door and looked at him. He smiled, the first real smile she’d seen from him in a while. “Thanks.”

“No problem. We’ll figure things out, ne? Stop worrying.”

The truth was, she would worry enough for the both of them.

\--

Amelia and Gourry had been just as determined to help as Lina, and Zelgadis had given in. He couldn’t make them leave, even if he thought they were making a mistake. Part of him was grateful that they were accompanying him, but he would have preferred to at least keep them from having to watch him die.

Zelgadis’ thoughts were dark, but he wasn’t relieved when Amelia started up a steady stream of excited planning. Phil-san, she said, had plenty of pull with the sorcerers of Seyruun, and together everyone would be sure to find a way to help him. Her optimism wasn’t contagious, and Zelgadis actually found it a little painful; at some point her bubble would burst, and it would hurt her.

“Maybe together we can even find a cure to return you to human, Zelgadis-san!”

The chimera doubted it, but faked a smile that seemed to please her anyway. “Lina might know some sorcerers,” he told her, hoping that she would try to plan with the sorceress for a while.

“You’re right! And Gourry-san could contact Sylphiel-san! She knows a lot about healing magic. Remember when she saved Lina-san?” The princess smiled. “If you hadn’t gotten them way from Copy Rezzo-san, Lina-san would have died.”

Zelgadis didn’t answer for a moment. “I guess so,” he finally said. “Lina might have some better ideas than me.”

Amelia looked surprised, then hurt, as his meaning got through. Her face brightened in a false way that reminded him uncomfortably of Xellos and she tried to look reassuring. “It’s okay, Zelgadis-san. You’ve been through so much. Don’t worry. We’ll figure everything out.”

She gravitated toward Lina, who gave him an irritated look when she realized what had happened. He looked away and didn’t notice Gourry until the swordsman put an arm around his shoulders.

“I know you’re not okay, Zel,” he said, his face serious. “And I may not be all that smart, but I know it’s not looking good for you. But at least pretend for them.”

Zelgadis frowned at him, more than a little surprised by the blond’s perceptiveness. “Gourry, if I pretend everything’s okay, it’ll just hurt them more when it’s not.”

Gourry patted him on the back. “Zel, it’s gonna hurt us anyway. Even if you can’t hope, at least let them.”

Zelgadis suddenly felt horribly ashamed at his behavior, and he nodded, not looking at Gourry. For someone with such little intelligence, the swordsman sometimes had the best insight of any of them. “I’ll try,” he whispered.

“Good.” Gourry squeezed his shoulder lightly in manly-hug fashion and then let go of him, turning to Lina. “Oi, Lina! How far’s the next town? I’m hungry!”

This, predictably, resulted in Gourry and Lina arguing and Lina, of course, winning. Zelgadis was sidling up to Amelia, intending to apologize, when they heard the baying.

“Ano… Wolves only come out at night, don’t they?” Amelia’s voice was wavering.

“Maybe they’re hungry?” Gourry suggested, then yelped when Lina hit him again.

Zelgadis caught sight of something that was decidedly bigger than a wolf, with eyes that glowed unnaturally. He pulled out his sword. “Or they’re not wolves at all.”

“Mazoku,” Lina growled, tensing. “Aren’t wolves Beastmaster’s thing? I mean, Wolf Pack Island and all.”

“If it is, at least she’s finally making a move instead of circling around like a vulture,” Zelgadis said, not caring that he was not only referring to himself as carrion but also probably insulting one of the most powerful Mazoku lords still in existence.

There were eight of them in all, and Zelgadis slashed at one that leapt at him. He felt someone at his back and glanced around to find Gourry. “Got your back if you got mine,” Gourry said cheerfully, and the chimera smiled grimly in reply. Lina and Amelia seemed to be thinking the same thing, and Zelgadis turned his mind toward the battle as the creatures attacked as one.

Slash, block, slash again. The wolves didn’t seem injured by his sword, unenhanced by Astral Vine. But when one of the clawed paws evaded his block, he felt stinging pain across his chest and looked down to find blood seeping through several shallow cuts. Either these wolves could cut through his stone skin, or the imbalance of his three aspects had left his skin vulnerable.

He was so startled that he failed to move with Gourry in their battle-dance, leaving him cut off with several wolves leaping at him.

Amelia screamed his name, and he looked at her as she threw a Ra Tilt at the wolf in front of him. But it evaded, and Zelgadis could only watch, horrified, as the attack headed straight for him. The strong Astral spell tore right through the shield Xellos’ pendant threw up in an attempt to protect him, and then there was nothing but pain.

The pain seemed endless, and then something terrible and cold clamped around him, reaching inside and pulling at the tattered edges of his soul. He tried to push it away, but it was immovable. And it felt… familiar.

Zelgadis somehow managed to open his eyes to find Xellos’ face far too close, his eyes open and his face determined and more serious than he had ever seen it before. The sound of Lina and Amelia casting spells and Gourry yelling as he battled were muffled and far away. He could feel the Mazoku trying to reach into his soul, foreign thoughts and feelings brushing against him and burning with a terrible cold fire.

Xellos was trying to  _save_  him, attempting to fuse his soul back together somehow despite the fact that it was fragmenting, too late. Zelgadis resisted. He could feel Xellos’ pain, knew that even touching the chimera’s soul was hurting him. He didn’t care why it hurt him, or why the priest wanted him alive so badly. He only cared not to cause anyone any more pain. The Mazoku stopped reaching, but kept hold of him anyway, kept him from shattering.

“Let me go.” He wasn’t sure if he managed to speak it or only thought it, but he saw Xellos’ eyes widen in shock. The priest shook his head. “Please.”

“If you die here, Amelia-san will blame herself. If you truly wish to destroy her…”

Zelgadis relented, and cold fingers slid into his soul, prodding and pulling, attempting to force together the pieces of a broken puzzle. The pain intensified before fading into nothingness.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Thirteen_

Xellos had always found a crushed soul to be breathtaking. This time it was no different, even as he rushed forward and clamped his Astral body around Zelgadis’ soul to keep it from fracturing into tiny pieces. The rends in the chimera’s soul were complete, and only Xellos’ refusal to allow the tatters to dissipate kept them from disappearing forever. But he could not allow the beauty of such utter ruin to distract him. While he was used to destroying—loved it, even—the Mazoku found that he wanted desperately to reverse this damage, to keep Zelgadis from dying.

Zelgadis’ soul burned him with its undeniable  _goodness_. Even if he felt himself heartless, cruel, and bought into the idea that he was evil because others looked on him as such, the chimera was none of those. He let it burn, and ignored the pain.

Lina, Amelia, and Gourry were fighting the demonic wolves—Zelas-sama’s demonic wolves, he knew. Xellos did not know what the Beastmaster had planned, why she would attack like this after ordering him to escort Zelgadis to Seyruun. But she had not changed his orders, and until he was told otherwise he would fulfill his duty as he saw fit. He formed a barrier that would keep the wolves out and turned his attention back to the chimera.

As he reached in, the chimera’s spirit attempted to push him away, his eyes snapping open and staring at him dully. Xellos could feel Zelgadis’ terrible resigned acceptance. This was not something the priest could do with Zelgadis resisting, and he stopped, but kept himself clamped around his shattered spirit.

A part of Zelgadis’ soul brushed against him, and he felt the request, even as stone lips moved silently. “Let me go.” The soul-touch was overflowing with the chimera’s emotion, a terrible desire for release from a body he had always hated and a life he had come to dread. Zelgadis truly did not want to live, something Xellos had not thought possible.

“Please.” This came from the chimera’s lips, barely a breath.

Xellos felt pain deep within himself, and quickly searched for a way to manipulate Zelgadis, to convince him to stop resisting. Amelia yelling from afar gave him inspiration. “If you die here, Amelia-san will blame herself. If you truly wish to destroy her…”

The youth’s resolve crumbled into regret as he relented, and Xellos immediately reached into the mess that was Zelgadis’ soul.

Zelgadis’ spirit writhed in agony as he tried to manipulate it and repair the damage that had been done. In truth, Xellos didn’t know if it was even possible to save the chimera, but he tried anyway, carefully finding the proper pieces of Zelgadis’ soul and binding them together with Astral energy. The wedge that the sorcerer had placed in the chimera’s soul tore them apart again immediately. Zelgadis convulsed beneath him, then went still.

He heard Lina yelling at him, and felt her battering the shield, and he spared enough energy to glance over his shoulder. “If you break my concentration, Zelgadis-san will die.” Then he ignored her completely, turning back to the task at hand.

Xellos used a good chunk of power to carefully dissolve the partition. The chimera’s pain helped him regain a bit of the power he’d lost, but it bled away quickly as he redoubled his efforts. Xellos was able to use Astral energy to repair enough of Zelgadis’ soul to prevent him from falling apart and dying, but maintaining the balance between the chimera’s three aspects took nearly everything he had.

As Xellos finally released Zelgadis, the full impact of the power drain hit him, and he was unable to maintain his Astral projection. His own consciousness slipped away.

\--

Amelia shivered as she watched Zelgadis sleep. It had been difficult to transport him back to the inn, and she and Gourry had eventually gone back to the town and rented a cart and horse. Even then, getting him upstairs had been hard.

None of them could see the damage to his soul, except maybe Xellos, and he had disappeared after withdrawing his hands from within Zelgadis’ chest. He hadn’t returned, and Zelgadis was still unconscious twelve hours later.

How could she have forgotten that Zelgadis was vulnerable to Astral magic? She had thrown the worst possible spell. Even a fireball would have been better. Amelia was shocked that Lina could be so kind to her after she had nearly killed Zelgadis. Even now, she was useless, since they didn’t dare use magic on him, even a little Recovery to heal the shallow cuts across his chest.

She had managed not to cry, to hold herself together and be strong. Zelgadis had known he could die, and had tried to warn her. At the time she had thought he was being pessimistic, but now she knew better.

But now, as she changed the bandages across his chest, she couldn’t hold back her tears, and several splashed on his stone skin as she worked. The cuts were slowly healing, but still Zelgadis didn’t wake.

“Amelia, you need to rest.” Lina’s voice startled her, and she hiccupped. “Aw, geez, don’t cry. Zel wouldn’t want you to cry.”

Amelia hugged herself, unable to stop. “It’s all my fault, Lina-san,” she wailed softly. “I almost k-killed Zelgadis-san.”

Lina crossed the room and put a hand on her shoulder, and Amelia couldn’t hold back. She threw her arms around the sorceress and sobbed into her chest. “Amelia…” For a moment Amelia was afraid Lina would hit her, but instead she was hugged back. “It’s okay. Everything’s going to be fine.”

“I can’t even heal him. We don’t know what’s wrong. Maybe Xellos-san knows, but he’s gone, and Zelgadis-san won’t wake up.“ She was well aware that she was becoming hysterical, but she couldn’t help it. “If only—“

“Amelia.” Lina’s voice was uncommonly gentle, and the princess looked up at her, surprised into silence. The sorceress gently touched her forehead, and whispered, “ _Sleeping_.”

Exhaustion overtook Amelia despite her will to stay awake, and everything went dark.

\--

Xellos was aware of his Astral body being prodded first before he recognized who it was. His mistress willed his Astral projection before her as he regained awareness. Even exhausted as he was, he still found her feral beauty stunning, like a panther in the desert.

“You survived,” she purred. “How amusing.”

He frowned, not understanding her private joke. “Zelas-sama?”

“Oh, of course. You have no idea what has happened, do you Xellos?” That confused him further, and she laughed. “You are an endless source of amusement. Here you’ve been fighting this for weeks, and you still manage to do the expected in an unexpected way.” Her eyes glowed.

It took a moment for her words to sink in. “You… expected this, Mistress?”

Her grin was predatory, but it was always like that. “When you defied my order, I suspected.” Xellos blinked at her. “In saving the lovely chimera. It was, after all, the first time you failed to follow my orders. I could have punished you, but this is far more useful.” She leaned forward. “Tell me, Xellos. Do you feel different?”

This alarmed him, and he checked his Astral self. But he had no idea what to look for. Except… was that power? “What is this, Mistress?”’

Now her eyes twinkled, eyes that had always caught his attention for how much they resembled those of mortals, even backed by such terrible power. “Should I tell you? Or should it be a secret?”

Xellos bowed his head, subtly supplicating. “Please, Zelas-sama.”

“You are progressing.” The pause afterwards indicated that this was her answer and Xellos looked up at her warily, questioning. “You are bridging the gap, changing, and it is possible that you will become a Mazoku lord. With Gaav and Phibrizzo gone, I suppose it is possible.”

“I do not understand.”

The Beastmaster stood. “The emotions you have felt since defying me, the ones you refuse to even recognize. Those come with the power we enjoy. With the ability to exercise our will.” She placed a hand on his head. “Though you are the first this has happened to. We Mazoku lords were created, not evolved.”

Xellos was shocked. “But I am your servant,” he protested. “Your priest.”

“For the moment, yes.” She turned her back to him, returning to her throne. “But whatever your chimera sparked within you will change that. I should kill him for the transgression.” Zelas smiled at his alarm. “But I will let you decide his fate. I can be gracious. It matters not; a few scant decades will resolve the matter anyway.” She took a drag from her cigarette in a smooth, elegant motion, and let the smoke out slowly. “If you survive, that is.”

With that, she dismissed him, and he collapsed back into the Astral plane as her power ceased to support his projection. There, he drifted and recovered, trying to make sense of the information she had revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I referenced one of my favorite short stories in here, even if I doubt anyone will catch it. For those wondering, it’s “Passion in the Desert,” by Honore de Balzac. Perhaps it’s somewhat inappropriate to consider Zelas more feline than lupine, but I tend to think of her as incredibly sensual, which to me is a feline trait. But, then, she is Beastmaster, so it hardly manners as long as her traits are quasi-anthropomorphic in nature.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Fourteen_

Lina reclined in the chair next to the bed, allowing herself to doze off even as she kept her senses concentrated on Zelgadis. It had been several hours since she’d had Gourry help her carry Amelia to her room and then threatened him with a sleep spell if he didn’t turn in and rest. He’d made her promise to let him keep watch and rest when he got up, and she’d reluctantly agreed.

Zel hadn’t moved since they’d brought him here. Lina couldn’t even tell if he was sleeping normally or still unconscious; she wasn’t a healer, and Amelia’s hysterics hadn’t really let her ask. She could understand the princess’ reaction. She’d have felt just as guilty if it had been her, and Amelia had a tendency to be far more emotional than Lina. Unless it involved anger, of course.

A gasp from Zelgadis caught her attention and she quickly straightened. The chimera’s face was suddenly lined with pain. “Zel!”

His eyes opened slightly, rolling toward her and slowly focusing. “Lina? What happened?” Zel’s voice was disturbingly weak.

Lina had no idea how to answer that question, because she didn’t know what had happened to him, but she smiled at him reassuringly. “You’re safe, Zel. We brought you to an inn. You’ll be just fine.”

“Amelia?”

“I cast Sleeping on her. She was hysterical.” Zel winced, and she quickly continued. “She’ll be okay. We thought you were a goner, Zel. What the hell did Xellos do?”

The chimera shivered lightly, looking away. “Didn’t let me die. I should be dead.”

“Zel…” Lina didn’t know what to say to that.

“It’s hard to explain. That Ra Tilt… It ripped all the way through. My soul was torn apart, Lina. I don’t know what he did, but I’m alive somehow. It  _hurts_.”

Lina rose. “I’ll have Gourry go to the Apothecary and get some thing to help.”

Zel shook his head. “It’s not my body.” Lina froze, staring at him as she tried to figure out what to do. He smiled weakly. “Apparently whatever the Mazoku have planned, I’m important enough that Xellos tried to repair my soul. You’d think they’d find an easier way.”

“But those wolves… If the Beastmaster has plans for you, why would she attack?”

The chimera’s eyes shut, and his voice grew fainter. “Don’t know. Maybe they weren’t hers. If they were, why would Xellos save me?”

Lina scowled. “Whatever happened, I don’t trust Xellos. Maybe he hasn’t killed us before, and maybe he saved you, but if Beastmaster’s changed her mind you’re in danger. If she ordered him to kill you, he will.”

“At least then it wouldn’t hurt anymore,” Zel murmured.

“Zel! Don’t say shit like that!” He didn’t respond and she realized he’d fallen back to sleep. “Dammit,” Lina whispered. “I’m not going to let you give up, you jerk!”

She leaned back again, fuming silently at Zel’s hopelessness and at her own inability to do anything to help him.

\--

Xellos waited until several hours into Gourry’s watch before returning to the mortal realm. Lina’s conversation with Zelgadis had convinced him that it was better to avoid her for the time being. The blond swordsman, on the other hand, was generally pretty clueless and would hopefully be easier to deal with.

Gourry frowned at him when he shimmered into the room. “Lina said you shouldn’t be here.”

“Oh?” The Mazoku feigned ignorant surprise.

“I think she thinks you’ll kill Zel.”

“Why would I want to do that?”

Gourry glanced at the sleeping chimera and shrugged. “I kind of figure if you meant to you’d have done it already.” He smiled. “Besides, I think you’re just as worried about Zel as we are.”

The blond’s perceptiveness caught Xellos by surprise, and he felt a bit uneasy. “Saa…”

“Sometimes you just pretend not to care.” Gourry rubbed the back of his head. “Anyway, you’re here to help Zel, right?”

Xellos was starting to regret his decision to deal with Gourry rather than Lina. While Lina’s ability to deduce was troublesome at times, in this case Gourry’s tendency to go with his gut instincts was far more dangerous. At least he could count on Lina to over think and miss the obvious. The swordsman had an eerie tendency to strike very close to the truth accidentally, and this time was no different.

In any case, he truly was here to check the damage to Zelgadis’ soul, and it would be ridiculous to change his plans for such a silly reason. So Xellos only nodded, and Gourry vacated the chair near the bed for him, going to lean against the wall near the door.

Zelgadis was sleeping naturally, his aura hazy but streaked with pain. Xellos looked deeper, fixing his gaze on the chimera’s soul. It was still in tatters, only partially healed and kept together only through Xellos’ intervention, which, he hated to admit, was the equivalent of gluing together the pieces of a masterwork sculpture with chewing gum. What he had to figure out now was how to repair it more effectively, something that wasn’t going to be easy.

Unfortunately, Xellos was fairly certain he was the only one they knew who could even attempt it, so he would have to be the one to do it.

He was reaching forward, intending to do a closer inspection of the damage—which would hopefully inspire an idea of how to undo it—when the door slammed open and revealed an infuriated Lina Inverse. She stalked forward and shoved him away from Zelgadis, placing herself protectively in front of the chimera.

“What the hell, Gourry? I told you not to let him in!” She glared at the blond, and her fury was almost intoxicating.

Gourry suddenly looked sheepish, and he bit his lip and tapped his index fingers together nervously. “Well, I mean, he can help Zel, and—”

“We can’t trust him!” she veritably snarled. “I told you that.”

“My, my, Lina-san. And here I thought we were beyond that.” He smiled benignly. “Surely you would like Zelgadis-san’s soul to be repaired?”

She turned her anger toward him. “The Greater Beast is the reason he’s hurt!”

Xellos cocked his head. “Oh? I thought it was Amelia who cast Ra Tilt.”

Lina sprang forward and grabbed his collar, shaking him. “She sent those wolves!”

He was well aware of that, and it had been something he had meant to ask his mistress about but had forgotten. Even so, he had no intention of confirming it. “Now, really, Lina-san, why would I have gone to such lengths to save him if Zelas-sama wanted him dead?”

The sorceress abruptly let him go, her eyes narrowed and suspicious. “I don’t know. But I don’t trust her and I don’t trust you.”

“I’m hurt, Lina-san!” Xellos schooled his features appropriately, even as he allowed his voice to betray his mirth. “I’ve done nothing to earn your distrust.” Lina didn’t respond, only searching his face—as if a Mazoku of his rank would reveal anything so easily! “However, if you’d rather leave Zelgadis-san in pain…”

“Don’t try to manipulate me, Xellos!”

He was tempted to do just that, as he had with Zelgadis when he had begged Xellos to let him die. It would be easy for him to tell her that he could have honored the chimera’s wish. But that was information he didn’t feel comfortable giving to Lina, even to manipulate her.

Xellos sighed, letting the playfulness drop from his attitude. “Lina-san, he is in quite a bit of pain, and spiritual pain is quite damaging.”

She flinched, then turned away and walked to the bed, her brow creased in thought as she gazed at Zelgadis. “And you can help him?”

“I don’t know,” Xellos said, deciding to be honest. “What I did before bought time, but it is a temporary solution at best. Unless his soul is repaired, Zelgadis-san will die, and not pleasantly. A destroyed soul disappears forever. There would be no hope for the afterlife you humans so look forward to.”

“So you’re saying you don’t even know what his chances are?”

The Mazoku shrugged. “If I have the opportunity to study the damage to his soul and discover a solution, I can at least guarantee it is better than what he has otherwise.”

Lina deflated. “So basically, I can decide not to trust you and he’ll definitely die, or I can trust you and be wrong and you might kill him.” Xellos nodded. “Fine. But if you’re screwing with me… I’ll really kill you, Xellos.” The cold determination in her aura left no doubt in his mind that she would at least try.

Gourry, who had very carefully stayed out of it, interjected. “So we’re trusting him?”

The sorceress sighed. “Yeah, Jellyfish Brains. We’re trusting him.”

Xellos let a smile return to his face. “Good. Now, your auras are rather distracting. Besides, I doubt either of you have had a good meal since yesterday!” Lina didn’t move, staring at him suspiciously. He pulled out several coins. “My treat.”

To her credit, Lina glanced once more at Zelgadis before taking the coins from his hand. “I’m going to trust you on this. Don’t make me regret it.”

With that, she pulled Gourry out the door, closing it behind them and leaving the Mazoku to his task.

\--

The feeling of something powerful and cold prodding his agonized spirit woke Zelgadis. He opened his eyes to see purple hair framing a serious face with closed eyes, and in his terrified exhaustion saw a nightmare Rezzo leaning over him. The chimera was far too exhausted to fight back, could only plead, “Please stop.” His voice was barely a whimper, and he was humiliated at his weakness.

Then purple eyes opened, and the presence touching his soul quickly withdrew. “Zelgadis-san?” It was Xellos, not Rezzo, and the Mazoku had actually listened to him.

Zelgadis took a few deep breaths to calm himself before speaking. “What are you doing?” His voice was still weak, but at least he kept it from shaking this time.

Xellos frowned at him. “Your soul is still damaged, and what I did will only hold it together temporarily.” The priest reached forward again.

Zelgadis managed to grab his wrists, though without much strength. “What I’d like to know is why whatever you’re plotting requires me alive. Wouldn’t it be much simpler to find another way?” Xellos didn’t try to break his hold and he plowed on recklessly. “The last thing I need is another person messing with my soul and using me to destroy the world. I got plenty of that from Rezzo. I’d rather my soul be destroyed than that.”

The Mazoku looked shocked and carefully withdrew his hands from Zelgadis’ grasp. “Zelgadis-san,” he said softly after a moment, “my mission does not require that you live. And, as far as I know, it does not involve destroying the world.”

“And I’m supposed to believe that?”

“I may mislead, but I never lie.”

Zelgadis scowled at him. “If it is true, why are you bothering?”

“Because I want to,” the Mazoku said simply.

For nearly a minute Zel could only gape at him in disbelief. “I don’t get you. Here I thought Mazoku were sadists, not masochists.”

Xellos frowned at him. “Zelgadis-san?”

“I know whatever you did hurt you just as much as it hurt me,” the chimera said. “I’m not stupid.”

“I realize that,” Xellos said dryly, and Zelgadis glared.

He chose his next words carefully. “This kind of thing isn’t in your nature.”

At this the priest smiled. “And how much do you know about my nature, Zelgadis-san?”

Very little, Zelgadis admitted to himself. He looked away.

When Xellos reached forward this time, he allowed it, though he cringed as the Mazoku touched his spirit.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Fifteen_

“Gentle” was not simply a concept that did not come easily to Mazoku; it was completely foreign, against their natural inclinations. Mazoku were simply not made to be gentle. Even amongst themselves, violence and chaos were innate. Certainly, the hierarchy was set; one did not challenge above one’s rank—or below, as it showed weakness to do so unless ordered. But within the ranks the instinct to destroy allowed only for a fragile stability caused by the understanding that infighting would ensure their destruction.

No, Xellos was not inclined to being gentle, though he knew what mortals meant by it. His entire Astral body swirled and thrummed with power even when at rest. Taking the form of a cone, it swirled so quickly and was so dense with power that it was almost solid.

He had taken great pains to ensure that his Astral projection appeared gentle so as to deceive the humans he manipulated, but it, too, was a destructive force. Just the power of his unbridled bloodlust was enough to cause ordinary mortals to fall unconscious from fear. The bloodlust was the only thing he was used to repressing; the rest mortals wouldn’t sense anyway.

It, in fact, took a very conscious effort on his part to be gentle with Zelgadis’ soul as he examined it. Xellos’ purpose now was not to force it to stay together or bind it, the kind of violence he had used before. He had to find a way to repair it, something that his swirling power did not easily allow. Thus he actually had to render his own power inert to avoid inadvertently causing harm.

Despite his care, Zelgadis cringed away from him, but there was little else the Mazoku could do. He studied the damage to the chimera’s soul. Tendrils of Astral energy still held the pieces together, but they wouldn’t forever; even now they were fading. The tenuous balance between Zelgadis’ three aspects was crumbling again as well. Xellos’ intervention had not bought much time, and it was clear that if the youth’s soul was not truly repaired he would probably be dead—or at least beyond any help—within the next day.

The problem was that Xellos could only think of one way to repair Zelgadis’ soul: White magic, which he certainly couldn’t use, and which Amelia would not be able to direct in the precise way required. He could direct it, but only at great personal risk. White magic meant death to Mazoku, especially if it touched his Astral body. He would also have to maintain the balance between the chimera’s brow demon, golem, and human thirds; otherwise Zelgadis would become unstable and would not survive anyway.

Xellos pulled back, frowning thoughtfully. He could probably manipulate Astral energy to funnel the White magic where it was needed, but the balance could not be handled in such a clumsy manner. That kind of thing required precise management, something that could not be done with the Astral equivalent of a pair of tongs.

The Greater Beast had left Zelgadis’ fate up to him, but she had truly wanted him dead. Xellos should have wanted what his mistress wanted, but instead found himself hesitant to abandon the chimera, despite the risk to himself. If he hadn’t believed Zelas before, the truth was becoming all too apparent now; she was no longer his master. He was independent. And it seemed that the first true choice of his existence might involve his continued existence.

“Xellos?” The chimera’s worried tone very quickly drew him from his thoughts. Zelgadis looked as though he wanted to continue, but he didn’t.

The Mazoku knew what he was hesitant to ask, and quickly made a decision. “The damage can be repaired,” he told him, and felt Zelgadis’ relief. Xellos decided to keep the details to himself. “It will need to be done quickly, though.”

When he rose, intending to retrieve Amelia, Zelgadis’ burst of fear stayed him momentarily. “Preparations, Zelgadis-san,” he said simply, and teleported from the room.

The princess was asleep, still under the effects of Lina’s sleeping spell, which he quickly dispelled before shaking her awake. Amelia rubbed her eyes and blinked at him before coloring slightly. “Xellos-san!”

“Zelgadis-san needs your help,” he told her simply, then teleported back. He knew it would be enough to bring her running.

His sudden reappearance surprised Zelgadis, but Xellos ignored him. As much as he would like to believe that he was only manipulating Amelia, it wasn’t the whole truth. Xellos could not repair Zelgadis’ soul alone. He had to rely not only on a human, but on Shinzoku power, which was a considerable blow to his pride. It was similar to the incident with Dark Star in that way; in order to destroy Valgaav he had been forced to rely on Lina and on, of all people, Filia. Even then, they had only destroyed the bastard hybrid that Gaav had created, and Xellos’ actions had inadvertently led to the healing and rebirth of Val as a purebred Ancient Dragon.

On the other hand, he had been right about one thing: this was a matter of healing, even if Zelgadis had been right about it also involving the careful balance Rezzo had set up. He had been attempting to manipulate the chimera then, and though he had not lied, Xellos had not expected his suggestion to be the truth. At least that boost to his ego balanced out the blow of relying on Amelia and White magic.

The door opened to reveal Amelia, who immediately rushed to Zelgadis. “Zelgadis-san! Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” The chimera frowned, and glanced at Xellos. “What’s going on?”

The Mazoku shut the door, then pulled a second chair to the bed and sat, gesturing to the other seat. Amelia took the hint. “I was not lying when I told you that you were missing the larger picture, Zelgadis-san. While part of this has to do with the imbalance of your three aspects, it has much more to do with healing now. Unfortunately, White magic is not my forte, and it is necessary to heal your soul.”

Amelia bit her lip. “But, Xellos-san… I’m not strong enough to heal souls.”

“You’re merely unable to direct your magic as necessary. I can do that.”

The princess’ eyes widened. “But you can’t touch White magic! It’s dangerous to you!” Xellos repressed a sigh; she  _would_  realize that, wouldn’t she? “I might not be able to do it, but I’m sure Sylphiel-san can! I’m only a shrine maiden, but she’s a priestess! We can—“

Xellos opened his eyes, and Amelia was startled into silence. “Zelgadis-san will not survive long enough for her to reach him, even if we knew where she was. At this point he has a day, at most.” Amelia gasped, and he continued. “Even a priestess would not be able to maintain the balance between Zelgadis-san’s three aspects. The healing would be pointless without that. I do not have to touch the magic to direct it.”

“Please continue referring to me in the third person. I just love being talked about as if I’m not here.” Xellos turned to find Zelgadis glaring. “Even if you don’t let the White magic touch you, just being so near it will damage you, especially if you’re using your Astral body to maintain the balance again. Even a graze would be fatal.”

“Oh? Are you concerned about me, Zelgadis-san?”

“Yes,” Zelgadis answered bluntly, surprising Xellos. “I don’t know what your motivation is, but I really doubt Beastmaster would risk her only servant on some foolish plan like this. Are you  _trying_  to commit suicide?”

Xellos closed his eyes, rubbing the back of his head modestly. “Iya, I have no intention of dying. I’m hardly careless, Zelgadis-san.”

The chimera frowned at him. “And yet there’s a good possibility of it, careful or not”

The argument was becoming irritating; Xellos hadn’t expected the youth to pick up on or care about the risk to him. The Mazoku changed tracks. “Oh, dear. You would simply pine away without me, wouldn’t you?”

“Fine. Be an idiot,” Zelgadis huffed, looking away. “At least if you heal me I’ll be able to do more than lay here when the Greater Beast comes after me for killing you.”

“My. We’ll try not to give her an excuse, then.”

“Xellos-san…” He turned to find Amelia staring at him with watery eyes. “Please be careful! I don’t want to accidentally hurt you, even if you are a monster!”

Xellos repressed a smile. “Well, then. Let me prepare before we start with the healing.”

He reached forward. Zelgadis’ jaw tightened and Amelia gasped again as his hands appeared to enter the chimera’s chest. In fact, he was reaching through his spirit, never touching his flesh. He gathered Astral energy, around Zelgadis’ soul, then formed a sort of funnel of it that he could use to manipulate the White magic without touching it. The rest of the energy he clamped around the tattered spirit, before carefully breaking the bonds holding the pieces together.

Zelgadis shuddered, crying out softly, and Amelia grabbed his hand. Xellos pulled one of his hands out and caught her attention. He pointed to a spot on the chimera’s chest. “Direct it here. I’ll do the rest.”

She quickly placed her palms over that spot. White magic shot from her hands, and Xellos had to repress a short cry of pain himself. It was worse than he had thought it would be. He forced his attention on the task at hand, forcing the chimera’s aspects into balance and using the funnel of Astral energy as precisely as a welder would use a strip of lead. Where there was a rip in Zelgadis’ soul, he drew the tip of the funnel over it, and where it passed the rip disappeared.

Slowly, the chimera’s soul was becoming whole, but Xellos’ power was being sapped quickly, though he had more power to draw from. It was becoming more difficult to maintain the necessary balance. His concentration wavered for a moment and he only narrowly avoided touching White magic as another tear was healed. He slowed down. Halfway there. Xellos paused, wondering briefly if this would be enough to buy enough time to find Sylphiel, but if it didn’t, he’d have to endure this again, and he really didn’t want to.

He reached the three-fourths mark before he realized that his Astral projection was shaking with effort. The pain of being so close to White magic was becoming almost unbearable, and he drew from the Astral energy clamped around Zelgadis’ soul to strengthen the barrier between it and his Astral body.

When he was almost done, he managed to say, “You can stop now, Amelia-san.” The strained quality of his voice was embarrassing.

The flow of magic stopped, and he capped the end of the funnel to keep what remained from escaping as he finished. Then he quickly withdrew before releasing the remaining White magic.

“Xellos-san!”

Xellos was suddenly aware that both Amelia and Zelgadis were staring at him in something akin to horror, and he looked down to find that parts of his Astral projection were fading.

“Oh, dear,” he murmured, before the last of his energy disappeared and his projection faded completely. Awareness left him.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Sixteen_

“This really isn’t necessary,” Zelgadis groused as he reluctantly lay back down. “I’m perfectly fine.”

“Yeah, and when Xellos gets back here he can confirm that before I kick his ass.”

“But Lina-san, he didn’t disappear like he usually does!” Amelia protested. “He faded partway, while we were still healing Zelgadis-san’s soul!”

The sorceress snorted. “Oh, please! Like a little white magic could kill him! If it could, he wouldn’t have killed most of the dragons off during the War of the Monster’s Fall!”

“It’s not the same thing, Lina. The dragons wouldn’t be able to get near his Astral body because he wouldn’t let them.” The chimera hesitated, a little embarrassed. “But he was keeping my soul together using his Astral body.”

Amelia nodded. “Xellos-san was very close to the White magic. He was shaking after a while. I’m sure he was in pain!”

“Xellos did look pretty bad when he helped Zel after those wolves attacked,” Gourry added.

“Argh!” Lina threw up her hands in frustration. “That’s it! Gourry, take Amelia downstairs and make her eat something so she doesn’t pass out. Zel, I swear if you don’t stay there and rest I’ll cast  _Sleeping_  on you.” Zelgadis opened his mouth to protest, but Lina cut him off. “Don’t argue, buster. I don’t care if Ceiphied himself cast  _Resurrection_  on you. You were at death’s door only a few hours ago, and you’re going to  _rest_!”

The sorceress shoved Gourry and Amelia out the door, and turned to Zelgadis. “I’ll bring food up later. Go to sleep.” The door slammed behind her.

“Easy for you to say,” he grumbled to no one. It hadn’t been  _Resurrection_ , but the pure White magic made him feel almost like he would never need to sleep again. All this did was leave him with nothing to do but think, and that was something he didn’t want to do. He’d managed largely to avoid it since this had started, preoccupied with dying.

Now that he wasn’t “at death’s door” anymore, his mind was making up for lost time.

Zelgadis didn’t have words for what had happened, beyond what he had told Lina. Xellos’ Astral body had kept his soul together, but he had no way to describe what that meant. The only experience he had that could compare was what Rezzo had done, the feeling of the brow demon as it fought and tore at him even as it became a part of him.

That was something he didn’t talk about, and while that was partly because it had been a horrible experience that he still had nightmares of, it was also because even if he knew how to describe it, not even Lina would know what he was talking about. None of them would be able to relate.

Except maybe Xellos.

And at this point it was entirely possible that the bastard had gone and killed himself.

Zelgadis knew that the Mazoku had been at least injured. Just touching his soul had caused Xellos pain, but he had still been gentle, manipulating the chimera’s spirit with surprising tenderness. It had still hurt, of course, but not as much as it had the first time, and certainly not as much as being fused with a brow demon against his will.

Then it hit him suddenly. Xellos had touched his soul with his Astral body, and the only words Zelgadis could think to describe it made him sound like a blushing virgin trying to talk about sex. And that thought  _did_  make him blush.

It was time to take Lina up on that  _Sleeping_  spell.

\--

Xellos slowly regained awareness, and was mildly surprised by it. He honestly had thought, upon seeing his faded Astral body, that he would not survive. That he would, in human terms, die.

But regaining awareness made him aware that he had survived through the intervention of another. It certainly wasn’t Beastmaster; Mazoku were far too stingy with their power for him to expect that. As Gaav had sacrificed Kanzeil and Mazenda in a misguided attempt to kill Lina, and Phibrizzo had his minions in the War of the Monster’s Fall, Zelas would not hesitate to leave him to his fate, especially since Xellos was no longer in her thrall.

This Power was greater and more ancient than even that of Ruby-Eye Shabranigdu. It was a Force he had felt before, but both times before It had been a Power of Destruction. In lesser potency It had destroyed part of Shabranigdu. And that same Power had coursed stronger through Lina Inverse to Unmake Hellmaster. This was so much more, unfettered and uncontained, surrounding him.

When he dared to open his eyes, Xellos found what he saw incomprehensible, everything and nothing simultaneously, an endless simple and yet unfathomably intricate tapestry stretching and stretching into forever and never, the endless Sea of Chaos, molten gold and yet darker than darkness, blacker than night, unknowable, empty of all and yet filled with—

He quickly closed them again, his mind rejecting what he had seen. He could not look upon the Mother of All, and doubted anyone could. Even Lina Inverse, the only known mortal to act as a vessel to She Who Shines Like Gold upon the Sea of Chaos, had burned all memory of Her from her mind, and Xellos now knew it must have been to preserve her sanity. The Golden Lord’s Power shifted, and he could feel Her Amusement, but She did not Speak.

Could not Speak, he realized after a moment, in any way that he could comprehend. She was Chaos, and had no Voice that could be heard by him. Even a creature such as he, born to chaos and destruction, could not grasp the embodiment of it. And had he been able to understand, it was likely that Her Voice would have Destroyed him, or at least driven him mad.

There was much he wished to ask Her, and the inability to communicate was frustrating. She had saved him, and he had no idea why or what She might Desire in return. Had all the Mazoku lords met Her at some point? No; he doubted that. Had they, Phibrizzo would have known better than to have tampered with Her.

The Miasma shifted again, and Xellos felt that She was Pleased with him. He had pleased the Mother of All, and while the idea made him giddy—or perhaps that was an aftereffect of looking upon Her—he didn’t know how. Why She would not want him to merge with the Chaos was beyond him. Whatever he had done had Pleased and Amused Her enough to intervene and prevent his death.

What he had done… Xellos remembered Zelgadis with a jolt, and wondered if he was alive. If he remembered correctly, he had successfully healed the chimera’s soul, but he wasn’t sure if he had managed to balance his three aspects. His memory muddled at the end, and the thought that he had perhaps failed after all was painful.

Her Amusement hit him again, overwhelming him and stopping his thoughts cold. This time there was more than simple Amusement; it was tinged with Pleasure and a kind of wistful Knowledge that he, again, could not comprehend. She Touched him and the agony of Chaos Tore at him, then was gone. L-sama released him, and he fell through the Sea of Chaos and into the Astral plane, where consciousness again left him.

\--

Lina had decreed that none of them were going anywhere until she was sure that Zel was okay. Amelia and Gourry had agreed, but the chimera wasn’t happy with it. She’d cast _Sleeping_  on him that first day, but Lina wasn’t willing to take risks when the cost could be his life.

Still, Zel was getting more and more restless as time went on. They were partway through breakfast several days after Xellos had disappeared, when Zel casually raised his hand and cast  _Lighting_  without warning.

Amelia’s fork dropped from her fingers. “Zelgadis-san!”

Lina glared at him, losing the last piece of toast to Gourry, who nearly dropped it in apparent shock at winning. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Proving that I’m fine,” the chimera replied, maddeningly calm. “I could cast some Spirit Shamanism if you need more proof.”

She decked him, cutting her knuckles on his hair, but he just stared up at her smugly from the floor as the other patrons backed away nervously. “You could’ve killed yourself, you jerk!”

“We’re not accomplishing anything staying here, Lina. I’m sick of being cooped up for no reason.” He picked himself up off the floor. “We might as well continue on to Seyruun.”

“Xellos was going to go there, right? If he’s okay, he’ll go there,” Gourry said.

“I want to be there to protect Seyruun!” Amelia struck a justice pose, then relaxed and grinned. “We could stay at the palace! Daddy would love to have royal guests, and he likes all of you!”

Lina’s merchant fingers twitched. Free lodging and food for the rest of the winter was too much to pass up, especially with how great the palace chefs cooked. And, well, wanderlust only did so much to counter the irritation of trekking around in the snow and dealing with the inconvenience of frequent winter storms. She didn’t do well with interrupted journeys.

If nothing else, they’d be able to enjoy Phil-san’s hospitality, though Lina figured if Xellos wasn’t dead he’d show up there to try to put whatever plan he had for Seyruun in motion. She honestly wasn’t sure whether to hope he was alive or not. He’d been a decent comrade at times, and even if he was a Mazoku he’d kind of grown on her, though she was sure his continued existence didn’t do much good for the world.

Either way she was going to be there to stop him if it came to it.

Lina crossed her arms. “Fine. We’ll go to Seyruun.” The sorceress glared at Zel. “But  _you_  are going to take it easy. Don’t push yourself. If you get sick again, it’ll just hold us up. Plus if we do need to fight Xellos, I want you at one hundred percent!”

The chimera smiled, and Amelia cheered. Gourry, on the other hand, scratched his head. “Why would we need to fight Xellos?”

They started off an hour later, after the swelling went down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something people are probably going to note is there is a lot of information in here from the novels, but events like Lina becoming the vessel of the Lord of Nightmares at the end of Next are in keeping with the anime. Uh, yeah. Let’s go with that explanation.
> 
> I really hope my description of the Lord of Nightmares doesn’t sound completely insane. I see her as something that none can understand. Even Xellos, faced with what is technically his own creator—or his creator’s creator’s creator? Well, anyway, his God—cannot comprehend. I’ll hold off on the philosophical explanation. Also, the capitalizations are entirely on purpose and have a logic behind them, but not one I really feel like explaining. I seriously obsessed over that section, and anything that is capitalized should be, and what isn’t is on purpose as well.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Seventeen_

Despite Lina’s initial misgivings, Zel seemed fine. He’d been able to handle spells easily against bandits and a band of trolls they’d run into. At first she’d set a light pace, but it became clear that he was restless and she figured they all would benefit from getting to Seyruun as soon as possible.

Even with the increase in pace, they were held up by another winter storm, stuck in an abandoned one-room cabin for days. Despite their cloaks hung to create a wall between the genders as they slept, it was still uncomfortable.

“You know, this would be easier if you and Gourry were women,” Lina had finally grumbled.

“Sure, let’s just add being forced to crossdress again to the list of ways I’ve been demeaned lately. I’m not starring in your perverted fantasies, Lina.”

Fortunately, Zel had been standing in front of the door, which had been more easily repaired than, say, a wall.

Lina was never again going anywhere north around winter. They’d fought certain evil and nearly died together, but they couldn’t handle a few days together in a small space. By the time it had become safe to travel again, even Amelia was close to losing her temper, and the group dynamic wasn’t exactly doing too well. Practically the only two people still talking to each other without some measure of malice were Gourry, who Lina still insisted had earned his bloody nose, and Amelia, who had given up even trying to talk to Zelgadis.

The sorceress was somewhat amazed that the chimera’s mood had sunk so low that even Amelia didn’t want to talk to him, but Zel wasn’t exactly talking to anyone anyway. She didn’t know why he was so moody, either. He was going to be okay and could use magic again, so she would have figured he’d be at least a little happy.

But, then, with everything that had happened to him lately she couldn’t really blame him. Lina knew she couldn’t understand what he was feeling. Yeah, Phibrizzo had manipulated her to try to destroy the world, and Armace had certainly really screwed with her. And she’d almost died several  _dozen_  times over the past few years. But it wasn’t like any of her experiences came even close to being imprisoned in a tank and used for experimentation. Lina had never faced that kind of dehumanizing treatment, used as a lab rat, and she hoped she never did.

So aside from blasting him for calling her a pervert, she’d largely let him be. Lina figured it was what he needed; after all, Zel wasn’t exactly the most social of people and he probably wanted to be left alone after everything he’d been through. And, well, she doubted Amelia asking him how he was feeling once an hour had helped, even if her reasons for being concerned were equally understandable.

The snow, when they were finally able to travel again, was up to Zel’s waist, and though the rest of them could walk, for the most part, on top of it, Lina decided it was probably better to just Ray Wing to the next town. They were less than a day from Seyruun by air and once she had food in her it’d been easy to fly the rest of the way.

After a rather disgusting display of affection between Amelia and her father, Lina, Gourry, and Zel were welcomed and graciously shown to rather large guest quarters that were a bit removed from the castle proper but no less posh.

“It’s pretty far from the library,” Zel commented as he dropped his pack on the floor inside the doorway to his room.

Gourry nodded sagely. “Well, they don’t want to risk Lina blowing up the palace. And books burn really easily.”

Only because they were in the company of Prince Philionel and his entourage did Lina manage to hold off from clobbering the blond into next week. The prince didn’t disagree with Gourry, though, which made her steam a bit.

“You’re planning on using the library?” he asked Zel instead. Lina’s attempt to burn holes in his back with her eyes didn’t seem to be working.

Amelia smiled. “Are you going to research for your cure, Zelgadis-san?” Lina frowned, remembering again Zel’s hopeless insistence that there was no cure, that he was done searching.

“Something like that.” The chimera shrugged. “Seyruun’s royal library is extensive. If you don’t mind, I’d like to take advantage of it.”

Phil’s dwarfish features stretched into a grin. “Certainly, Zelgadis-dono! You are welcome to the knowledge Seyruun has gathered. Please feel free to ask the librarians for assistance.”

Zel bowed shortly. “That won’t be necessary. I prefer to research on my own.”

Amelia looked a bit disappointed at this, and Lina knew that the chimera had added the last bit specifically for the princess. She turned her glare on him, wondering what was going on in that rock-filled head of his, but he ignored her.

“Would it be possible for me to use the library right away?” Zel asked.

Phil looked momentarily surprised, but smiled again. “Ah, the youthful quest for knowledge! The librarians do leave at night, but we can make arrangements.” He nodded to one of his entourage and the man broke away from the group. “The library will be unlocked for the night, and I’ll ensure that you have access in the future as well.”

“Thank you.” Zel nodded and walked after the man.

“Zelgadis-san, you haven’t eaten!”

“I’m not hungry.” The chimera didn’t even turn around.

Lina put a hand on Amelia’s shoulder to prevent her from following him, shaking her head. “Let him go. He’s been through a lot.”

“Yeah. He probably just wants to be alone for a while,” Gourry added. “You can always check on him later.”

“Like a lot later.” Amelia deflated, and Lina patted her back awkwardly.

Phil-san frowned. “Amelia?”

The princess looked up at her father with watery eyes, and Lina fought the urge to drop her face into her palm. This was not something that needed to be aired in front of the entire court. “Oh, Daddy, it’s just terrible!”

Lina gestured to her room, wanting to at least preserve a little of their reclusive friend’s privacy. “Let’s talk in private, Phil-san. It’s really Zel’s business, not gossip for the court.”

“Of course, Lina-dono!” The prince swept into Lina’s quarters, then turned to his guards and the courtiers who had followed him. “Please, return to the palace.”

One of the entourage gave Lina a nasty look, and she stuck out her tongue and blew raspberries in reply before closing the door in their faces.

\--

Zelgadis couldn’t explain why he was researching Mazoku and Black magic healing theories. Even his explanation to himself felt strange. He was, in fact, researching in part because Mazoku couldn’t be healed via White magic. Xellos had been injured helping him, and Zelgadis felt responsible. He didn’t know if the bastard was even alive, or if there was such a thing as Black magic healing—the books he’d found really only argued for or against and gave no real examples—but he found himself researching it anyway.

But that explanation was far too embarrassing to share.

So with Lina staring him down, demanding that he answer or face certain death, he didn’t know what to say.

She had come to tell him that he needed to stop holing up in the library. He’d essentially camped out there since they had reached Seyruun a week ago, falling asleep while reading and waking covered by a blanket that he knew Amelia had brought in the night. He was honestly grateful that they had given him some space, and figured that Lina had something to do with it. He joined them briefly for meals, but never stayed.

They knew he needed some alone time after what he’d been through, Lina had said, but they were still worried and wanted—

Then she’d noticed the books, all on Black magic, Black magic healing theory, and Mazoku, and something had changed in her. Her concern had turned cold. And with Lina staring him down, waiting for an answer, he felt frozen.

“Well? Why are you researching this shit? I thought you were looking for your cure, Zel.”

He felt his mouth forming words, finding an excuse, lying. “The answer isn’t in White magic, or Shamanism,” he found himself saying, though he hadn’t exactly finished researching either and could probably spend his whole life researching one and not discover all its secrets. “It could be that Black magic is the key to my cure. After all, Rezzo—”

“You’re turning into him, aren’t you?” she interrupted, her voice hissing through clenched teeth. Lina didn’t explode; he gave her credit for that. But her cold fury and disappointment were almost palpable anyway. “You really will do anything to be cured, just like him with his eyes. How  _could_  you, after what he did to you?”

Zelgadis flinched. That was, in fact, why he’d refused to study Black magic, even though he was sure he was capable of it. And now she thought… He wished he had just told her the truth, as embarrassing as it was. “Lina…”

“I swear to the Mother of All, if you become Rezzo I won’t come after you next time. And if it comes down to it, I’ll choose saving the world again, even if it means killing you.” He looked away, unable to meet her angry, accusing eyes. “I thought you were better than this, Zel.” With that, she whirled, her cloak billowing dramatically behind her, and was gone before he could say anything.

He had the terrible feeling that he’d just lost one of the few friends he had. Zelgadis wondered if she’d even believe the truth now.

\--

Xellos was not alone when he regained awareness. The Beastmaster was watching him, and he sensed that she had kept vigil for some time. While he was grateful for her strange altruism—he could only assume she still felt some sort of attachment, since he was, after all, her creation—it had been unnecessary. Had he been attacked, the Power within him, the Power that L-sama had Bestowed upon him when She Saved him, would have nullified the threat. He wondered if that fact was apparent to others, if they knew, or could guess, what had happened.

His former mistress withdrew as he woke more fully. That was neither surprising nor troubling, though he wondered how he would be expected to contact her in the future. The Lords always did so via their priests and generals, if they had them, or summoned the minions of the Lord they wished to communicate with. Zelas had created only him, and he had no desire to create minions just yet. Xellos wondered if it would be terribly rude of him to request audience in person.

But there were more pressing matters to think about than trivial Mazoku niceties. The Mother of All had Given more than merely Power to him with Her Touch. She had Communicated with him, and the sheer unknowability of that Knowledge made him ache. It would take time to understand Her Words.

They weren’t Words, or even Speech, so much as Ideas. And the Ideas were difficult to grasp; he could only translate them in terms of his own understanding, and even then he had to sort out the various pieces first, and figure out where one Idea ended and another began.

He managed to untangle one, a comparison of the foolhardy Gourry ignoring his survival instincts to race after Lina/L-sama, trying to save her when she was already gone, to… himself, bent over Zelgadis in the snow, desperately keeping the chimera’s mangled soul from dissipating into the Sea of Chaos forever. This had Amused Her, had Pleased Her, and had been the reason She had deigned to Allow several things. She had Allowed Lina’s return because of Gourry’s devotion and love. She had Saved Xellos because his actions had reminded Her of the blond’s in a way that Xellos could not understand.

But more surprising than either of those… She had Allowed Zelgadis’ soul to be mended, Allowed Xellos to save him, when it should not have been possible. The destruction of the partition within the chimera’s soul, the temporary binding, and even the healing had all been Allowed, even Aided, by Her. The Golden Lord had Intervened because Xellos’ actions differed from his nature and that had Amused Her. Without Her, Zelgadis would have died no matter what Xellos had done.

It was a painfully humbling realization.

Xellos set aside the Ideas the Mother of All had Communicated for the moment, deciding instead to check on Zelgadis. L-sama was nothing if not capricious, and there was no telling if the chimera’s aspects had been balanced successfully. The Mazoku stretched his senses, pinpointing Zelgadis’ unique Astral signature. The shaman’s composition stretched into the Astral plane and made him easy for Xellos to track, something that had been useful in his past missions.

He was relieved to discover that the chimera had apparently made it to Seyruun. He let some of his senses enter the mortal realm, and found Zelgadis curled up in an armchair in the royal library, sound asleep with a book in his lap.

The priest let his Astral projection take shape and gently eased the book from Zelgadis’ hands. He frowned thoughtfully as he read the title,  _Healing in the Black Arts_ , then flipped through it, finding himself both amused and concerned. Human understanding of Black magic was limited by their rudimentary comprehension of Mazoku, but Zelgadis should know better. The silly theories of the potential of using Black magic for healing were just those: theories. The very nature of Mazoku allowed for nothing but violence, and thus the spells that called upon the power of the retainers of Shabranigdu and Ruby Eye himself were destructive. It did not allow for the opposite.

What Xellos didn’t understand was why Zelgadis would be researching something like this, unless it was perhaps a long-shot attempt to find a cure. That troubled him. In seeing the chimera’s soul separated and unbalanced, Xellos had begun to doubt that there was any possibility that Zelgadis could return to being merely human. Seeking a cure in Black magic would only guarantee the shaman’s destruction, if that hadn’t already been ensured.

Xellos set the book aside and reached forward, through Zelgadis’ physical form. Before he could examine the chimera’s soul, the youth jerked awake and pushed away so violently that the chair upended.

Zelgadis glared at him from the floor, one arm clasped defensively against his chest. “Have you ever heard of  _asking_?”

The Mazoku grinned. “Why, Zelgadis-san, what would be the fun in getting permission?”

The chimera stood and looked away. “Well, if you’re being this obnoxious, the White magic didn’t hurt you that badly,” Zelgadis said after a long pause.

“Oh, dear. Were you worried about me?”

“We weren’t sure if you’d survived. Now we’ll have to cancel the party.” The chimera’s voice was laced with sarcasm.

Xellos only smiled. “Yare, yare. Trust Lina-san to find any excuse to organize a feast.” He turned serious, and took a step forward. “I do need to check, Zelgadis-san.”

Zelgadis grimaced, and leaned away slightly, his arm again blocking his chest. “I’m fine. Able to use magic and everything.”

“Mm. That tells me nothing about the balance of your aspects.”

“Fine.” The arm dropped, and Xellos reached forward, carefully holding his own Astral body still so as not to cause damage inadvertently.

To his relief, it appeared that he had managed to maintain the balance to the end, and it was in no danger of crumbling. The chimera’s soul seemed whole, but the Mazoku checked anyway, running Astral fingers where there had previously been rends.

A hand suddenly grasped his arm tightly and he looked up to find that Zelgadis was shaking. “Stop,” he hissed. “Let go.”

Zel’s terror hit him suddenly, and Xellos complied, frowning. The chimera’s legs buckled, and he just stayed on the floor with his arms folded tightly across his chest, shaking and breathing heavily.

“Zelgadis-san?” He hadn’t expected this reaction.

“What the  _hell_  did you do?” Zelgadis managed after a moment.

Xellos blinked. “I was checking your soul to make sure it was truly healed.” He squatted in front of the youth. “I certainly wasn’t trying to cause pain, Zelgadis-san.”

The chimera shuddered again. “It wasn’t really pain,” he said finally.

“Then what was it?” he asked, pulling Zelgadis to his feet and uprighting the armchair for him to sit.

Zelgadis was silent for nearly a full minute. “It felt like when Rezzo… changed me into a chimera.” Xellos cocked his head. “I don’t think the brow demon was pleased with what was happening either. And the only thing it could take its anger out on was me, and not on the physical plane.”

Xellos was stunned. “You were  _conscious_?”

The chimera nodded. “He said afterwards that I was more likely to survive the process that way.”

Perhaps Shabranigdu had taken over Rezzo’s mind more completely than they had realized. Xellos didn’t think humans were capable of such cruelty. “That explains quite a bit.”

“Even if it hurts that much to go back, a cure is worth it.”

Xellos’ doubts were now more than simply probable. He had assumed it was simply because he was used to the chimera as he was, and that the aspects were simply too intertwined to be successfully separated. Now it was clear. The feeling he had gotten when looking at the human part of Zelgadis’ soul had been of pieces missing, because the brow demon’s struggles had actually destroyed part of the human’s soul.

“You realize…” The Mazoku stopped, wondering if it was really his place to say.

“What?” Xellos didn’t respond, and Zelgadis eyed him suspiciously. “If you know something about my cure, spill it.” He hesitated, and the sorcerer stood and grabbed him by the collar. “Dammit, Xellos! I have the right to know!”

That was true, and this knowledge wasn’t a secret. And, hopefully, it would keep Zelgadis from killing himself trying to experiment with Black magic healing. Xellos relented. “I know that a cure does not exist.”

Zelgadis released him, backing away. “No. You’re lying.”

“I already told you that I don’t lie, Zelgadis-san.”

“Misleading, then.”

Xellos sighed. “No matter how I phrase it, it’s true. You cannot go back to being human. You will be a chimera for the rest of your life. If anything, what that sorcerer attempted was the closest thing to a cure that can exist. The human you were died when you became a chimera.”

The shaman’s eyes were wide and horrified, staring through Xellos as he tried to process that. His lips moved soundlessly.

The silence was broken by the library door creaking open in the distance, and soft footsteps approaching. Xellos stepped into the shadows and left the mortal realm, grateful for the distraction that allowed him to escape.

Telling him had been a mistake.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Eighteen_

Lina was relieved when Zel told Philionel the morning after she’d yelled at him that he was finished with the library. Her words had gotten through to him, it seemed. And she showed her approval by treating him warmly again. Potential crisis averted.

But it had been several days and the chimera didn’t look very good. He looked exhausted, as though he hadn’t been sleeping, and while he went through the motions during meals, not much left his plate. Lina knew he didn’t need to eat much—he’d been the only one of them with any sort of strength after being lost at sea following the incident with Filia and the expedition ships—but it was getting concerning.

Zel spent more time with them than he had, but didn’t join their conversations. When Phil had requested a game of chess after Amelia had commented on Zel’s logical prowess, the chimera had lost quickly, then apologized and declined another game. He seemed distracted, or even depressed, and since Zel was the type to keep everything bottled up, he wasn’t telling them anything.

He wasn’t even using the library for regular research associated with his cure, when there was a lot he could study involving White magic and shamanism. There was no way he’d looked into everything in those.

Lina hadn’t meant for him to stop searching for a cure entirely, and she hoped he hadn’t taken what she’d said that way. If that was what had happened, if he had felt as though he had to choose between what he’d been questing for all these years and her friendship… Well, she had to clear it up.

So when Zel pushed his plate away after only picking at his dinner, she paused in eating. “Something wrong, Zel?”

He only shrugged in response.

“Zelgadis-san, you haven’t been eating.”

“I’m not very hungry, Amelia.” Zel didn’t look at them.

Lina glared, smacking Gourry’s hand as he tried to steal one of her drumsticks. “Bullshit. You’re making yourself sick. Are you even sleeping at all?”

His only answer was another shrug.

She sighed. “Zel, I didn’t mean you should stop looking for your cure entirely. You haven’t been in the library once since I yelled at you.”

Amelia frowned at her. “Lina-san! Why would you yell at him?”

“He was researching Black magic and Mazoku, Amelia. It was for his own good.”

The chimera still didn’t look at them. “I wasn’t researching it for my cure, Lina. Frankly, I can’t believe you’d think for even a second that I’d turn into Rezzo. Why do you think I don’t use Black magic?” He paused. “Xellos is fine anyway, so there’s no point in researching Black magic healing theory anymore.”

It took a moment for Lina to process what he’d said. “ _That_  was why you were researching it? Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Because it was stupid.”

“Damn right! Black magic is solely destructive, Zel. It can’t be used for healing, even with Mazoku. I could’ve told you that if you’d just  _asked_.”

“And clearly I’m stupid. As I said, there’s no point in researching anymore.”

“Zelgadis-san…” Amelia paused as the chimera glanced at her. “What about researching for your cure?”

There was a long pause before Zel responded. “What’s the point in searching for something that doesn’t exist?”

Lina’s eyes narrowed. “What did I tell you about giving up? Quit being a pessimist! As soon as spring comes, we’re all going to go looking for your cure with you. In the meantime, we can look—”

“I’m not being a pessimist,” Zel interrupted, and she realized he was starting to shake slightly. “There is no cure. What Rezzo did to me damaged my soul too much to ever go back.”

“You can’t trust what Xellos tells you!” Lina started, but Zel shook his head.

“I’ve always known, deep down.” His arms were clasped tightly across his chest, and his face was turned down and away so that his hair hid his expression. “I tried to deny it, but I felt it as it was happening, the brow demon fighting the fusion. Rezzo didn’t exactly care, because he never planned to undo what he did to me. Why bother healing parts of a human soul that were superfluous?”

Lina understood what he was saying, but her mind rejected it. She couldn’t find her voice to speak, and Amelia seemed equally dumbstruck. Gourry looked clueless, but seemed to know better than to ask stupid questions.

Zelgadis’ shoulders trembled slightly and he stood abruptly. “Excuse me.” His voice was tightly controlled, but the urgency with which he left the room conveyed his pain.

Amelia stood as if to go after him, but Lina caught her arm before she could. “I don’t think that’s wise, Amelia. Let him grieve for a while.”

Gourry finally spoke hesitantly. “What’s going on? Why’s Zel upset?”

“I’m not entirely sure.” Lina looked at her plate, having lost her appetite for once despite the mound of delicious food on her plate. “But I intend to beat the answer to that out of Xellos when I find him.”

\--

Zelgadis had wanted to get away from people, lock himself away in his room for a while, but once there he found that he felt unbearably claustrophobic. He was trapped within stone walls just as he was trapped in his awful body; his skin crawled and his body felt overheated. He wasn’t able to bear the feeling for more than a few minutes before he opened the double doors leading to the balcony.

It was snowing fiercely, probably the prelude to yet another winter storm, but Zelgadis didn’t care. The cold air and open sky made him feel less hemmed in. He stood watching the wind blow snow around the empty courtyard for several minutes, before sitting cross-legged and leaning against the iron-wrought barrier to watch the stars.

He was so tired of it all. All those years hoping had been pointless. All the searching, the journeys, had been a waste of time. Zelgadis would always be a monster.

The stars blurred and he wiped at his eyes futilely, trying to calm himself with deep breaths of frigid air. It was useless, and he gave up, letting the tears come and ignoring the way the biting wind made them burn against his stone skin and whipped through his clothing to chill his body. He didn’t feel like fighting them anymore.

The haze of stars slowly grew dimmer, and his eyes fell closed.

\--

By the time Xellos was able to contact his former mistress, it had been several days and he had been “tested” several times by either Dynast or Dolphin, or perhaps both. He rather hoped it hadn’t been Zelas throwing away minions like that; she should know better. Frankly, he was getting tired of incinerating lesser Mazoku. It was  _boring_.

The Beastmaster had agreed to meet with him on Wolf Pack Island. He had agreed for old time’s sake, but he knew it was dangerous ground, and not because it was Zelas’ territory. It was familiar—too familiar—and that could lull him into more than simply a false sense of security. It risked an easy fall back into their former master-servant relationship, and Xellos knew that now more than ever he had to guard his own secrets even from her.

An alliance would benefit both of them, but among Mazoku such alliances were temporary. They were merely an excuse to gather information on each other, to search for weaknesses. As her servant, he had helped Zelas with that countless times, most recently with Phibrizzo. While Hellmaster had not been destroyed by her, Zelas had set many of the events that had led to his demise in motion.

Xellos could not afford to reveal any weaknesses that she might exploit.

The conversation was like an awkward battle-dance, neither of them stepping in time. Over a thousand years of a comfortable, stable association, and suddenly things had changed. She seemed taken aback when he declined her offer of tea. They spoke of nonsense; worthless, uncomfortable chatter. Xellos did not bring up her vigil over him; nor did she.

After several minutes of silence, Zelas finally spoke. “You requested a conference.”

“Why did you send the wolves after Zelgadis-san?”

She didn’t answer for a moment. “Had you obeyed the implied order and let him die, you may have remained mine.” Her smile twisted. “But you were too far gone already. I should have had you destroy them before you became so fond of them.”

“Zelas-sama…”

The Beastmaster shook her head. “Just  _Zelas_. There is no need for honorifics. We are equals now.” She smiled at him again. “You were such a good servant, Xellos. I will miss that.”

He bowed slightly.

“Now, certainly you didn’t come all this way to ask such a silly question.” Her face was serious now.

“No.” He let his own smile slip away. “There have been some rather irritating swarms of minor Mazoku around. Such a nuisance.”

Zelas’ expression went feral. “Dynast or Dolphin?”

Xellos shrugged. “Or both.”

His former mistress leaned back. Her ivory cigarette holder appeared in her hand, and she took a slow drag. “So, then. How shall we handle this?”

“Watch and wait seems the best option.” Xellos smiled. “After all, they’re likely to resolve the issue themselves. These alliances never do go well, if it is that.”

The familiar threat driving them together made the conversation more comfortable, but he remained guarded. Xellos did not tell her of the Mother of All’s Intervention. That information was his secret to keep for Her. But even with the lack of substance, it was almost like old times. Yes, Xellos would miss this as well. It had been fun.

Afterwards, he floated in the chaos of the Astral plane, again sifting through L-sama’s Ideas, untangling the mess into bits that might be more comprehensible. The one he focused on now involved Lina; he could see the fiery hair in the Vision. As he unwove it, he was surprised to find that it also dealt with him.

He frowned as the Thoughts washed over him, only partially understandable and only then when he applied Mazoku hierarchy to them. The Mother of All had Chosen Lina, upon the successful summoning, to be the equivalent of Her General. It was not something that was survived, but Gourry’s actions had convinced Her to leave Her General in the mortal realm. Lina was the vessel through which the Lord of Nightmares could Work, a conduit for Her Power on this world, Her Fist.

And She had Chosen Xellos to be Her Priest. His role as a spy had not changed, but She wished to Watch the goings-on of this world more closely, for reasons he could not decipher. He was Her Eye, but he knew not what to observe for Her.

He somehow doubted it would go well, but this was, perhaps, something he needed to discuss with Lina.

Xellos stretched his body across the Astral plane toward the mortal realm, toward Seyruun, and popped into existence over the wing of the palace where the royal guests were staying. A bit of light poured from an open doorway into the courtyard. It was the balcony off Zelgadis’ quarters, and Xellos froze as he saw a blue and beige bundle, half-covered by snow, lying still against the iron barrier.

He would have liked to say it was concern that moved him, but it was fear. Something he shouldn’t be feeling, replaced by another, relief, when he saw the light mist of the chimera’s breath.

Zelgadis had been out there for a while; several inches of snow had built up against his side where the wind had blown it. Ice and snow caked his pale face. He wasn’t shivering, and Xellos now knew that this was not a good sign. This time, at least, he could use magic to help him.

He lifted the sorcerer from the snow, moving him quickly into the room and out of the blizzard. The Mazoku closed the balcony doors behind them and started a blazing fire in the fireplace with barely a thought. And as he evaporated the frozen moisture from the chimera’s clothing and body, and saw the shimmer of salt left on his face, Xellos understood.

This was, in part, his fault.

“Fool. You little fool.”

He wasn’t sure if he was talking to Zelgadis or himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea of the difference between the duties of a General and a Priest is basically from Raltaak and Rashatt, Gaav’s Priest and General, respectively. Those of you who have read the novels can probably figure it out from there, but I’m not spoiling!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Nineteen_

There really wasn’t any excuse for his behavior. Xellos had become inordinately fond of Zelgadis, and it seemed to be clouding his judgment. The Mazoku should have been discussing important issues with Lina Inverse, but instead found himself waiting illogically for the chimera to awake. It was ridiculous. It was clear that the sorcerer would recover without an issue and Zelgadis would hardly be happy to see him, even if Xellos had saved his life again—perhaps this time against his wishes.

Xellos was a fool. He knew it, but he still found it impossible to leave, as irrational as it was.

At this point it was a waste of time to be irritated about it. Clearly he was going to be foolish, and there was really no point in fighting it even if it mystified him.

He tried to unravel more of the Thoughts that L-sama had Impressed upon him, but found himself distracted, warming the blankets magically as Zelgadis began to shiver and tucking them more snugly around him.

Instead he found himself drawn back to the first Thought he had deciphered, trying to understand Her comparison of him to Gourry. He was hardly mindlessly devoted to Zelgadis as Gourry was to Lina. But even so, he was troubled. He had gone against his orders, his nature, to rescue the chimera. He  _had_  gone against his nature binding his soul when he should have welcomed the destruction. And he had nearly destroyed himself healing Zelgadis, ensuring that he would continue to live. His own actions made little sense even to him. Xellos could not justify them.

He had, in the beginning, pitied the chimera. He was a bastardized hybrid, tolerated by the Mazoku only because a lowly Brow demon had been used and the result was hardly a threat. Zelgadis’ unique composition had made him powerful, as far as mortals went, but his hatred of something as insignificant as his appearance had seemed somewhat pathetic.

Somewhere along the line, the pity had changed. Xellos couldn’t pinpoint what had happened, and only knew that it was the result of becoming too entangled in the lives of mortals. These particular mortals were quite useful, but he had spent far too much time around them unnecessarily. He had seen first-hand the troubles the chimera had faced because of his appearance, how Zelgadis was viewed with suspicion or outright hostility—from the very people his actions had often saved, no less.

The change had been so gradual Xellos hadn’t noticed it, but clearly the last straw had been seeing Zelgadis in that tank. The chimera’s hatred for his body, his desire to become human again, had suddenly and irrevocably become understandable. And Xellos had found himself, for the first time in his existence, creating a loophole and effectively disobeying Beastmaster’s orders to save him.

While his first reaction was to deny any sort of parallel between his actions with Zelgadis and Gourry’s with Lina… he couldn’t. Not only was the denial unsubstantiated, but who was he to say the Mother of All was wrong? He had been able to reject Zelas’ insinuation; while she was often right, she was hardly infallible. But he could hardly dismiss the Wisdom of the Creator of the Universe. It would be blasphemous to do so, even to him.

Xellos sighed. He supposed it could have been worse. At least it wasn’t a dragon; unlike Gaav, he still retained  _some_  good judgment.

L-sama certainly had an interesting sense of humor.

Zelgadis stirred, opening his eyes and focusing on Xellos. The chimera stared at him for a moment, then deliberately turned his head away before closing his eyes and falling back to sleep.

Xellos watched him sleep for a few minutes, stung, then left the room to track Lina down.

\--

Lina had pulled a Zel and fallen asleep in the library. He may have given up, but she wasn’t about to. Shortly after the chimera had left the dining hall, she had asked Phil if she could use the library. At first she hadn’t found anything except books that Zel had already looked at during previous visits; he was organized enough to put a small strip of paper with his initials inside the front covers of the books he’d looked at. Occasionally after his initials there were small notes, and none of them were promising—things like “N/A” or “useless” or “unsound theories.”

It had taken several hours for her to find even a few books that didn’t have papers in them. The first one had been mind-numbing bullshit, not even qualifying in her mind as magical theory, and she’d fallen asleep reading the second one.

The sorceress was nudged awake by a feeling that took her a moment to place, and then only confused her further. There was no way She would Manifest here. Lina understood enough to know that the Lord of Nightmares Manifesting in Her True Form would result in the destruction of the world. That and there was no one around, at least visible.

Her muddled, sleepy brain made a connection that made her sit up straight. Zel had mentioned that Xellos was back. Or implied it, anyway. It would figure, wouldn’t it?

“So, the Creator saves the destroyer, huh? That’s some irony,” she drawled.

Xellos appeared in front of her, looking a bit bemused, and she managed to stifle a laugh only because she was pissed at him.

“You really upset Zel. He’s  _given up_  on his cure, after everything. I don’t think he’s sleeping, and I know he hasn’t been eating. What the hell did you say to him?”

The Mazoku frowned. “I only told him the truth, Lina-san. He  _did_  ask.”

”And you’re not lying?” It was a long-shot, but the sorceress was hoping that maybe…

Xellos made a dismissive noise. “I don’t lie. The truth makes life far more interesting.”

“You told us that crazy story when you first met us. That was a lie.”

He only smiled. “I also made it clear that I was lying. It wouldn’t have been any fun otherwise.”

Lina set aside the book in her lap and sighed. “Dammit, Xellos! All the times you tell us stuff is a secret to get out of telling us, and you couldn’t just tell him that?”

“It wasn’t a secret.”

She stood, staring at him. “It wasn’t a secret…” Lina wanted to hurt him, but knew she couldn’t without destroying Seyruun. “You wanted to hurt him, didn’t you?” She could have sworn she saw him flinch, but she wrote it off as a trick of the light. “You were just waiting until he was vulnerable, when telling him would do the most damage, so you could get the most out of it!”

“Lina-san—”

Lina cut him off. “I knew I should’ve kept you away from him. Sure, you didn’t kill him. But you took away his hope. That’s just as—”

He moved, and she found herself shoved against a wall with his gloved hand covering her mouth to prevent her from chanting spells. He was no longer smiling. His eyes were open, and she froze in shock. They weren’t the demon eyes she was accustomed to seeing on occasion. They looked  _human_ , and she instinctively knew it was a reason to be afraid.

“Yare yare, Lina-san. What would be the point in saving his life only to do something that would make him more inclined to commit suicide?”

His tone was ominous and when he paused meaningfully she struggled to get loose. She should have checked on Zel. If he was—

“As it is, he may have a cold from being outside for so long.” Lina stopped, searching his face. “Yes, he’s alive. It may have been unintentional, but he was half-buried in snow on the balcony when I found him.” The Mazoku released her and stepped back.

“But he’s okay?” she asked, shivering lightly just from the thought of being outside in that blizzard.

“Asleep, but he should be.”

They stood there in silence for a while, Lina sagging in relief against the wall. “Why, Xellos?” He cocked his head. “Why did you tell him? No, scratch that. Why did you save him? It’s pretty obvious that if L-sama intervened it did more than just hurt you. Why?”

His smile returned, this one befitting the mysterious priest he had originally introduced himself as. “My motivations are my own.”

She processed that for a moment. Lina knew that whatever that meant, it wasn’t simple. Xellos never made things simple. It may have been for fun, or because Beastmaster…

His words clicked.

“That’s not possible.”

“Clearly it is.”

“No. No. There are five retainers to Shabranigdu, and—”

Now Xellos grinned. “Oh? You must have miscounted. I only count three. I seem to recall that one was killed and the other was Unmade.”

Oh, right. And she’d technically been responsible for both, not to mention a shard of Shabranigdu himself. Her mind had started chanting,  _Not good! Not good!_  Lina stood up straight. “So, what? You’re here for revenge?”

Xellos laughed. “Oh my, no, Lina-san! I don’t care about that, and I doubt the Mother of All would take kindly to me killing Her General.”

His words took a moment to register, and then she did the only logical thing she could think of.

She fainted.

\--

Zelgadis didn’t want to wake up. He’d already woken up once to find Xellos watching him, and he had no doubt that the bastard would be around when he woke up again. Why the priest couldn’t just leave him alone was beyond him.

It wasn’t possible; he was already awake, his mind not allowing him to sink back into sleep. But he kept his eyes closed and breathing natural, pretending for just a little while longer.

He knew what had happened; the cold made it obvious. He had been careless, and had fallen asleep on the balcony. The chimera should have known that his exhaustion would catch up to him when he was vulnerable, but he had been too distracted to take precautions. And given that Lina had jumped to the worst assumption when he’d been researching, he had no doubt she’d also assume the worst here. She’d be wrong. Despite everything, he wasn’t suicidal; Xellos hadn’t pushed him quite that far yet.

But, yet again, Xellos had helped him, though Zelgadis was certain it was only so he’d have his own personal emotional buffet. Maybe that was why the damned Mazoku had been doing this; he’d been turning Zelgadis into a pet of sorts, breaking him in to be as useful as possible.

The chimera should have been angry, but he no longer knew how he felt. Everything was so jumbled and confused that he couldn’t figure out his own emotions. As he’d felt lost for the past few years in his alien body, he now felt lost in his own mind.

“Zelgadis-san?”

Zelgadis ignored the priest.

“I know you’re awake, Zelgadis-san.”

Go figure. “Good for you. Leave already.” He kept his eyes closed, stubborn.

Xellos was quiet for a moment. “And what will you do when I leave?”

The chimera ran through several possible responses, including ‘Celebrate,’ ‘Sleep,’ and a sarcastic ‘Go back outside,’ before settling on, “Visit the kitchen.” He was hungry, which was no surprise given that he hadn’t felt much like eating the past several days.

He heard the rustle of cloth before Xellos’ gloved hand brushed against his forehead, and he finally opened his eyes and shoved the hand away. “Leave me alone, you sadistic bastard! Haven’t you done enough already?”

The Mazoku frowned at him. “I apologize, Zelgadis-san. Had I known—”

“I wasn’t trying to kill myself, you idiot,” he interrupted. “I just fell asleep.” Xellos looked uncertain, and Zelgadis glared. “I  _wasn’t_.”

“I should not have told you.”

It was clear that the priest still didn’t believe him. Zelgadis looked away, tired of arguing. “I already knew, deep down. I just didn’t want to accept it.” There was a moment of silence, and it made the chimera uncomfortable. “I just don’t know what to do now. It was all I had.”

“I understand.”

Zel frowned, then glared at him. “How could you  _possibly_ …” He trailed off, too startled to continue, as he looked at Xellos.

Xellos’ eyes were open. And while still that purple, their demonic qualities had faded somehow. The chimera had always been reminded of the ruthless, dead eyes of a shark when he saw Xellos’ eyes. But now they looked human.

The chimera could only gape for nearly a minute. “What the hell…?”

The Mazoku—or whatever he was now—smiled, but the expression had a wistful quality. “Things have changed for me as well, Zelgadis-san. They are much less simple now.”

Zelgadis didn’t know how to interpret that. The last time he had seen Xellos’ eyes, shortly before the priest had worked with Amelia to heal his soul, they had been as gelid as they always had been. Before the priest had faded into nothing before their eyes.

Except that Xellos was clearly not dead. And it was clear from the other night that he was still Mazoku.

His first inclination was to question whether it was actually Xellos, but as far as he knew no Mazoku would be suicidal enough to masquerade as the Beastmaster’s priest.

“What happened?” Zelgadis finally asked.

The Mazoku ignored the question. “Zelas is rather angry with you. She dislikes losing servants.”

Zelgadis frowned, considering that. He hadn’t referred to Beastmaster with the respect he usually gave her. “You’re not her priest anymore? But why?”

“I disobeyed.”

“When you didn’t kill me, I know. What does that matter?”

“It is not supposed to be possible. My will is—or should have been—my master’s.” Xellos smiled. “When she sent her wolves, I should not have intervened.”

“Then why did you?”

“I wonder…”

Zelgadis sat up, irritated. “Just tell me it’s a secret and get it over with.”

Xellos looked briefly surprised, then amused. “This is hardly a secret from  _you_ , Zelgadis-san.”

The Mazoku was suddenly leaning too close for comfort, and Zel didn’t have time to move before Xellos kissed him.

The chimera froze, too startled to react in any way, staring into Xellos’ amused eyes. The kiss was chaste, just a light pressure against his lips.

After a few seconds Xellos pulled back, his eyes closing and his face stretching into a too-familiar grin. “That explains quite a bit, doesn’t it Zelgadis-san?”

Then he disappeared.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Twenty_

Lina woke confused and more than a little disoriented. It was still dark, and she seemed to recall talking to Xellos, but she was still in the chair where she’d been reading. Maybe it had been a dream. Except that the book in her hands was  _upside-down_.

The conversation came back to her. Ah, yes. Xellos was no longer a servant of Beastmaster, and had implied that he was actually a Mazoku Lord. And then, her last memory…

_…I doubt the Mother of All would take kindly to me killing Her General._

Oh, this was not good at all. Whatever was going on, Lina wanted no part of it. But as usual it was looking like her desires weren’t going to be considered. Xellos seemed to think that she was actually L-sama’s general, which probably meant that the Mazoku were going to mess with her again. Though if Xellos knew what had happened to Phibrizzo… Lina just didn’t know anymore.

Lina stood, letting the book fall to the floor without noticing. Zel. Her first priority was making sure Zel was okay. She couldn’t do anything about the other stuff, but she could beat the crap out of the chimera for pulling something so stupid and nearly getting himself killed for the umpteenth time recently.

Zel wasn’t in his room. She made sure to check the balcony in case he had decided to revisit his stupidity, but he wasn’t there either. And he hadn’t left, because his traveling gear was in his room. Thank L-sama for small favors. The problem was that there simply weren’t many places the chimera might be. She’d just been in the library, and she hadn’t seen him there. She checked the armory in case he was goofing off down there, but no dice. Wandering down random corridors wasn’t very helpful either.

Finally Lina decided to take a break and get some food to stop her stomach from gnawing away her spine. And, of course, the kitchen was exactly where she found him.

“Finally decided to stop starving yourself, huh?” He looked up at her, startled. “Almost dying a wake-up call?”

Zel looked away. “You talked to Xellos, I take it. It wasn’t intentional, even if he seems to think it was.”

She sat down across from him and snagged a baked sweet potato from his plate to munch on. She honestly wasn’t sure whether to believe him, but she’d give him the benefit of the doubt. At least, she figured, he was finally eating. “So what happened?”

The chimera didn’t answer for a moment. Lina was ready to physically convince him that it wasn’t optional when he finally spoke. “I felt trapped and went out for fresh air. I didn’t realize how exhausted I was. I’m not suicidal, Lina.” Zel pushed some food around his plate. “I… Part of me always knew I’d never be human again. But I still had hope, that maybe there was a way. Now I don’t.”

“Zel, there still might be—”

“Don’t.” He still wouldn’t look at her. “It’ll be worse if I delude myself. I just have to accept it, that I’ll always be a monster.”

Lina barely restrained herself from hitting him. “You’re  _not_  a monster!”

“Pitchfork-wielding villagers seem to think I am. They tend to have the final say.”

Now she did hit him, and stood over him glaring. “I’ll Dragon Slave their asses if they do! Who cares what you look like?”

Zel was silent for a moment, then finally looked at her. “Lina, even you thought I was a monster at first. So did Amelia. People are always going to have that reaction, and not many are willing to look past what I look like. There’s no chance of me ever leading a normal life.”

Lina looked away, feeling a bit ashamed, as Zel got up. She  _had_  thought of him as a monster at first, and not just because he had kidnapped her and was running with a gang of beast-people at the time. She had judged him based on his appearance. “You have us, Zel. We’re not going to leave you behind. We may not live normal lives, but you’re part of them.”

“I know.”

She patted his shoulder awkwardly. “Things are going to be okay, Zel.”

The chimera sighed. “Maybe eventually, but not right now.”

“Dammit, Zel—”

He cut her off. “What do you want me to do? Pretend I’m just fine when I’m not? Plaster a fake smile on like Xellos? I’m not like that, Lina. I need some time.”

Lina deflated. “Just… We’re here for you. You know that.”

“Kind of hard to forget. You’re loud.”

She nearly broke her hand on his face.

\--

Xellos was starting to question his sanity, as questionable as its existence already was. He had, again, given Lina far too much information. And then he had kissed Zelgadis, which certainly wasn’t the wisest course of action. It was, in fact, probably one of the most foolish, but there was no taking it back now.

He lounged against a cloud, lazily watching the earth below as snow fell from behind him. There had to be something for him to do aside from think about his own foolishness. He could, perhaps, go harass some dragons, though that could have the unsavory side effect of starting another war—something that, he hated to admit, the Mazoku could hardly afford at this point. Filia was, of course, fair game since she had gone loner, but he could think of far less irritating ways to find entertainment.

The Mazoku was considering what other forms of mayhem he might wreak when he sensed and narrowly dodged an energy blast, summersaulting off the cloud as though it had a solid surface. He turned to face his attacker, only to be taken aback as he recognized her.

This Mazoku was not one of Dolphin or Dynast’s, but instead was a minion of the Beastmaster. While he wouldn’t necessarily put it past Zelas to get rid of him before he became an opponent, he doubted she would use such a direct method or one of her best remaining spies. It was simply wasteful to send someone as unfit for combat as Nyx.

Nyx was a river of black, streaking across the bright sky. There were simply no shadows to blend into here. She was unsuited for combat, and an assassination attempt would best be done in a setting where she could blend in. Zelas would have known better than to send even Nyx’s combat twin, Xiuh, after him here.

This did not make sense.

“Yare yare. Your brother would be better suited for this battle.”

She did not respond, instead attacking him awkwardly. Xellos frowned as he dodged; Nyx was anything but clumsy. Instead of following him here, she would have bided her time, waiting for him to be in a place where he could be ambushed, then attacked him with subtlety and poise. Instead of moving with fluid grace, her body moved like that of a marionette, in short jerks.

Xellos decided that it would be best to capture her and take her to Zelas. If this was one of the Beastmaster’s orders, he would be surprised. Whatever was causing this was not natural, and if Dolphin and Dynast had somehow manipulated one of her minions, the situation could be more dire than they had thought.

He surrounded Nyx with Astral energy, forming it into a net and moving swiftly down her serpentine body to trap her. She hissed with pain, flailing ineffectively as he wove the ends of the Astral net together.

But before he could take her to the Astral plane, to Wolf Pack Island to confer with Zelas, Nyx exploded, eaten away somehow from within by White magic. Xellos was barely able to shield himself from its remnants.

Something was very wrong.

\--

Zelgadis found that he wasn’t surprised by Lina’s account of her conversation with Xellos. Amelia and Gourry had joined them in the kitchen as dawn broke. That was apparently been what Lina had been waiting for. Their reactions were, of course, predictable.

“Xellos-san has become a true enemy of Justice!”

It wasn’t anything different from what Amelia had said on a regular basis about the Mazoku, and it was all Zelgadis could do not to roll his eyes. He somehow doubted that Xellos was any more of a threat than he ever had been.

Gourry scratched his cheek, his brow furrowed in thought for a few seconds. “Ano, Lina, what’s the difference? I mean, he was Mazoku before, right?”

“He’s higher ranking now, Jellyfish Brains. He’s independent, meaning he can cause all sorts of new trouble,” Lina continued after Gourry retrieved some ice for his head. The sorceress looked at Zelgadis. “You don’t seem too surprised.”

The chimera sighed. “It makes sense. He mentioned he was no longer Beastmaster’s priest, but didn’t really go into detail about it. She’s apparently pretty pissed at me, by the way. It seems that I’ve been blamed for whatever’s going on. I’d say I’m a little more worried about that than Xellos. I doubt he really knows what to do with himself.”

Zel had lied, he realized. He was, in fact, more worried about Xellos’ intentions than the Beastmaster’s wrath, but there was no way in hell he was telling them about what Xellos had done. He couldn’t quite figure out what the damned Mazoku meant by it, anyway. It hadn’t explained a damn thing about what was going on and why Xellos had helped him. The bastard insisted on  _kissing_  him to avoid giving him a real answer.

Zelgadis would have rather been told it was a secret.

Lina frowned and studied him, and he just stared back at her, giving her nothing. He had the right to his own secrets, and knew well enough that she was keeping her own. She didn’t pursue it. “We’ll be on guard, then, in case she does come after you. She’ll have to get through me.”

Zel wondered who would guard him from whatever Xellos had planned for him.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Twenty One_

Lina wasn’t quite sure what had woken her, but she woke up hungry. She had discussed strategy with Zel before going to bed. Neither of them trusted Xellos. Even though the chimera was sure it’d be a little while before the Mazoku got his bearings enough to be a threat, neither of them were interested in taking chances.

Fortunately for them, Seyruun had one of the best libraries left after Sairaag’s destruction. They had decided to start researching today after a good night’s sleep and a hearty breakfast. There had to be some way to subdue or—in the worst case scenario—destroy Xellos.

She had a research plan already, too. Lina figured that maybe they could frankenstein some sort of item together from Shazaard Lugandi’s research that might help them. Or, in that worst case scenario, some sort of White magic that would destroy a high-level Mazoku from Luo Glaon’s work. Or maybe they could find something from Rei Magnus to help them. That was, at least, where she intended to start, and from there she’d branch out until they’d found several possibilities.

She hadn’t told Zel about Xellos’ belief that she was L-sama’s general, and didn’t intend to until she knew what was going on. That was another thing she wanted to research, however unlikely it was that she would find anything.

Lina had dressed and was headed down to the kitchen when the entire palace shook violently, surprising her and throwing her to the floor. She had regained her feet and started running toward what she thought might be the source when there was a muffled but powerful explosion that shook the palace so hard that tapestries fell from the walls. A suit of armor serving as décor fell in front of her.

The explosion had come from the direction of the Armory, where, Amelia had told her, Phil was keeping a store of gunpowder that Seyruun had acquired via trading with the lands beyond the Mazoku barrier. It must have gone off.

She was considering leaving it to the castle guard when she remembered that Gourry often liked to train down there in the mornings. Then she took off running.

\--

Zelgadis had only needed a few hours of sleep, and daybreak found him already in the library searching through old books on the War of the Monster’s Fall for ideas. After all, the Mazoku had technically lost, so maybe there was some detail they could use.

Unfortunately, a lot of the books he’d found were basically bardic lore, horribly exaggerated. He’d already read through three of those and found nothing of use, marking them as such with a slip of paper in the covers.

The chimera was shelving the third useless book when a shadow moved and he suddenly found his arms pinned at his sides. He struggled uselessly for a moment as he was suddenly pulled from the library, the creature—Mazoku, he realized—crashing through a window and flying up into the morning sky.

There had been no fight, no attempt to kill him. Zelgadis was being captured, and he had no intention of going at all, let alone quietly. He quickly cast  _Ra Tilt_ , bringing his hands together with some difficulty to release the blue flames.

His attack grazed the Mazoku, which let out a shrill scream, and he suddenly found himself in free-fall. He cast  _Raywing_ , bringing himself quickly down and away from the Mazoku, but he wasn’t fast enough. The creature was after him with an angry roar, overtaking him easily. But it seemed he had at least injured it, because it slammed into him, sending them both careening through the three foot thick stone armory wall.

Zelgadis lost consciousness momentarily, but forced himself to his feet. He had taken damage, and a lot of it, all down his right side. He couldn’t even move his right arm, and it hung uselessly. Blood dripped from a head wound, and his eye wouldn’t open. But he could stand, and he was going to fight.

All he could see was darkness, and he quickly cast a  _Lighting_  spell to find that it was his proximity to his attacker, a dark, serpentine mass, that was the cause. Before he could cast another spell, the Mazoku hit him, sending him careening through another wall, and Zelgadis found, to his relief, that the interior walls were not that thick even if they were stone.

Still, being thrown through a stone wall was none too fun, even with stone skin to protect him.

He chanted the incantation to  _Ra Tilt_  as he struggled to his feet, only to remember that he couldn’t bring up his right arm to cast it. The sorcerer started to cast Recovery on his arm, only to be hit again from behind. Zelgadis cast the first spell he could remember that only required the use of one arm:  _Burst Flare_.

The Mazoku disappeared, and Zelgadis saw too late what had been behind it. Kegs of gunpowder, somewhere between ten and twenty, and his spell was headed right for them. He whirled and ran.

He didn’t hear the explosion; instead he felt it. The concussion lifted him up and slammed him through several walls before he finally hit one that wouldn’t give and fell to the floor, his body twisted but whole. He knew he needed to move, to get away before the Mazoku found him, but he couldn’t move at all. The chimera clung to consciousness long enough to see the ceiling begin to cave in, and then pain whisked his awareness from him.

\--

The Beastmaster had been less than pleased with the loss of Nyx, but had agreed that something strange was going on. Worse than that, she had admitted that Xiuh was also missing, the twins having been sent together for reconnaissance against several of the chimera-creating sorcerer’s known associates as a precautionary measure. Nyx was to spy, and Xiuh was to destroy if it became necessary.

And so Xellos found himself near Atlass in the empire of Lyzeille in a recently-abandoned laboratory that fairly reeked of a foul combination of Astral and White magic. The magical mixture set the Mazoku’s nerves on edge. It took a moment to realize why, but it was the same blend of magic he had felt when Nyx had exploded. He had certainly found the right place.

Digging around didn’t produce much of interest. There was no map or discarded note. No glaringly obvious clues, which at least indicated that this particular sorcerer was no fool. There were things left behind, but they were nothing of value. Raw material for spells, various odds and ends.

But then, on a shelf next to a tiny chimera preserved in jar, was a small stone that caught Xellos’ eye. It was deep blue, smooth on one side but jagged and weathered on the other. When he picked it up, he realized why it had attracted him, recognizing the magical energy that still remained within it.

It was a stone from Zelgadis’ skin.

Xellos closed his fist over it and disappeared.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Twenty Two_

Gourry hadn’t been in the Armory. They ran into each other in the corridor outside the kitchen as she ran toward the Armory. Lina pounced on him and started crying in relief before she regained decorum and walloped him. How dare he make her worry like that?

“That sounded like it came from the Armory,” Gourry said, rubbing his head where Lina had socked him. “Good thing I was eating breakfast, huh?”

Lina restrained herself from hitting him again, this time for having breakfast without her. “I think the gunpowder in there must’ve gone off.”

Amelia came running around the corner, her top on backwards. She’d clearly been woken up by the blast. “Lina-san! Gourry-san! You’re all right!” She frowned. “Where’s Zelgadis-san?”

“Zel’s probably in the library.” People had started streaming through the hall, mostly guards, and Lina figured they should get out of the way. “We can meet up with him there.”

Amelia nodded. “He can help us with the rescue!”

Lina wanted to protest. She really did. But they  _were_  staying at the palace for free, and the puppy-dog eyes Amelia was giving her were just too much. Well, damn.

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go get him.”

But when they reached the library, Zel wasn’t there. Instead they found a smashed window near a dropped book of legend. It had one of Zel’s notes in the front cover. Lina stared at the window in silence for a moment, frowning. There wasn’t much glass on the floor, so whatever had smashed it had been going  _out_.

“Daddy!”

Philionel swept toward them, surrounded by guards. “Amelia, Lina-dono, Gourry-dono…” He looked grave, and Lina immediately realized.

“Zel’s in the Armory, isn’t he?”

Amelia gasped as her father nodded. “The guards saw him smash through the Armory wall.”

Lina grabbed Gourry and cast  _Levitation_ , then flew out the window toward the remains of the Armory.

They had to find Zel.

\--

Xellos knew he was too late when he saw the smoke and the ruins of the Armory. The sorcerer had already made his move. At least with this much damage, a large portion of the structure essentially gutted, it was likely that Lina had staved off the attack. Even though Zelgadis was quite powerful, Xellos doubted he would be able to defend himself from Xiuh on his own. He found her levitating a section of ceiling off a hapless soldier.

“Ah, there you are, Lina-san.”

That broke her concentration and the section began to fall. Xellos waved his staff and it stopped in midair.

“Xellos!” She ran toward him. “Zel’s somewhere in this mess, but we haven’t found him.” Lina grabbed his collar. “I know the Beastmaster’s pissed at him. Was this her?”

That was something he wasn’t prepared to reveal. Nyx had clearly been under the control of someone other than Zelas, and he had no doubt that Xiuh was as well. The Mazoku shrugged. “Apparently that sorcerer was working with others. They may want him back.”

“Shit.” Lina released him, and he realized that she looked as though she’d been crying. “Please help find him, Xellos. I can’t…” She shook her head. “If he was in that explosion, he’s probably in a part of the building that we can’t reach yet.”

“Unless he has been captured,” Xellos said somberly. If he was missing, that was likely. At least the chimera would be easy to track.

“If so, they’re dead. They have no right.” The sorceress closed her eyes briefly. “But if he’s here, we haven’t heard from him. He could be hurt.”

Or dead, Xellos knew she wasn’t willing to say. He only nodded and stretched his senses to check for the chimera’s Astral signature. He was surprised to find it immediately. His face must have changed because Lina suddenly looked worried.

“Is he…?”

“He’s here.”

That Xellos could sense him at least meant that Zelgadis was alive, but if he was so close and hadn’t used spells to free himself or at least draw rescuers to his location… He glanced toward that part of the structure and Lina followed his gaze.

“We can’t get into that part yet,” she said softly.

“I can.” Xellos left her there, traveling through the Astral plane.

He would have missed Zelgadis simply looking, the chimera covered with dust and grime from the explosion and partly buried in the rubble. At first all Xellos saw of him was his hand outstretched with the fingers curled in a light fist, the rest of him obscured behind a large bit of ceiling that had barely missed crushing him completely.

Zelgadis was face down, his right leg pinned under another section of ceiling; blood streaked the pant leg. His right arm was twisted behind him against a wall. Blood stained the ground around his head, and the gaping hole in the back of his shirt revealed that he had been far too close to the explosion for his even his stone skin to withstand the heat. It was only the mist from his breath that made it clear the youth was still alive.

And it was clear that if Zelgadis were to stay that way, he would need someone to cast  _Resurrection_  on him, and soon.

Xellos reached forward, pulling remnants of the chimera’s shirt away from the burn. Zelgadis gasped and shuddered. His left eye, the only one Xellos could see, opened, and regarded him dully for a moment.

“Xellos?” His voice was weak and hoarse, and just the one word sent Zelgadis into a short coughing fit that stained his lips with blood.

“Don’t speak, Zelgadis-san.” The chimera shivered and Xellos removed his mantle and draped it over him. “I’m going to take you to Amelia-san.”

Zelgadis didn’t listen. “I keep getting into trouble lately,” he murmured with difficulty.

Xellos decided that perhaps keeping him talking might be a better idea with his injuries. “What happened?”

“Mazoku. It just grabbed me. Think it wanted to capture me; don’t know why.” Between his shaking and labored breathing, it was hard to understand him. “I fought.”

“It doesn’t look like it went very well,” Xellos commented.

Zelgadis’ short laugh dribbled off into pained coughing that brought up more blood. “Understatement of the century,” he managed.

Xellos didn’t know how to respond. Instead he reached forward and lifted Zelgadis gently, wrapping the mantle around him and cradling him in his arms. Zel’s right shoulder was dislocated. The whole right side of his face was one large bruise, the eye swollen shut. But worse than that, the rocks above his right eye were partially torn away from the skin, leaving a gaping wound that oozed blood. The damage should have been beautiful, but on Zelgadis it only made Xellos feel ill.

As Xellos moved Zelgadis’ arm, the chimera retched weakly. The Mazoku stroked his pale face in a comforting way, and he just lay against him shivering for several seconds before speaking.

“I need help.” There was a note of panic in his voice, and he seemed more lucid than he had been, as though the pain had woken him from his stupor. “I’m going into shock.”

“I’m going to get you out of here, Zelgadis-san.” But Xellos couldn’t bring himself to let Zelgadis go. Part of him wanted to complete the damage, make it perfect, and he was afraid that it would take over. He kept stroking the chimera’s cheek, holding him close, willing the urge to leave him.

Zelgadis seemed to notice his hand and flinched away slightly. “What do you want from me, Xellos?”

“Only to help you.”

The chimera shuddered. “Why do you… Why did you kiss me?”

He was practically sobbing in pain at this point, and Xellos knew that if he didn’t act soon Zelgadis would be beyond saving. That realization finally moved him. He gently eased Zelgadis to the ground.

“Because I wanted to.”

The youth caught his sleeve. “ _Why?_ ”

Xellos didn’t respond, examining Zelgadis’ pinned leg. It was broken. He could tell even through the pants that it was severely swollen, and he could hear the chimera’s stone skin cracking slightly under the internal pressure. The stone skin simply wasn’t flexible enough to accommodate the swelling. The downed chunk of ceiling was keeping a large amount of rock from falling. It was only the fact that his leg had kept it from moving further that had prevented Zelgadis from being buried underneath tons of stone.

It would be difficult to unpin Zelgadis without bringing everything down on top of them, but a glace at the chimera made it clear that he was out of time. His gaze had become a blank stare, and his breathing was even more labored and shallow than it had been. Xellos had seen this before in the dying; Zelgadis’ body, his fantastic mind, were shutting down.

He manifested his Astral form and let the cone of swirling power bowl into the tons of stone, pushing it to balance in another direction and fall. Then he levitated the section of ceiling from Zegladis’ leg.

The chimera cried out and went still, his breathing catching, nearly stopping, and then continuing even weaker than before. Xellos gathered Zelgadis into his arms and pulled him into the Astral plane with him, protecting him from its chaos with his Astral body. He could feel, in this plane, the life leaving Zelgadis, fading away. Xellos’ spirit itched to drain it completely, and he resisted that pull. He held the life, keeping it where it belonged, and traveled quickly toward a beacon of White magic within the palace that he would normally avoid.

\--

A golden-white glow had enveloped Zelgadis and drawn him from the strange darkness that had been seeping into him, absorbing him. The flame had permeated him with warmth and life, and a part of him understood that it had brought him back from the brink even as the tremulous memory faded from his mind as consciousness returned in spurts.

Someone was touching him, warm, tracing the lines of his face in tender, short motions. He swam in and out of awareness, the contact against his earlobe, along his jaw, stroking his brow. When he was finally able to open his eyes—one eye; the other seemed to be crusted shut—he found Xellos gently wiping blood from his face with a soft cloth.

The Mazoku’s eyes were open, and they again startled Zelgadis. If he hadn’t known better, he would almost say that Xellos looked human, with his eyes exuding a compassion that belied what he was. Then Xellos noticed he was awake, and the eyes closed, a familiar grin slipping over the concern that had been on his face. The expression annoyed him more than it usually did, but the chimera wasn’t sure why.

“Ah, you’re awake. Amelia-san will be relieved. You weren’t out for very long.” He dipped the cloth in a basin. “How are you feeling?”

Zelgadis considered for a moment before answering. While he was no longer in danger of dying, even  _Resurrection_  hadn’t been able to get rid of the ache in his muscles and bones. If it’d been cast by a dragon it’d have been stronger, but White magic cast by humans had limitations, and he’d apparently surpassed them. He’d been thrown through a few too many walls, and while it didn’t feel like he was being dragged toward oblivion, everything hurt.

“Like death warmed over,” he finally said.

The irritating grin faded slightly. Xellos reached forward and ran the cloth against Zelgadis’ right eyelid, and he cringed back at the contact, trying to reach for the cloth to do it himself. His arms felt like lead. It hurt to even try to move them. He settled, allowing the Mazoku to gently wipe away the caked blood.

“My, I didn’t realize that your eyelashes were also wire, Zelgadis-san.” He could feel Xellos carefully manipulating the stiff hairs, working out the blood that had adhered them together. “They must be troubling sometimes.”

“No more irritating than the rest of my body,” Zelgadis replied shortly.

He was too tired and in too much pain to have this kind of conversation. All he really wanted to do was sleep, but the combination of pain and being touched kept him awake. There was briefly a bit more pressure against his eyelid, and he flinched away before realizing that Xellos had gotten the rest of it and he could finally open his right eye.

Previously he had only been able to focus on Xellos’ face, but now he realized that the Mazoku’s clothing—faux clothing, he knew, since it was all technically a part of him—was covered with blood. Zelgadis’ blood.

Xellos glanced down. “Oh, my.” The blood abruptly faded away. “That’s better.”

Zel frowned. “Why didn’t you do that before?”

“I was rather preoccupied, Zelgadis-san.”

The Mazoku dipped the cloth into the basin again, wringing it out, and Zelgadis noticed that his usual blue gloves were missing. It was the first time he’d seen Xellos’ hands, and he found himself fixated on them as they set down the cloth and reached for him. Xellos moved him, turning him onto his left side with his back facing him. Zelgadis hissed as the aches briefly blossomed into points of pain.

“Zelgadis-san?” There was a note of concern in his voice.

“Sore,” he murmured. “Everything’s sore.”

“But Amelia-san cast  _Resurrection_ …”

“She’s still learning. White magic always works best when cast by dragons.”

He was mildly surprised that Xellos didn’t know this, but then Mazoku didn’t, and couldn’t, work with White magic. It made sense that they wouldn’t know much about it.

Xellos said nothing, and Zelgadis felt the damp cloth dragged against his back. He knew it must have been badly burned in the explosion—badly enough that he could feel that most of the back of his shirt was simply gone. Then Xellos removed the remnants of his shirt and pulled the blankets up over his shoulders.

Zelgadis found that he was far more comfortable on his left side than he had been lying on his back. The aches were mostly down the right side of his body, which was no real surprise given that was the side that had taken the brunt of the impact slamming through the thick outer wall of the Armory. It also felt better not to have pressure on his back, which was tender as well after being burned.

He still felt as though someone had taken a tenderizer to him, but the pain was muted, and he found himself drifting off even as he felt Xellos removing his boots—which he hadn’t realized he was still wearing. Zelgadis was far too tired to care about the prospect of the Mazoku removing his pants; he hadn’t exactly done anything threatening, and the chimera found himself reluctantly trusting him. But Xellos didn’t, instead simply pulling the covers back over him after the boots were gone.

He felt warm and protected. A pleasant sort of numbness settled over him, and he gave into it, letting his awareness fade into sleep.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Twenty Three_

They had spent the entire day digging through the rubble, looking for injured and dead. The job still wasn’t done, but Phil-san had insisted that they get rest after Amelia passed out. Those who had been healed from minor injuries were now searching. So were volunteers from the city.

Even though he was exhausted, Gourry hadn’t been able to relax. He didn’t know what was going on, and knew he probably wouldn’t get it even if someone explained it to him, but it was making him restless. And with the rumors he’d heard, he wanted to check on Zel.

When Gourry entered Zel’s suite, he wasn’t surprised to see that Xellos was there. The Mazoku had been hanging around a lot lately, especially around Zel. Good thing, too, with everything that had happened. From what Lina had said around her food, he’d been the one to find Zel and take him to Amelia. They didn’t know how bad he was, but from what they’d heard… Well, it was good that Xellos had been around.

“Yo, Xellos!”

“Ah, Gourry-san.” Xellos stood. “I expected Lina-san to come as well.”

Gourry shrugged. “She was going to, but she fell asleep. Too much to eat, I think.” That last bit was meant to make Xellos smile, but it didn’t work. It was really weird to see him not-smiling. That kind of worried him. “Zel okay?”

“Amelia-san healed him, and there appears to be no permanent damage.” Well, at least that wasn’t why he looked so… unXellos-y. “He mentioned that he’s in pain still.”

“Oh.” That was surprising. But if he’d been hurt really badly maybe she hadn’t been able to heal him all the way. Gourry wanted to get one of the healers, but like Amelia most of them were exhausted. But at least there was something he could do. “I’ll get him some medicine. You’re guarding, in case that Mazoku comes back, right?”

Xellos looked surprised, then frowned. “I was under the impression that Lina had destroyed it.”

“No. We never saw it, but unless Zel got it, it’s still out there.” Gourry glanced at the bed. “And I’m kinda figuring he was on the losing side.”

Xellos nodded. “That complicates things considerably.”

Gourry had no idea what he was talking about, but Xellos never liked to share things anyway and it was really just simpler not to ask. “I’ll get that medicine.” He remembered that Sylphiel had once told him that pain made it harder for people to heal, and even though Zel healed pretty quickly he figured better safe than sorry.

On his way back from the impromptu hospital that had been set up in the ballroom, Gourry wondered why Xellos had stayed if he hadn’t thought Zel was in danger. He was definitely glad he had, but it was kind of strange. He knew that Lina didn’t trust Xellos, but Gourry figured that it didn’t really matter. He was so strong that they wouldn’t have time to do anything if he really wanted to hurt them. Besides, things had been awfully weird lately, and at least Xellos seemed to be on their side.

He almost asked when he got back into the room, but decided against it. Xellos probably wouldn’t give him a straight answer even if it wasn’t a secret, and he was too tired for the Mazoku’s strange riddles now. The restlessness had left now that he was satisfied that Zel was mostly okay, and his exhaustion was catching up with him.

\--

Zelgadis woke to someone shaking him. The shaking itself didn’t wake Zelgadis, but the pain it caused did. He opened his eyes and slowly focused to see Gourry frowning at him. The blond looked exhausted, and more serious than he usually did outside of a fight. Gourry had probably spent the day digging survivors from the ruins of the Armory. If his level of pain was any indication, the explosion had been huge. Which probably meant that his idiocy had killed people. The thought made him feel sick, cutting through the numbness that had seeped into him somehow.

He must have said Gourry’s name, because the swordsman nodded. “Yeah, it’s me. I brought medicine. Xellos said you’re still hurting.”

“Yeah,” he managed. He vaguely remembered mentioning the pain, but he hadn’t expected the Mazoku to do something about it. He was somewhat surprised that Xellos had, well… cared. “Painkillers?”

Gourry held up a vial of lime-green liquid. “Yup. They said it should help until tomorrow.”

Zelgadis tried to sit, but barely propped himself up. His right arm still hurt too much to move. What little movement he’d made caused enough pain to momentarily white out his vision. Gourry seemed to realize he was having trouble, and uncorked the vial and held it to his lips. It was so disgusting he could barely swallow it.

“It’s bitter. Sorry.” The blond helped him drink some water. “By tomorrow the Armory should be cleared out, and they’ll have someone who can finish healing you.”

The Armory he’d destroyed. “Did anyone die?” Gourry looked like he didn’t want to answer, and that told Zelgadis all he needed to know. He’d known anyway. He had failed to pay attention to his surroundings, one of the most basic rules of battle, and other people had paid for it. That was always the way it worked. The person who should have been killed always survived. “How many?”

Gourry shook his head. “I don’t know, Zel. But it wasn’t your fault.”

Zelgadis looked away. He didn’t know how to feel aside from sick. Everything had gone so terribly wrong lately. Hell, everything had gone wrong his entire life, from the death of his parents to losing his humanity, but the past month had been particularly awful. Whatever entity was toying with him needed to just kill him and get it over with. “I cast the spell. I set off the gunpowder. It’s my fault.”

“You didn’t know it was there,” Gourry reasoned. “I’ve spent a while in there and I didn’t know either.”

But Gourry was an idiot who didn’t notice obvious things, so that was no consolation. “I should have used a different spell.” He didn’t want rationalization; it didn’t change what he had done. Innocent people had died because of him.

“But Zel—”

“Gourry-san, perhaps you should let him rest. You seem quite exhausted yourself.” Xellos’ voice startled the chimera; he hadn’t realized the Mazoku was still there. “It has been quite a difficult day. I’m sure things will be clearer in the morning.”

Xellos, of all people, trying to be the voice of reason was too much for Zelgadis. “Just go away. Both of you.”

He pulled the blankets over his head, willing the darkness to seep into him. The medicine kicked in and he let it tug at his consciousness, ignoring the murmuring from Xellos and Gourry, until he fell back to sleep.

\--

Gourry had been reluctant to leave, until Xellos pointed out that the painkillers would probably knock Zelgadis out until morning. The Mazoku understood his concern. Zelgadis’ emotions were normally so complex that they were a treat to decipher—on occasion a real challenge. Tonight it had been simple despair and self-loathing, and that kind of simplicity was becoming more common. It was as though his emotional capacity had been worn down, and with what had been happening, it wasn’t particularly surprising.

Most mortals, faced with situations that Zelgadis had faced, would have given up long ago, but the chimera was tenacious. He was much like Lina in that respect, refusing to resign to any fate that he didn’t create for himself. But every mortal had a limit, and it seemed that Zelgadis had reached his.

And really, Xellos knew that he was partly to blame. Zelgadis had plodded on through everything, ignoring his limits, fixated on his cure and the prospect of a normal life. With that goal no longer a possibility, there was nothing to help him surpass his limits.

It would have been fascinating to witness were it not Zelgadis.

After Gourry left, Xellos checked on the chimera to find that he had curled around himself under the blankets. He looked so vulnerable that the Mazoku had a momentary, alien desire to lie beside him and hold him, comfort him. Xellos stepped back, disturbed by how very  _human_  the urge was.

It was only when Zelgadis began murmuring unintelligibly, moving restlessly in his sleep, that Xellos was able to move again. The nightmares were wholly unexpected in a mind that was generally rather rational, and Xellos didn’t have enough experience to know what to do to ease them. Waking Zelgadis had simply made things worse before. Still, there had to be something he could do.

When he sat beside Zelgadis on the bed, the chimera’s sleep settled slightly before he curled closer to Xellos, apparently comforted slightly by the presence of a warm body. But his brow was still creased, his breathing panicked even in his sleep, moving in short jerks as though trying to get away from something. The Mazoku reached out and ran his thumb against Zelgadis’ forehead, gratified when it smoothed, and the youth’s breathing and movements slowly calmed.

Zelgadis finally settled with a sigh, and murmured again. “’Kaasan…”

That was the last thing Xellos would have expected from the chimera, but it was clear that the subconscious desire to return to happier times, to childhood, was far more comforting than the nightmare. His mother was a comfort to him, however cruel it was to be comforted by a ghost.

Xellos wasn’t willing to deny him that small comfort.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Twenty Four_

Xellos didn’t move while Zelgadis slept, sitting beside him on the bed. He was barely aware of the chimera, beyond the fact that his sleep was untroubled by nightmares after the first. He was, however, paying attention to the distorted Astral signature that occasionally came closer and then quickly left. Xiuh—if it had in fact been him—was waiting for him to leave. Whatever was controlling him was being far more careful with him than Nyx, who had undoubtedly been sacrificed to distract him.

It had worked, keeping him away while Xiuh was sent after Zelgadis.

He had no doubt that he could easily take out Xiuh, but he was not willing to be distracted again. There were undoubtedly more Mazoku under the control of these sorcerers, and though he knew he could handle Xiuh, he could not be certain something would not come after Zelgadis while he was fighting.

In his condition, Zelgadis was defenseless. He wouldn’t be able to fight out of being captured. And even beyond his boggling desire to protect the chimera, Xellos knew the sorcerers were likely to become more of a threat if they recaptured Zelgadis.

Killing Zelgadis would be the smart thing to do. Xellos ached to do it, knew it would be all too easy. He could move his hand from the youth’s forehead to his exposed throat and squeeze the life away, or simply send his power through his hand where it was and leave no trace. But as easy as it would be, and even with the understanding that the Mazoku race was endangered by Zelgadis’ continued existence, he could not bring himself to do it.

Instead Xellos stayed still, allowing himself to be tagged without repercussion and listening to the chimera’s steady breathing, even as he despised the weakness that was revealed by his inaction.

When Zelgadis finally woke, Xellos removed his hand and the youth regarded him blearily. “What do you want?”

He could have named several dozen things, including the chimera’s death, but Xellos just smiled at him blandly. “You were having nightmares again, Zelgadis-san.”

Zelgadis didn’t seem to notice that this hadn’t answered his question. “That doesn’t mean I have a fever,” he muttered. “Nightmares are normal.”

Such an assumption was a useful excuse. “Well, you were nearly killed yesterday. It wasn’t impossible.” He said this as cheerfully as possible. “But I’m assuming you actually want to know why I’m here.”

That caught Zelgadis off-guard, and he looked at Xellos suspiciously. “Yes. Are you actually going to answer that, or are you just pointing it out to be obnoxious?”

“Were you able to destroy your attacker?”

“That’s not an answer.” His irritation flared. “But no. It disappeared. I’m probably lucky it left instead of grabbing me when I was hurt. Now why are you here?”

Xellos regarded him seriously. “I am afraid it isn’t good news, Zelgadis-san,” he started.

“It never is.”

“That sorcerer was not working alone.”

Zelgadis tried to sit up, but instead hissed in pain and grabbed his right shoulder. “Shit. You’re joking, right?”

Xellos glanced at the chimera’s injury, noting that apparently White magic tried to heal a dislocated shoulder without popping it back into joint. He reduced the joint with a jerk, frowning as Zelgadis yelped, before answering. “Unfortunately not.”

\--

The pain actually cleared some of the fuzz from Zelgadis’ brain. “Should’ve figured,” he managed. “Your jokes are usually much more elaborate.”

Xellos regarded him with a frown, and Zelgadis knew he was likely wondering if he’d lost it. Right, because  _Xellos_  was the sane one. “Perhaps you should rest more,” he finally said.

“I somehow doubt that’s going to stop them from coming after me,” Zelgadis said softly. “You’re sure?”

“Quite.” Xellos reached into his satchel. “I was looking into that sorcerer’s associates, and found this.” He held up a small stone, deep blue.

Zelgadis felt sick as he realized what it was, and he looked way. “So they did more than just…”

He couldn’t finish; after all, he had no idea what they had done to him in the months he’d been held. Clearly chimera research was only one part of it. He didn’t like feeling this vulnerable.

“Get that away from me,” he finally said after a long silence.

“You don’t want to keep it?” Zelgadis ignored the question. “Hm. I suppose not.”

When he started to put it back in his satchel, Zelgadis glared. “Just throw it away.”

“Zelgadis-san, I doubt you want this to fall into the wrong hands. It could be used against you.”

“And you’re the right hands?  _You_  could use it against me.”

Xellos looked amused. “I wouldn’t need this. Even if I did want a stone from your skin, it wouldn’t be difficult to get one myself. Even if you were in your best form, you would not be able to stop me if I truly wished you harm. I could, in fact, do anything I wanted to you and you would be helpless.”

His smile was like the blade of a knife, and there was a dangerous edge to his amusement. It occurred to Zelgadis that he had probably pissed Xellos off somehow, but all thought fled his mind when the Mazoku leaned forward and opened his eyes. Despite their relative humanity, the bloodlust they contained made Zelgadis go cold with fear.

The smile abruptly changed into something far more benign, his eyes less threatening, and Xellos continued. “But, interestingly, I do not. I only intend to hold onto this for safekeeping.”

This time Zelgadis said nothing when he put the stone in his bag, and they sat in silence for a while. He had no idea whether to regard Xellos’ words as a threat or just a statement of truth. Even though he had leaned back and was, for the most part, not invading his personal space, Zel felt like he was looming.

It was Xellos who finally spoke. “Incidentally, I believe the Mazoku that attacked you is either hovering around waiting for me to leave or trying to bait me into a fight.”

Zelgadis tried to sit up again, only to have Xellos still him, gently holding him down with a hand on his chest. “It’s here?” He was a little embarrassed by the note of panic in his voice.

“No, but I can sense his Astral signature. I believe he wishes to lure me away so that you would be unprotected.” Xellos was frowning again. “There are probably others waiting for the opportunity to capture you.”

“Great.” He closed his eyes, feeling a headache coming on. Zelgadis preferred anonymity to this. “Do you know how many sorcerers are involved? Is it just the one?”

“I haven’t looked into it. When I found your stone, I came to Seyruun immediately. Why?”

Zelgadis sighed. “Waiting around here for them to attack isn’t going to solve the problem. I’m sick of being on the defensive side. Let them try it. When I’ve recovered, I’m going to go after them. I just wanted to know how many of them I need to take down.”

“Are you certain you can handle them?”

The chimera glared at Xellos. His expression was serious—not that reading Xellos ever worked on a consistent basis—and Zel sighed and looked away. “I don’t know anything anymore, but at this point I’m willing to die trying. One way or another, I’m going to finish this.”

“My. You certainly are determined.”

His voice was somber, and when Zelgadis glanced at him there was no trace of amusement. In fact, he almost got the impression that Xellos was mildly impressed.

“Whatever. I’m going back to sleep.”

Xellos stood and pulled the blankets up around Zelgadis. “That is probably best. The sooner you recover, the sooner we can leave.”

Zelgadis eyed him suspiciously. “We?”

“Well, I can’t let you have all the fun. Quests for vengeance are always quite entertaining.” His smile was dangerous again. “And I have my own reasons for going after them.”

He knew better than to ask what they were, or why Xellos didn’t just take care of the sorcerers himself. He likely wouldn’t give a straight answer, anyway. And sometimes with Xellos it was better not to know.

\--

Amelia had wanted to go check on Zelgadis as soon as she woke, but she’d instead been dragged to the kitchen for breakfast. It was better to have some energy to burn, though. After Lina stole the last of his food, Gourry mentioned that Zelgadis probably needed to be healed more since he was in pain.

Lina reacted before she could, standing up and swatting him. “Why didn’t you say something before, Gourry?!”

He cringed. “Well, she needed to eat first, and I got him some painkillers before I went to bed. So he’s okay.”

“You checked on him, Gourry-san? Did he say where he’s in pain?”

The blond thought for a moment. “Er. Actually, Xellos was the one who told me.”

Lina frowned. “ _Xellos_  told you? He’s Mazoku! He likes pain. Why would he say anything?”

“It’s the truth. I had to wake Zel up to give him the medicine,” Gourry protested. “All he cared about was if anyone died. He was kinda upset. Said the explosion was his fault.”

“It was the  _Mazoku_ ’s fault! Zel was just tryin’ to defend himself!” Lina stood. “I’m gonna go knock some sense into him—”

“But Lina—”

“—and then I’ll make Xellos tell me—”

“Lina-san!” Amelia startled herself by pounding on the table, and Lina turned and stared at her, falling silent. She took a couple of deep breaths before continuing. “Zelgadis-san needs to rest. We can talk to him about it later, but when Xellos-san brought him to be healed he was… he was almost gone. He was so badly hurt, Lina-san…”

“Amelia…” She shook her head, and Lina fell silent.

“So please don’t yell at either of them. If it hadn’t been for Xellos-san, Zelgadis-san would be…” She couldn’t finish. She hadn’t been sure if even  _Resurrection_  would work. It had almost been too late. And all the blood… Amelia had only seen Zelgadis injured like that once, fighting Gaav, and even then he had not been as grievously injured as he had been yesterday. “Please.”

Lina sighed. “Alright. Me and Gourry are gonna go help with the Armory. Go heal Zel and we’ll talk to you later.” She patted Amelia’s shoulder. “Zel’s okay. That’s what matters.”

Amelia nodded, taking deep breaths to keep herself from crying. It took several minutes and by the time she had calmed down Lina and Gourry were gone, and she had to go on her own.

When she knocked on Zelgadis’ door, Xellos let her in. “Good morning, Amelia-san. I’m surprised Lina-san didn’t accompany you.”

“She’s not… Well, she’s a little angry.”

Xellos grinned. “Lina-san hardly does anything ‘little,’” he pointed out.

He was right; Lina was far more likely to use a big spell even if she didn’t really need one, which was part of the reason she’d gotten all her nicknames. Amelia checked Zelgadis and found him asleep, the blood that had covered his face when she had healed him blessedly gone. The only person who could have wiped it away was Xellos.

“Well, she’s mad at Zelgadis-san. Gourry-san says he blames himself for that explosion, and I think she’s mad at you because she thinks you know more than you’re saying.”

“That’s hardly unusual,” Xellos commented cheerfully.

Amelia frowned at him as she settled in the chair next to the bed. “Xellos-san, you should tell us what’s going on. If not all of us, at least Zelgadis-san. It obviously involves him somehow, and he can’t be in the dark if he’s going to defend himself. If he knew what was going on, he might not have been so badly hurt.”

Xellos didn’t reply, so she turned her attention to Zelgadis, checking the extent of the injuries that remained. His face had healed nicely, and only a little bruising remained. Amelia pulled down the blanket a bit to find that he wasn’t wearing a shirt, and hesitated. She needed to check, but if he was naked… She felt her face grow hot. Even if she was just healing him it wasn’t  _proper_.

“He’s wearing pants.” Xellos’ voice was filled with mirth.

Amelia sighed in relief, then pulled the covers away completely. His pant leg was stained with blood, but when she checked she found that the broken leg had healed nicely.

“Xellos-san, did he say where it hurt?”

“Only that everything was sore. Unsurprising, really, given the extent of his injuries. And, well, since you’re not fully trained in the use of White magic.” Amelia glanced at him, but couldn’t read his expression. “I did, however, get the impression that his shoulder and back were bothering him the most.”

She checked Zelgadis’ shoulder and found that there was muscle, ligament, and tendon damage from a dislocation that she hadn’t even noticed when she had healed him the first time. The shoulder was back in place, and, again, the only person who could have done that was Xellos. Unless it was maybe Gourry. But she had failed as a priestess, not catching that.

Xellos was right, she realized as she cast  _Recovery_  on Zelgadis’s shoulder; she wasn’t fully trained. And worse than that, she had been neglecting her training to go off on adventures with Lina. If she hadn’t goofed off, maybe she would have been able to heal Zelgadis’ soul herself, without putting Xellos in danger. And she definitely wouldn’t have missed such a bad injury.

Amelia shook her head, scolding herself for being so self-absorbed. She’d just work harder so this wouldn’t happen again. She’d learn from her mistakes.

She cast  _Recovery_  again on Zelgadis’ back, finding that even though his skin had healed, there was still burn damage in his tissue and muscles. Then she checked to make sure that his internal damage had been healed before pulling the covers back up.

“I’ll tell the kitchen to send food up for him,” she said after a moment, turning toward Xellos. “Since I used  _Recovery_  he’ll sleep for a while, but he’s going to need to replenish his energy when he wakes up.”

“Oh, dear. Zelgadis-san isn’t nearly as entertaining when he’s asleep.”

Amelia glared at him. “Xellos-san, his injuries aren’t funny!”

“They certainly aren’t. He’s rather boring like this, you know.” The Mazoku regarded her mildly. “His emotions are usually so much more interesting than just depression.”

She stared at him for a moment before sighing. “You’re worried about him, too.” He frowned. “You know, Lina-san thinks that you’re more evil now.”

“Oh?” Xellos smiled slightly, opening one eye, and Amelia was startled by how… different it looked. Normally she would have felt threatened by a glimpse at his lack of humanity. But now the only hint that he wasn’t human was in the unnatural color of the iris. Instead she felt more confident. She walked past him, toward the door.

“I think she’s wrong. You’ve been doing good deeds, Xellos-san. If it hadn’t been for you, Zelgadis-san would have died, twice. You saved him, and you’ve been taking care of him.” Amelia glanced back at him. He was frowning again. “So maybe, given a choice, you’re more likely to do good than evil.”

With that, she closed the door behind her.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Twenty Five_

Zelgadis woke feeling fuzzy. He didn’t hurt anymore, which he knew meant Amelia had stopped by, but he had no energy and his mind wasn’t functioning properly. He initially considered going back to sleep, but he felt as though the air was vibrating around him and knew it would be pointless to try.

Even after eating, he still felt hazy, so he drew himself a bath in the adjacent washroom. It was halfway through, when the steam finally cleared his head, that he realized that the air was buzzing with  _bloodlust_. Specifically, Xellos’ bloodlust. Zelgadis could feel it even from the other room. It felt as though a swarm of bees was nearby, and it brought him from the fuzzy exhaustion onto high alert in seconds.

Zelgadis had only ever felt Xellos’ bloodlust a few times in the past, usually when they were up against some sort of enemy—Seigram, Kanzeil, Mazenda, Valgaav. Especially Valgaav. He’d also felt it when Xellos had intimidated Milgasia, and briefly a few times around Filia, as though she had irritated him too much to hide it. Usually it was absent while he masqueraded as a benign priest.

Something had definitely angered Xellos, and Zelgadis felt vulnerable. He considered his options, which were incredibly limited. He probably had enough energy to levitate out the window, but he’d neglected to grab clothing on his way in. All he had was the torn, filthy pair of pants he’d nearly died in. And if Xellos really wanted to kill him, running wouldn’t stop him.

He knew that it would probably be easier on everyone if Xellos just did what he should have done in the first place. If the Mazoku decided to do it, resisting wouldn’t do any good. If it was directed elsewhere freaking out would be equally pointless. So Zelgadis did his best to ignore the bloodlust and finished bathing, scrubbing the blood and grime from his skin. If he was going to die, he might as well be clean.

When he had finished and was drying, the bloodlust moved closer, toward the door. Zelgadis wrapped the towel around his waist and steeled himself.

Xellos was carrying a folded pile of clothing. “Ah, Zelgadis-san. You’ve finished. Amelia-san had these sent up.”

His face was tilted downward and his bangs hid his expression, but the bloodlust was so high that Zelgadis was having a hard time forcing himself to stand his ground.

As Xellos moved closer he raised his head slightly and Zel could see the curve of his smile, strained in an expression of fatal mirth, anything but benign. Any sane person would have been running, but Zelgadis felt frozen. It was when he saw Xellos’ eyes, as cold and deadly as they had always been before but somehow more frightening, that he tried to move away instinctively.

\--

It was an automatic reaction to the fear and attempt to flee, slamming Zelgadis against the wall and holding him there by the throat. The brief burst of panic, the way his body shuddered against the wall, a brief, fruitless push against the staff holding the rest of his body against the wall, was delicious. After so long inactive, it felt good to have a trembling life at his mercy, to feel a rapid heartbeat under arteries at his fingertips.

The need to kill had festered all morning after Amelia’s foolish comment with no outlet, no ability to leave and run amok for a few hours. He was tethered to this life, the chimera. He wanted to extinguish that life so badly and yet when he tried he could not move his fingers, make them cut off the flow of blood to Zelgadis’ brain. Xellos still could not kill him. Zelgadis had weakened him somehow, but he couldn’t even  _hate_  him.

Xellos was  _not_  a do-gooder.

Underneath the fear was resignation, and he was surprised when Zelgadis took several deep breaths. The pulse beneath his fingers calmed a little and blue demon eyes opened the regard him cautiously.

“Xellos…”

Xellos leaned in closer, shifting his grip on the youth’s neck, and Zelgadis shuddered before he pressed on.

“I don’t want them to find me like this,” he whispered. “Please let me dress before you kill me.”

The request was accompanied by a bit of shame and self-loathing. That, combined with the fact that he simply  _could not kill him_  only enraged Xellos further, and he ripped the towel from around Zelgadis’ waist. Sapphire eyes widened before closing tightly, and his hands tried to grab for the towel, but it was already gone.

Zelgadis tried to struggle, and his terror was wonderful. Xellos pinned him to the wall, pushing his knee between the chimera’s legs, trapping him, and horror and panic joined the terror. He was trying to murmur a spell when Xellos leaned in and kissed him hard, forcing his way in with teeth and tongue. He kept Zelgadis from turning away with his hand, clamped hard enough against his windpipe to prevent him from breathing. The youth’s hands clawed uselessly at Xellos’ chest in an attempt to shove him away, but they weakened slowly and his terror peaking further with his helplessness.

Xellos ended the brutal kiss, leaning his forehead against the chimera’s and loosening his hand to allow him breath. He had needed those emotions, had been hungry for them after so many days without feeding. But he hadn’t intended this, hadn’t really realized he’d wanted it. And unfortunately, Zelgadis’ fear wasn’t abating with the end of that kiss. Instead there was a terrified anticipation of more.

He moved his hand away from Zelgadis’ neck to cup his chin, his fingers gentle now, but the boy only trembled harder and a soft, frightened noise slipped through his bruised lips.

Xellos sighed. “I don’t  _want_  to kill you, damn you. That’s the problem.”

The words seemed to register with Zelgadis through the terror and he opened his eyes again, watching him warily.

“I seem to want to protect you,” Xellos mused. “And that shouldn’t be possible.”

Zelgadis didn’t react, and Xellos doubted he was capable of much more than gibberish at this point. He released him and stepped back, and Zelgadis slid to the floor like a puppet whose strings had been cut, hunching over, shaking, and covering himself ineffectually with his hands.

Xellos retrieved the towel from where he had flung it, gathered the clothing that he had dropped, and squatted in front of him, draping the towel over his lap without looking and setting the clothing beside him. Zelgadis cringed away from him, and Xellos sighed again. “I apologize, Zelgadis-san.”

He was startled when Zelgadis made a noise that was almost derisive, and anger joined the fear. Zelgadis didn’t speak and after a moment of silence Xellos stood and left the room. He couldn’t think of anything else to say.

\--

His position against the wall was uncomfortable, but it was still quite a while after Xellos left before Zelgadis could bring himself to move. It was difficult to calm down enough to think beyond the emotions that simply wouldn’t go away. Sending commands to his limbs to move was impossible. The fear had simply locked up his body, paralyzed him, even after the danger was gone.

When he was able to move, he dressed quickly, shakily, anxious to cover his body, to hide it so it wouldn’t be exposed. Even though he knew the clothing would make little difference to Xellos if he decided to come back and finish what he’d started. That very thought left him huddled in a corner of the bathroom, his knees to his chest, while he made an effort to calm down again.

Beyond the fear, Zelgadis was  _angry_ , more at himself than Xellos. The Mazoku couldn’t help being what he was, but Zelgadis had let him close enough to enable him to take advantage of his vulnerability. And, worse, he had believed Xellos wouldn’t… do what he’d just done, in  _Xellos’_  word. Beyond the incident in the inn and that damnable kiss several days before, Zelgadis should have been more worried. And he definitely should have been alarmed when Xellos had basically  _caressed_  his soul in the library. ‘I am not that kind of Mazoku,’ his ass.

Zelgadis couldn’t figure out when his life had gone so wrong. These past few months were just more in a series of events, probably starting with the death of his parents so long ago, slowly escalating and making life just not worth it. For a while after meeting Lina—actually being accepted by someone who wasn’t a beastperson—he’d thought that maybe things were getting better. But even after having been imprisoned in a tank and experimented on, being molested by a Mazoku was a brand new low.

He wanted desperately to just disappear, and he pretty much intended to, once this debacle was over. He wasn’t ever going to find a cure and human society would never accept him as he was. But even hiding in the wilderness wasn’t likely to get Xellos to leave him alone. The only thing that would guarantee that was death, and he was damned if he was going to succumb to that without taking out at least a few of whoever was after him. And, really, he was more interested in killing all of them and then figuring out how to shut Xellos out than dying.

Even now, Zelgadis wasn’t suicidal.

The sun was setting by the time he’d reached a meditative calm state, and that was almost shattered when the bathroom door opened. Zelgadis nearly panicked before realizing it was only Gourry.

The blond blinked at him, frowning a little. “Hey, Zel. What’re you doing in here?”

What, indeed? The question pretty much required an answer, and eventually Zelgadis supplied, “Thinking.”

Gourry sat beside him—or as close to beside as he could get with Zelgadis in the corner. “Wouldn’t you be more comfortable in the other room?”

“I wanted to be alone.”

“Couldn’t you ask Xellos to leave?” Zelgadis raised his eyebrows at that and Gourry rubbed the back of his head and grinned. “Right, uh, he probably wouldn’t listen, would he?”

Zelgadis didn’t bother answering that one. Xellos didn’t have to follow anyone’s orders anymore, not even the Beastmaster’s. And while he hadn’t initially thought that this would be problematic, it clearly was.

Gourry eventually broke the silence. “Do you want to hang out with us? I mean, we’re going to have dinner in a little while, and since you’re feeling better… Plus Phil-san said he wants to talk to you.”

Of course he did. After all, Zelgadis had destroyed his armory and killed several people in the process. The king probably wanted to give him a polite royal boot. Beyond that, he didn’t think he could deal with Amelia’s pity and Lina’s attempts to be violently supportive. He was barely able to tolerate Gourry right now, and he knew that eating with all of them meant he would have to tolerate the court as well. Zelgadis knew that if Phil-san did ask him to leave in front of Lina and the others, they would want to come with. Xellos was clearly a loose cannon, more than he ever was. He wasn’t going to let his friends get involved in this.

“I don’t feel up to socializing,” he said finally. “Just tell Lina I’ll talk to her later. And if Phil-san wouldn’t mind coming here, I’d appreciate it.”

Gourry frowned at him again. “Are you sure you’re okay, Zel? I mean, I know I’m not that good at figuring stuff out, but if you want to talk—”

Zelgadis cut him off. “No. I don’t want to talk.” The blond looked a little crestfallen. “I really just want to be alone right now, Gourry. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Gourry said. “But if you ever need to I’ll listen. Sometimes you need to talk things out with friends.” He got up and headed for the door, then stopped and called back, “I’ll get someone to bring dinner for you.”

When he had been gone for several minutes, Zelgadis reluctantly left the bathroom himself. Xellos was floating, reclining in the air, and aside from a quickly-repressed burst of fear and anger, Zelgadis didn’t acknowledge him. Instead he went through his belongings, putting on the double-belt that Gourry had retrieved with his old sword.

Then he went through his supplies and organized them, all the while hyperaware of Xellos, who thankfully hadn’t moved. He paused when he found the protective amulet the Mazoku had made, before throwing it at him. He grabbed his waterskin and went back to the bathroom to rinse it out and fill it.

The pendant was back in his bag when he got back. Zelgadis tossed it on the floor and crushed it under his foot, but it was undamaged. He already knew a magical attack wasn’t likely to damage it, so instead he scuffed at it with his foot and sent it skittering across the tile to rest under the bed somewhere. He wasn’t keeping it.

Xellos said nothing and didn’t move, but after a moment Zelgadis heard the pendant skid across the floor toward the Mazoku. Zelgadis was taking inventory of his warm traveling gear when the Mazoku spoke.

“Zelgadis-san, I made this to protect you. You should really keep it.”

Just his voice made Zelgadis freeze for a moment before he was able to get his fear under control again. “Will it protect me from you?” he finally asked sarcastically. “If not, it’s useless.”

“I—”

A knock on the door interrupted him, and Zelgadis finally turned a baleful glare in his direction. “Leave.”

Xellos frowned, but shimmered out of existence all the same. His absence immediately relieved much of Zelgadis’ tension.

Unfortunately, most of it immediately returned upon finding Prince Philionel outside his door with several servants carrying an array of food for dinner. Zelgadis bowed as he let him in. “Philionel-ouji.”

The servants came in behind the prince and transformed the small table in the room into a dinner platter. Then they set a satchel on the floor near Zelgadis’ pack, took the plates from his earlier meal, and bowed before leaving, closing the door behind them.

“I thought I might dine away from the court tonight, Zelgadis-dono.”

Zelgadis started at the use of the honorific. He didn’t feel he deserved that level of respect, and certainly hadn’t expected it. Phil-san was intelligent enough to know that, though, and the continued use of that honorific made it clear immediately that the prince didn’t blame him for what had happened.

Philionel sat and gestured to the other chair. “Please have a seat. My daughter tells me that you haven’t been eating well lately, so I had plenty brought up.”

He wasn’t kidding, Zelgadis noted as he sat down obediently. The spread was enough for five people, and he hoped that Philionel didn’t expect him to eat all of it. He waited respectfully for the prince to serve himself before filling his own plate.

“Lina-dono mentioned that you are blaming yourself for the explosion.”

Zelgadis flushed, looking down at his food. “I cast the wrong spell.”

Philionel hmmed thoughtfully. “From what I understand, your injuries didn’t give you many options.” Zel blinked at him. “Several of the survivors saw you fighting. You led the beast away from them.”

He looked away again, embarrassed. He hadn’t been paying attention to his surroundings and hadn’t noticed anyone. “People died.”

“Yes. Eight of my soldiers.” Zelgadis winced. “But you are not to blame for that. Those targeting you are responsible. You have helped save Seyruun too many times for us to blame you for this catastrophe. The three of you are always welcome here.”

In a roundabout way, he was being told he that wasn’t getting the royal boot, that he could stay. But Zelgadis’ common sense told him otherwise. “Right now, my presence is endangering Seyruun. I have to leave and deal with the threat.”

“I had the feeling that would be your decision.” Philionel gestured to the bag the servants had set on the floor. “I took the liberty of preparing supplies, so you aren’t setting out unprepared. I will be sorry to see my daughter go, but these adventures strengthen her sense of justice.”

Zelgadis sighed. “I won’t allow the others to be endangered by this. This is something I need to handle on my own. Please don’t tell them I’m leaving. They’ll be angry, but it’s for their own good.”

Philionel smiled. “That will not stop them, you realize. Their hearts are filled with the desire to help their friends. It is better to face threats with those you trust.”

He wanted them with him for that exact reason. He couldn’t trust Xellos, but he could trust them. But he knew that it was a selfish desire. “If they can’t find me, they can’t follow me. I’ll be gone before they realize it.”

“It is your decision,” the prince said after a moment. “Please, eat. If your journey is to be as arduous as you seem to expect, it may be the last good meal you have for quite a while.” They ate in silence, then played a game of chess before the prince retired.

It was much later, after midnight, when Zelgadis shouldered his pack and left via the balcony, quietly  _Levitating_  beyond the castle grounds and sneaking through the city toward the west gate. He wasn’t sure where to head, but figured that unless he needed to go to Elmekia or Zefielia, it was the best direction. Xellos hadn’t returned, but he knew the priest was around somewhere. The bastard always was.

He  _Levitated_  over the gate without alerting the guards, and headed off toward the woods that flanked the border between Seyruun and Ralteague. He stopped dead when a familiar voice cast  _Lighting_.

“Oi, Zel. What’s the big idea going off without us?” The orb of light hovered over Lina’s palm and the shadows it cast over her face made her look almost demonic. She tossed it into the air, and it cast light several yards to reveal Amelia, Gourry, and  _Xellos_.

“Xellos,” he growled.

The Mazoku only smiled beatifically. “I did say ‘we,’ Zelgadis-san.”

Zelgadis turned to Lina. “It’s too dangerous.”

“Which is exactly why we’re going to help you,” she said faux sweetly.

“You’re not gonna convince us not to, Zel,” Gourry warned. “We’re coming.”

“You can’t expect us to let you shoulder this burden on your own,” Amelia added.

Zelgadis sighed. So much for protecting them. He knew well enough that nothing was going to convince them to let him handle this. Even if they knew how much danger Xellos posed to them, they wouldn’t leave, and Xellos had likely brought them into this for nefarious reasons.

He adjusted his pack and headed for the trees, and they followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason Zel was surprised by –dono is the honorific is very respectful and, when used by a powerful person, places the recipient at the same level as the speaker while also being affectionate. It’s not really used all that much anymore, but Phil uses it in the series a bunch, especially when referring to Lina.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Twenty Six_

It was midday by the time Lina realized that Xellos was giving Zel a wide berth. So far, he’d irritated her into  _Fireball_ ing down a glade of trees, sent Amelia into Justice Rant Mode three times, and confused Gourry so thoroughly—over what, Lina didn’t  _want_  to know—that he still looked slightly cross-eyed.

But he hadn’t so much as spoken to Zel, and normally he would be taking full advantage of the chimera’s grumpiness. That was actually kind of relieving, considering. After all, Zel could basically be a seven-course meal for Xellos with his angst, and with everything that’d happened lately he needed to be left alone. Zel, for his part, was pretending all of them didn’t exist.

The situation was more than a little concerning. She’d expected Zel to try to go off on his own. He was stubborn like that. What she hadn’t expected was for Xellos to give obvious hints so they could intercept him. Sure, it had basically been last-minute, but she’d been expecting to hunt Zel down  _after_  he left and beat some sense into him.

Whatever was going on, it was serious if Xellos would go out of his way to make sure she was involved. The number of times a Mazoku had done that was getting to be alarmingly high, and each time it had happened, bad shit had gone down.

Added to the stuff Zel was dealing with and Xellos’ claim that she was L-sama’s General—not to mention the awful hunch this information had given her that she didn’t dare even think about—this had Lina’s Oh-Shit-I’m-Screwed meter off the charts.

They had some supplies; the benefit of Amelia being a princess of Seyruun mean that when she had to leave suddenly the palace very quickly gathered some necessary provisions for the trip. So even though Xellos only hinted at the last minute, Seyruun’s organization despite the Armory catastrophe had enabled them to be ready to get going on at least a short-term basis within fifteen minutes.

What she hadn’t figured on was Zel setting a ridiculous pace through rural Ralteague. It was easy hiking: flat countryside with snow-covered farmland broken only by the occasional gathering of trees and farms, but going on nine hours without even stopping for lunch was excruciating. Eating a few apples while walking hadn’t helped much, either; they needed an actual meal.

Now that Lina thought about it, those random glades of trees—including the one she’d, er, inadvertently set on fire—were probably orchards. Whoops.

It was pretty clear that Zel was ignoring their not-so-subtle hints, so she picked up her pace to walk beside him. Gourry and Amelia were lagging behind, and Xellos was making comments about food to irritate them. It was like he was being extra obnoxious to make up for being marginally tolerable lately, but at least they were distracted.

“We need to eat. There are little villages all around here, so let’s stop at a restaurant somewhere. You know, save our supplies for when we really need them.”

Zel didn’t answer for a moment, but when he did she had to resist the urge to hit him. “I’m not hungry. Feel free to find a town if you want, but I’m not stopping.”

Yeah, like she was going to let him disappear on them. Lina took a deep breath and made an effort to calm down. “We’re not letting you go off on your own, Zel.”

The chimera stopped walking so abruptly that Lina didn’t realize at first and had to turn around. He didn’t look at her. “Lina, I don’t want any of you involved in this. It’s too dangerous.”

“Yeah, and so was fighting Shabranigdu, and Gaav, and Phibrizzo, and  _Valgaav_ ,” she countered. “You didn’t make me deal with them on my own, and I’m not the kind of person who’s going to leave you to handle this alone.”

“I chose to help you then.”

“And we’re choosing to help you now, you jerk. Besides, it’s not like I trust Xellos to actually help you. His ‘help’ comes with a price tag. You know that.” She grinned. “So let’s go find a town and get something to eat so Gourry and Amelia stop whining, ne?”

“Yare yare. You were quite loud yourself, Lina-san.”

Xellos’ voice surprised her and she looked up to find him floating above them. Amelia and Gourry had caught up, and she wasn’t sure how much of that they’d heard. From the slightly-dangerous edge to Xellos’ smile and Amelia’s pout, she guessed it was more than what he was commenting on.

A dark look passed over Zel’s face. “Piss off, Xellos.” The words were growled so low that they were almost inaudible.

Amelia gasped. “Zelgadis-san!” He didn’t look at her, instead glaring up at Xellos.

The Mazoku stared back for a moment, looking a bit taken aback, but then disappeared without another word.

Lina herself was shocked into silence for a moment. Zel rarely talked like that; it was usually almost painfully clear from the way he spoke that he was very educated and from a well-to-do family. And since when did Xellos listen to any of them? She glanced at Amelia and Gourry, who looked equally bewildered.

“So, a town. There’s got to be some decent inns around here,” she said when she recovered.

“An inn?” Gourry asked. “Like, with a restaurant?” Lina elbowed him hard and he shut up.

Zel frowned at her. “I need to avoid towns, Lina. After the Armory…”

“Okay, so we’ll just stop there for dinner. But we need to find a town, unless you want to cook for me.” Lina smiled when he blanched. She liked big meals, so that was a pretty good threat. “But we are coming with you, whether you like it or not.”

He sighed, and she knew she’d won.

Now all they needed to do was actually  _find_  a town.

\--

Zelgadis was well past twenty-four hours with no sleep, and all the rich meal at the inn had done was bring that fact to his full attention. Had he stuck to coffee and protein, he would have been fine, but this particular inn’s “specialty” had been pasta. As in, they didn’t serve anything else. Combined with his lack of sleep, still recovering from nearly dying, Xellos’ assault on him, and eighteen straight hours of hiking, the carb-heavy food made him feel as though his stone skin had turned to lead.

Zelgadis had already left the restaurant, but Lina, Gourry, and Amelia were still eating, and looked as though they might be at it for a while. He didn’t want to be convinced by his own exhaustion to stay and endanger the town, and the easiest way to avoid that was to wait outside. Lina hadn’t liked that idea much, but he’d promised not to leave. And however tempted he was to break that promise, he knew they’d just come after him, and probably put themselves in danger trying to find him.

It had been a mistake not to stay with them at the restaurant anyway, he realized as a familiar voice spoke directly behind him.

“Zelgadis-san, it’s hardly wise to go off on your own.”

Zelgadis refused to let himself feel fear, but his automatic reaction was to pull his sword and swing it in the direction of Xellos’ voice. The Mazoku caught the blade between his forefinger and thumb, stopping it without effort.

“You are, after all, being targeted,” Xellos continued blandly, not releasing the blade when Zelgadis tried to pull it from his grip. Even though he was only holding it between two fingers, pulling the sword away was impossible.

“Apparently by  _you_.”

Zelgadis let go of the sword, and it slipped from Xellos’ fingers to fall into the snow between them. He left it there; it wasn’t as though it would injure Xellos, even if he managed to hit him. That would take some serious magic, far beyond what Zelgadis had. He took a deep breath and focused on his anger, pushing away the fear and vulnerability that thought had inspired.

“You know perfectly well that I am not targeting you, Zelgadis-san. Were I, you wouldn’t have had time to even consider reaching for a weapon.” He picked up the sword and held it out hilt-first.

Zelgadis snatched it from him and glared. “Just leave me alone.”

“I haven’t bothered you all day.”

“And it couldn’t stay that way?”

Xellos sighed. “Zelgadis-san, do you have any idea where you are going? Where do you intend to start this search?”

That was something he didn’t know. Zelgadis didn’t have a strategy, or really any idea of where to start, not that he planned on admitting it. “Where you found me, I guess,” he finally answered, shrugging.

“You know I destroyed that laboratory, and it’s likely buried in snow. Any evidence is long gone from there by now.”

His voice was so soft it was almost gentle, as though he was talking to someone especially stupid or unbalanced, and it irritated the hell out of Zelgadis. He contemplated taking a swing at the Mazoku again, decided it’d be pointless, and scowled.

“Well, if I wander around long enough, they’re bound to try to capture me again. Maybe I should just let them.”

The nonplussed look that crossed Xellos’ face at that was vaguely satisfying. “Zelgadis-san…”

“Look, if you have a suggestion, just say it.” He sheathed his sword and rubbed his head wearily. “You’re going to manipulate me into going wherever, anyway, and I just don’t care anymore.”

Xellos looked away, off toward the west where the sun was setting. “Atlass,” he said after a moment. “I found that stone in an abandoned laboratory near there. I did not have the opportunity to investigate further.”

“Fine. Manipulation accomplished. We’ll go to Atlass.”

Zelgadis turned away as he heard Amelia’s voice calling his name in the distance. The three were headed toward them, down the road leading from town, with Lina still munching on something.

“When this is over, I’m through,” Zelgadis whispered, turning back to the Mazoku. “I don’t want to see you again, no matter what the reason. I’m not playing any more of your games.”

Xellos cocked his head. “Oh? And if I ignore that request?”

Zelgadis’ jaw clenched. “Then I will spend the rest of my life searching for a way to kill you. It’s not as though I have anything else to do with it.” The Mazoku’s eyebrows rose. “You might not see me as a threat now, but don’t make me become one.”

“We’ll see, Zelgadis-san. We’ll see.” His smile sent a shiver down Zel’s spine, and he disappeared in a shimmer of purple.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, calming himself and gathering his thoughts before facing his companions.

\--

Mazoku never reacted well to threats; they simply were not tolerated. So even though Zelgadis’ had been laughable—even researching the rest of his life, he was unlikely to become anything beyond a nuisance at best—Xellos had felt compelled to respond in kind. But he felt strangely troubled, and he wasn’t entirely certain why.

Things were not going well.

That much was obvious. This excursion, the continued protection, would have been unnecessary had he killed Zelgadis. He should have been happy to do so, even if the chimera’s existence wasn’t such a danger. As it was, it was almost obligatory to destroy him, and yet Xellos could not do it.

If he had let Zelgadis die in the first place—in the laboratory, of hypothermia, twice after Amelia’s  _Ra Tilt_ , of exposure on the balcony, in the Armory; there had been so many opportunities that he had not taken advantage of—none of these complications would exist. He would still be Zelas’ priest, lacking the free will that was plaguing him now.

He hadn’t even thought to let him die in the Armory, though it would have been the sensible thing to do. Saving him should not have been his first inclination. With Zelgadis dead, it would have been easy to hunt down the offending sorcerers alone and kill them. Or he could have manipulated Lina and simply observed as she took care of them for him.

‘What if’s were almost solely a human way of thinking. They implied regret, which wasn’t Mazoku at all. Which begged the question: what had he become?

The direction his thoughts were taking made him restless, and he checked the group to find that they had set up camp for the night. From the look of things, they had already fallen asleep. Xellos was momentarily concerned that this meant that he had been trapped in his reflections for longer than he had first thought, but quickly realized that they were just exhausted and had stopped not too far from town.

He hesitated, floating above them, before the restlessness became too much. He had to do something.

So leaving a thread of awareness behind in case they were attacked by Xiuh, he headed for the remains of the laboratory where he had found Zelgadis. While, as he had told Zelgadis, there likely wasn’t anything remaining, it was best to make sure. He was fairly certain that everything had been destroyed, but it was possible he had missed something in his haste to help the chimera. Xellos could check far more easily than the others. If he could uncover some direction, this ordeal would end sooner.

The snow, while deep, had not penetrated the inner parts of the laboratory, which unfortunately meant that he had been remiss. But this mistake could easily be a boon now, so he sifted through the remains, looking for any hints that might help.

Xellos nearly missed it, but managed to detect a sliver of that hybrid magic that had destroyed Nyx and permeated the laboratory in Atlass. It was weak, just a hint coming from below the stone, and he extended his senses to discover that there was a very small room beneath the laboratory that he had somehow missed.

He certainly had been sloppy in carrying out his mission. Even if it was small, he should have caught it. But he had seen Zelgadis in that tank before he could do his duty properly. That had changed everything.

Below he found the remains of several brow demons, fairly saturated with the strange magic. Before, Xellos may have written it off as attempts to repeat Akahoushi Rezzo’s chimera experiment, but now he wasn’t so sure. Nyx had been controlled by an outside source, and this magic had destroyed her after he had captured her. It was possible that these were the remains of early experiments for that purpose.

The fact that they were brow demons was not lost on Xellos. He had observed with interest Rezzo’s control over Zelgadis, his crucial delay of Lina Inverse. It had, of course, snapped easily because of the youth’s human will—though the fact that the Red Priest had managed any sort of control in the first place had been a testament to his power. It had been a clear manipulation of the golem, and had caused his human third to fall into a trance-like state as he was being controlled.

Whether the sorcerers had somehow heard of that incident or had uncovered it accidentally while Zelgadis was being used as a research subject, Xellos didn’t know. What was clear was that they had discovered a way to control the brow demon, and were applying that discovery to higher Mazoku. Their experiments on Zelgadis had enabled this, and it was likely that they wanted to recapture him to perfect it. Already they had managed to control Mazoku as powerful as Nyx and Xiuh, and while it was an imperfect control the fact that it could be done was concerning on its own.

If Zelgadis were captured again and this technology was perfected, the Mazoku Lords would be at risk.  _He_  would be at risk. Even with this information, Xellos knew he would not be able to kill the chimera as he should.

No, things were not going well at all.

His search uncovered nothing else, and movement from the camp stilled his troubled thoughts. While his senses did not detect danger, he welcomed distraction. After completing the destruction from weeks before, he left the ruins and headed back to Ralteague.

He found Lina sitting by the fire, maintaining a barrier to keep out a freezing rain and muttering to herself. Amelia was curled up against her, sharing her cloak, sound asleep. Gourry was near her other side, close to the fire. Zelgadis was sitting against a tree, cradling his sword as he slept like a proper swordsman; he hadn’t moved since Xellos had left. All of them were fairly wet.

“Oh, my. The weather turned nasty quickly, didn’t it?” He appeared across the fire from Lina, who glared at him without surprise.

“I hadn’t noticed,” she muttered. “I mean, it only soaked our blankets and clothes.”

“They’re easily dried, Lina-san. With your magical capacity, you shouldn’t have a problem.” Xellos grinned. “Although you do tend to overdo things with magic, so perhaps it was more prudent not to accidentally burn everything.”

“Haha. Want me to  _Fireball_  you? Or would the Lord of Nightmares have an issue with Her General attacking Her Priest?”

_That_  surprised him and he knew he had been unsuccessful at hiding it when she laughed softly.

“Oh, please. As if it’s not obvious.” She shrugged as best she could without dislodging Amelia. “Well, at least to me. I’ve had plenty of time to think about it, you know.”

“I suppose I did drop hints,” Xellos murmured. He really should have known that she would figure it out on her own. After all, he  _had_  told her that she was the Golden Lord’s General, and the only way he could know that was if he was associated with Her as well.

Lina poked the fire with a stick for a while, sending sparks into the damp air. “What does She Want, Xellos? And why me? Hell, why  _you_?”

“Yare yare. Should I be insulted?” She scowled at him, and he sighed. “I’m afraid I haven’t figured out the answers to any of those questions yet, Lina-san.”

“Great. So we’re wandering around blind. That just figures.”

“It appears we’ll be working together for a while,” Xellos commented brightly. “Though I’ve found that ‘a while’ and mortal lifespans aren’t really synonymous.”

“Stuck working with you for the rest of my life? Man, I must have some awful karma.” He didn’t reply, and she poked at the fire more viciously. “So does She have something to do with what’s going on now? With Zel?”

“Those are two different questions, Lina-san.”

Lina closed her eyes. “So She’s Involved with one of them, but not the other. Which?”

Xellos winced inwardly. She was getting far too adept at figuring out what he was saying. “She Intervened and Allowed Zelgadis-san to live,” he said after a moment. “Without Her Intervention, I would not have been able to repair his soul.”

She stared at him, open-mouthed. “So Zel’s important to Her?”

He smiled weakly. “I think She was just Amused that I wanted to save him, actually.”

“You  _wanted_ —” Lina shook her head. “No, I can’t have this conversation. I’m too freaking tired to handle this.” She tossed the stick into the fire. “Can you do the barrier? If we don’t get sleep, we’re not going to be functional tomorrow.”

Xellos only nodded, though obeying felt strange. Giving Lina that much information also grated on him; he was used to feeding her half-truths and watching her scramble around to make sense of them. Sharing like this probably wasn’t wise, but she  _was_  entitled to it. They were both, after all, now serving the Mother of All, and doing anything less would be to go against Her.

He pulled several blankets from the Astral plane, where they had been since Zelgadis’ brush with death at the lake, and handed them to her. “I doubt getting sick would help, either.”

She gave him a slightly suspicious look before taking them, then jostled Amelia gently. The princess stirred and mumbled something unintelligible against Lina’s shoulder. “Yeah, I know. Xellos brought blankets, though.”

Amelia sat up slightly and Lina handed her a blanket, then poked Gourry with her toe hard enough to make him stir and tossed one at him. The sorceress glanced in Zelgadis’ direction and frowned.

“The rain didn’t wake him up. Do you think he needs one?”

Xellos ‘hmm’ed thoughtfully. “It would probably be best.”

Lina aborted her move to get up as Amelia slumped back against her shoulder, clutching the blanket like a stuffed animal and snoring softly.

“It doesn’t look as though she’s going to let you move,” he said lightly, before rising and pulling out another blanket. The chimera was fairly covered by his cloak and hood, the fur lining keeping him warm, but it was better safe than sorry. Xellos draped the heavy blanket around Zelgadis’ shoulders, using another for his legs.

By the time he was satisfied that Zelgadis was sufficiently covered, Lina was already curled under a blanket with Amelia, who she had apparently decided was too much trouble to dislodge. Her magical control over the barrier wavered as she fell asleep, and Xellos took over.

He settled near the fire again for a long night with nothing to do but think.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Twenty Seven_

Xellos spent the quiet hours of the night musing over the joke his life had become. The moment he had gained control of his destiny, a will of his own, he had managed to turn it upside down. The only thing he was certain about anymore was the need to destroy the sorcerers before they became even more of a threat—a matter of common sense. That he also felt the need to protect Zelgadis, however, was proof of how far he had fallen.

He poked at the fire idly as he thought. While the action wasn't really necessary—he could manipulate the blaze with his magic, after all—the mundane task was almost comforting in comparison to the problem at hand. By virtue of being alive, Zelgadis would be a continued threat to all Mazoku.

That alone had death sentence written all over it, and there was a level of species loyalty that nearly required Xellos to take that job himself. But he couldn’t bring himself to do so. That Xellos wanted so badly for the chimera to live was so alien that it threatened to drive him insane. Only a shaky amount of acceptance enabled him to keep his balance for any length of time.

Xellos glanced at Zelgadis, who had stayed so still throughout the night that he almost looked statuesque. If other Mazoku discovered this, it would become nearly impossible to protect him. Even if the sorcerers were destroyed, Xellos knew Zelgadis’ life would be in jeopardy if the Mazoku ever did realize the danger they had been in. The Mazoku would remove the threat of a copycat by destroying the basis of the research.

He realized he was stabbing at the fire almost violently when his actions sent embers popping into the air. Though the noise didn’t wake the others, he quietly slipped another bit of wood on the fire and left it alone. Zelas was close to finding out, and though she had promised that she would not kill him, there was no guarantee that she would not share the information with others who would. He needed to prevent her from uncovering the truth or she would find a way around her promise.

He looked up at the sky, smiling grimly. It was lighter than usual, polluted by the reflection of light off ice and snow. The stars seemed faded. He had allowed himself to slip into his old role again, acting as Zelas’ servant, her spy. Doing so, he had neglected the Mother of All, failing as Her Priest, Her Eye. He was Her agent first now, and that was even more of a priority than his loyalty to the Mazoku. His behavior disrespected Her, and that needed to stop.

He refused to allow Zelas to collar him any longer. If she were to discover the danger Zelgadis posed, the information Xellos was withholding, the fact that he could not kill the chimera despite that danger, whatever attachment she apparently felt would not matter. She would be honor-bound to destroy them both, Zelgadis to protect the Mazoku and Xellos as a traitor.

The situation needed to be contained. And, if possible, turned to his advantage.

After all, pitting Dolphin, Dynast, and Zelas against each other would remove quite a bit of danger to both himself and Zelgadis.

His will set, Xellos watched as Lina and Amelia fought over the blanket in their sleep. Somehow, even after Gourry started snoring, they kept sleeping. The weather had picked up, and he could see the dancing reflection of firelight glinting off ice-covered trees beyond the barrier. The falling sleet amplified and carried the firelight further than normal, and it gave the area an otherworldly aura.

When Zelgadis’ sleep was again disturbed by nightmares, Xellos had to quash the urge to go to him and soothe his sleep has he had in Seyruun. Where the nightmares should have amused him, he instead found himself concerned about their frequency. He ignored an awkward desire to take Zelgadis in his arms, to comfort him. Instead he set a pot of coffee in the embers to warm and waited.

Zelgadis woke with a gasp, struggling with the bedding briefly before waking sufficiently to calm whatever panic the dream had inspired. The chimera frowned at the blankets, then Xellos sensed a flutter of confused emotions—fear and anger at the forefront—as Zelgadis’ eyes found him.

Xellos poured a cup of coffee and held it out. He waited as Zelgadis regarded him warily; the sorcerer only moved when he saw Lina sleeping nearby. Even then, he stood as far away as possible when accepting the cup, then put the fire between them before sitting and taking a sip.

His actions were really only to be expected after Xellos’ folly in Seyruun, but the Mazoku was bothered by them nonetheless. The chimera wouldn’t even look at him, as though he were repelled by the sight of Xellos. The silence made him uncomfortable. To his disgust, he was almost elated when Zelgadis spoke, despite his harsh tone.

“Why are you hanging around?”

Xellos watched him for a moment, and the chimera shifted under his gaze and pulled his cloak more snugly about himself as though trying to shield his body from his gaze.

“Why, I’m surprised you didn’t notice the weather,” he finally said. “Poor Lina-san wouldn’t have gotten any sleep if she had kept this barrier up herself.”

Zelgadis glanced around, apparently noticing at last the layer of ice that covered everything, the sleet still falling, slowly morphing into a snow flurry. Then Xellos felt him reach out with his magic, putting it into the barrier. He resisted the odd impulse to embrace that magic with his own and instead pulled back.

“Now you can leave.”

Xellos forced a smile. “Yare yare. You’re well aware that’s not the only reason I’m here.” Zelgadis shuddered. “You are still in danger.”

“From you.”

“Zelgadis-san…” He drew out the name slightly, giving himself time to consider a response. He opted to ignore it. “Those sorcerers want to recapture you.”

“I hadn’t noticed.” Zelgadis sipped his coffee with a condescending air. He clearly intended to stick with pithy one-liners until Xellos gave up.

The priest sighed, dropping his false cheer. “That is not the only problem, you realize.” He glanced at Lina to make sure she was still asleep before continuing. “There are other factors.”

Zelgadis finally looked at him. “Are you actually going to share information this time?”

Xellos continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “While Zelas promised not to harm you”—his eyes widened at this—“if the Mazoku realize the risk of the sorcerers recapturing you, they are likely to remove that risk by destroying you.”

“Wait, what?” There was a new fear in Zelgadis’ eyes now, as though he realized the implications of Xellos’ words even as he asked for clarification. The Mazoku didn’t doubt that he did; he had always rivaled Lina’s genius in his own way. “How is this connected to the Mazoku? Why the hell would they care?”

Xellos considered how much information to give; he wasn’t comfortable telling him everything unless it became necessary. Revealing a weakness felt traitorous, but he had basically acknowledged to himself that by not killing Zelgadis he was a traitor. Was this any more disloyal? He had to protect both of them somehow.

Perhaps, in his own way, he really was just as foolish as Gaav.

“Some of their experiments could pose a threat if perfected,” he finally said cautiously.

“You’re a regular fount of information,” Zelgadis snapped. “That tells me exactly nothing. Fat help you are.”

He didn’t bother to respond, waiting as Zelgadis calmed down.

“ _You_  are Mazoku. You should kill me,” he finally said tonelessly.

Xellos stared at him, surprised. He was separating himself from the Mazoku, wasn’t he? He didn’t even want to consider the implications of that. “I already told you… I don’t _want_  to kill you.”

“Despite this danger?” Zelgadis frowned at him, studying his face. “Despite the fact that you should?”

“Yes.”

“ _Why_? What do you want from me?”

This time it was Xellos who found himself looking away from Zelgadis’ penetrating gaze. He didn’t know how to answer those questions; the truth seemed absurd even to him. He doubted the chimera would take it well, if he even believed it.

After a while, Zelgadis glared at him. “I want nothing to do with whatever plot you have going.”

“There is no plot,” Xellos said softly. “I would rather you live.”

“For now, maybe.” Zelgadis looked away. “I’m sick of you treating my life like it’s some kind of game. All you’ve ever done is use me for your own benefit, entertainment or whatever.” The anger had disappeared, and the simple hurt that replaced it surprised Xellos.

“Zelgadis-san—”

“I don’t even want to look at you anymore. Just go away, Xellos.”

Xellos complied, too troubled to try to convince the chimera that he didn’t see his life as a game, not anymore.

\--

Zelgadis was again leading the others through rural Ralteague, past farms and through increasingly wooded territory. The ice storm had hit the path, leaving a quarter-inch thick layer of ice over everything. Several times he’d been forced to  _Levitate_  out of deep snow after breaking through the ice. The others didn’t have that problem. They weren’t too far from the border of Lyzeille when he wordlessly detoured to into a town around midday so they could eat. He was still full from the ridiculously heavy meal the night before, and only ordered coffee.

Xellos hadn’t been back since before dawn, and Zelgadis was torn about his absence. As he watched the Lina, Gourry, and Amelia fight over food—the three of them consuming ridiculous amounts of it—he had to admit that despite what the bastard had done in Seyruun, he still trusted Xellos to help him. In the past several weeks, the Mazoku had proven time and again that he didn’t want him to die.

He sighed in frustration as Lina ordered another round of dessert. On the road, pushing his pace, he didn’t have to think. This time, try as he might, Zelgadis couldn’t think of any possible underlying purpose behind Xellos’ actions, especially if what he had said about his very existence being a danger to the Mazoku was true. He tried to tell himself that he didn’t think like a Mazoku and therefore wouldn’t necessarily be able to suss out the reasoning, but all he could think about was the look in those too-human eyes.  _I would rather you live._

Even if Xellos refused to see him die, to kill him as his duty to his race basically demanded, Zelgadis denied the emotion he had thought he had seen in those eyes, the very concept… No. There had to be an ulterior motive.

He was thankful when Lina finally let out a belch and declared she was stuffed; they could get moving again, and he could stop thinking.

They passed into Lyzeille about an hour before the sun began to dip below the horizon, lengthening shadows in the small forest they were hiking through. Even in the harsh light, when he saw the shadows flux and heard the sound of steel being drawn, he was ready to pull his own weapon, and his actions alerted his friends. He enhanced it with _Astral Vine_  only seconds before they were attacked.

At first, he mistook the ragtag group for bandits. When a long, black, serpentine mass rose from the shadows beneath him and lifted him into the air, he realized that they were mercenaries, a distraction. Even with the men attacking them, he heard both Lina and Amelia scream his name. The Mazoku pinned his arms to his sides and yanked him through the trees and into the sky with unbelievable speed. The  _Fireball_  Lina threw missed his attacker by a wide margin. The ice-covered branches ripped at his clothing, scratching at him with so much force that they actually left shallow cuts in his stone skin. He clung to his blade like a lifeline.

They cleared the trees. Zelgadis managed to twist his sword arm and strike, the Astrally-enhanced blade piercing the Mazoku. Its roar nearly deafened him, but instead of releasing him, the coils around him constricted painfully, so tight that he dropped his sword, his arms feeling as though they might break. He couldn’t breathe, and he began to panic. If he lost consciousness, there was no way he’d be able to avoid being captured. He started to murmur a spell, forcing the words out through sheer will-power, but there wasn’t enough breath in his lungs to finish it.

Zelgadis was only vaguely aware of a jolt before he was flung free, gasping in deep breaths of frigid air that burned his lungs. He recovered in time to realize he was seconds from smashing head-first into a tree at high speed. Like the rest, it was coated with a layer of ice that, at this speed, might as well be diamond. There was no time to cast _Raywing_  or any other sort of spell. His only option was to raise his arms to protect his head and brace himself.

What he hit was soft, warm, and unyielding. The impact knocked the wind out of Zelgadis, but he wasn’t surprised to discover that Xellos had caught him. Though his expression was pleasant, he oozed bloodlust. That bloodlust frightened Zelgadis, but overall he was relieved; Xellos had saved him again, even preventing a painful landing.

“Oh, dear. That could have been disastrous,” the Mazoku murmured, touching a stinging cut on Zelgadis’ face, removing a sliver of bark from the injury.

His touch was gentle, but the chimera flinched away. For a split second Xellos’ expression wavered. Then his arms tightened around Zelgadis and the world blurred as they dodged a blast of dark energy. When he regained his footing, it was literal; Xellos had brought him to the forest floor.

“I’ll deal with this one.” His hand was still on Zelgadis’ shoulder, a warm, almost comforting weight. For once Zel didn’t pull away, allowing the Mazoku to steady him as he reoriented himself. “I’m sure Lina-san would appreciate your help with those mercenaries, if she hasn’t blown them up already.”

Then he phased out in a violet-black shimmer.

Zelgadis found his sword only a few feet away. Xellos had taken him to it on purpose, he realized, ensuring he had a weapon even as he removed him from danger. He still felt a little off-balance and found that he missed the light warmth of Xellos’ hand on his shoulder, and that disturbed him. There was no time to consider this, he realized as he heard a small explosion in the distance, and he grabbed his sword and cast  _Raywing_  to join his friends.

Lina grinned at him when he touched down swinging, getting rid of a mercenary that was about to attack her from behind. “Nice of you to join us, Zel! Get rid of that Mazoku?”

“Xellos is taking it,” he replied. Then he cast  _Astral Vine_  and got to work. There were more mercenaries than he had realized—but, then, he hadn’t really had time to count before he’d been swept away.

Zelgadis faced his current opponents: three mercenaries, large, battle ready men with blood in their eyes. He blocked a strike from one and kicked another in the gut. As he dodged the third’s sword, he felt a disturbing mix of magic that froze him. Pure terror clawed at his heart. Cold voices washed over him, muffled as though he were hearing them from underwater, clinical. He couldn’t understand what they were saying, but he knew what would follow. Fear, pain, helplessness. He felt as though he were suffocating.

Something clanged against his skin, resonating in the air, and then he knew nothing.

\--

The relief Lina felt when Zel landed behind her couldn’t really be expressed, and it wasn’t because he’d just saved her ass. She resisted the urge to give him a huge hug. They were kind of in the middle of a battle, and that was more Amelia’s territory anyway.

Instead she sent another  _Fireball_  into a group of mercenaries; she, Amelia, and Gourry had managed to thin their numbers, but there were still enough left to give her a headache. At least Xellos had proved to be useful. He had, once again, helped Zel. There had been no way for her to get to him; if Xellos hadn’t come along, she didn’t know what would have happened. Assuming that had been the same Mazoku that had injured Zel so badly before, it was possible that she would’ve had trouble even if she’d managed to go after it.

Possible, but not likely. She was, after all, the beautiful sorcery genius!

An explosion of frankensteined magic hit her senses unexpectedly, and she barely missed being run through by an attacker. Gourry pulled her aside, then counterattacked. She glanced toward Zel, wondering if he’d felt that weird magic, only to find him standing still as three mercenaries swung swords at him. The blades clanged harmlessly against his stone skin, but he screamed as though he had been run through.

She readied a spell, running toward him with Amelia and Gourry. She was surprised when he moved so fast that he was nearly a blur. The mercenaries fell in his wake. Zel moved with a fluid grace, cutting them down without mercy, ruthless and efficient. They barely had time to scream before they died. Blood stained the snow and spattered on his torn clothing as he moved through the carnage, heedless of it.

Lina had never seen anything like it, and could only stare in shock, frozen. It was only when he turned to them, his eyes blank with no sign of recognition, that she moved, taking a step back. This wasn’t Zel, she knew. She had seen that look before, when Rezzo had forced him to attack them. He wasn’t in control, and she had no idea who was this time. This time he didn’t move like Rezzo’s puppet. He was a real threat. He lunged at them, swinging his sword at Amelia, and there wasn’t time to react.

But only a split second before his blow would have fallen, he crumpled, the sword flying from his hand. It left a deep cut in Amelia’s arm as it whizzed past them, skewering a mercenary before imbedding itself in a tree.

It took a moment for it to register, and she could only stare as Xellos caught Zel before he hit the ground. He had whacked Zel with his staff, she realized, with enough force to knock him out. He had saved Amelia’s life. The Mazoku murmured something lowly, and his power filled the air. Then there were little explosions all around them, leaving bloody stumps where the mercenaries had once had heads.

Amelia was the first to speak, but all she managed was “Xellos-san…”

“What happened?” Gourry asked. Lina didn’t have the urge to wallop him this time, in part because, given the circumstances, it wasn’t a stupid question. She didn’t understand some of what had happened herself.

Only then did Xellos even glance at them, and Lina flinched at the murderous look in his eyes. The eyes seemed too human to look that deadly. With the light from the sunset shining on him through the trees, he looked almost as though he was splashed with blood. He lifted Zel into his arms with a gentleness that seemed incongruous with the bloodlust that sang in the air, cradling him against his chest like a child.

“Come. There is shelter nearby.”

His voice was as cold as his eyes were deadly. Something had royally pissed him off, and Lina was almost afraid to find out what. She wondered if the flare of odd magic had anything to do with it, but he turned and walked away before she could ask. Lina stared at his back for a moment before following, pulling Gourry and Amelia with her.

She had questions, and she intended to get answers. But while she would have liked to say she’d beat the answers out of Xellos if she had to, with the look in his eyes she was—for once—more inclined to ask nicely and hope he shared.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Twenty Eight_

Amelia was barely aware of Lina steering her, the sorceress’s hand on her shoulder. Her arm stung, but she couldn’t focus enough to figure out why. She barely even felt the cold as they hiked after Xellos. Everything—even her own emotion—was numb.

The only thing she could think about was the emptiness in Zelgadis’ eyes, his face blank as he swung at her. There had been no recognition there, none of the gruff affection she was used to. Just… nothing. Like he was dead. The thought made her shiver, and she felt, dimly, Lina squeeze her shoulder gently, reassuringly.

Zelgadis’ aim always rang true; only Xellos’ intervention had saved her.

That thought jolted her out of the numbness. Xellos had  _saved_  her. He had, once again, proved that he was more likely to do good than evil, now that he wasn’t forced to bend to the will of a Mazoku Lord.

Amelia’s senses were able to discern her surroundings again with a suddenness that almost felt like jumping into cold water. They had stopped in a small ravine, taking shelter inside a little dip in the wall of the rock that would keep them relatively protected from the elements.

Night had fallen, and with the evergreen trees that lined the ravine blocking any light that may have come from the moon and stars, it was almost darker than dark. Gourry was starting a fire, and Xellos seemed to be examining Zelgadis’ head.

Amelia flinched when Lina prodded her arm none too gently. “Ah, you felt that. Good.” The sorceress looked concerned. “It’s pretty deep, Amelia, and it’s still bleeding a bit.”

She knew Lina was hesitant to cast White magic unless there wasn’t any other choice, but Amelia wasn’t concerned about her arm. “Zelgadis-san is injured.”

“He’s not bleeding all over the place,” Lina pointed out. Her body language made it clear that Amelia wouldn’t be going anywhere unless she healed herself.

She nodded and cast  _Recovery_  on her arm, feeling the flesh repair itself rapidly until the cut was gone. The only evidence that it had ever been there was the hole in her sleeve and the blood that stained it to her wrist. She felt a little hazy, tired, but she was determined.

Then Amelia stepped forward, only to find Xellos blocking her. “Xellos-san, I need to heal him.”

“Certainly. After he wakes.”

She stared at him, reproachful. “But he’s hurt  _now_!”

Xellos didn’t move. “I would prefer not to have to hit him again, Amelia-san.”

That gave her pause. She glanced at Zelgadis again, frowning. He was sprawled on his side, so limp that he looked almost like a broken doll. He certainly wasn’t a threat. “Why would you need to?”

A hand on her shoulder startled her and she glanced back to find Lina behind her. “Last time he acted like that it was because Rezzo was controlling him. Pain broke the control.”

Amelia couldn’t stifle a gasp. She hadn’t been with them during that battle, and had only heard about it. They’d always talked more about the battle with Shabranigdu, in part because Zelgadis didn’t like discussing his grandfather. Copy Rezzo hadn’t done anything like that.

Gourry looked up from cleaning the blood from Zelgadis’ sword. “When was that?” he asked, scratching his head.

“Before he released Shabranigdu, he put Zel under his control with that spell, and made him fight us.” She glanced back at Xellos. “Could someone else use that programming?”

“Realistically, Akahoushi Rezzo was probably manipulating his golem third,” Xellos commented, gaining the redhead’s full attention. “That isn’t exactly what happened here, but the effects are similar.”

Lina glared at him. “Explain.”

Xellos smiled at Lina slightly, in a way that made Amelia inexplicably nervous. “When he wakes.” He turned in her direction, and she couldn’t stop herself from flinching. “As you pointed out in Seyruun, Zelgadis-san does need to know what is happening. Now more than ever.”

Amelia shivered lightly, but gathered her courage, glancing behind him at Zelgadis’ still form. Whatever had happened was over for the moment. “Can I at least check his injuries? To make sure they’re not too bad?”

His smile abruptly became benign for the first time since the attack, and he stepped aside. “I suppose.”

She rushed past him immediately.

\--

Xellos watched, carefully keeping an amused expression on his face, as Amelia checked Zelgadis’ injuries. They were mild compared with what had happened in Seyruun, and already the small cuts in his skin were healing, but he had to admit to himself that he was concerned. He hadn’t meant to do any real damage when he hit the youth. Though he hadn’t seen a cut, there had been blood in his wiry hair.

“How long has he been unconscious?” Amelia’s voice wavered a bit.

“About twenty minutes.”

She glanced at him, frowning. “You hit him too hard, Xellos-san. He has a concussion.”

He shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “He does have quite a hard head. I suppose I could have waited for him to snap out of it on his own.” His smile widened as Amelia shivered lightly. “Though I doubt he would have appreciated that.”

Lina glared at him. “We’re not telling him what happened.”

Xellos opened one eye, regarding her in silence for a moment. She didn’t back down. “He’s hardly an idiot, Lina-san. He will realize it on his own, and I doubt he’ll enjoy being lied to.”

“Yeah. I guess he gets enough of that from you.”

He opened his other eye. This time Lina looked away, and he could feel her nervousness. “You’re well aware that I don’t lie, Lina-san. I haven’t done anything to warrant being insulted.”

“Like I need a reason,” Lina muttered. “You’ve done plenty to us to deserve it.”

“And I could do plenty more, yet I have not. I have, in fact, been helping you.”

She scowled at him. “Yeah, for now. But you always have an ulterior motive. I just haven’t figured it out yet.”

“If I had one, it would make my life much easier,” he admitted after a moment. “Perhaps that is one of the things we need to discuss.”

Lina studied him suspiciously, then apparently decided to drop it for the moment. She turned to Amelia. “Is he going to be okay?”

The princess nodded. “But if he’s unconscious much longer I’ll need to heal him or it could be dangerous.”

Xellos couldn’t stop himself from asking, “How long?”

She blinked at him, startled, then smiled. He found himself irritated at her affection. “Fifteen minutes at most, Xellos-san.”

“Good,” Lina said. “That’s plenty of time for you to start dinner. And while you’re doing that, Gourry can go get some firewood. We’re going to stay here for the night.”

Xellos knew that she was more worried that Zelgadis would attack again when he regained consciousness, and wanted Amelia out of harm’s way.

That fear wasn’t unfounded; it was, in fact, probable. Xellos hoped that the pain from the chimera’s head would snap him out of it. Zelgadis had been injured far too often lately, and he didn’t want to have to hit him again.

But if those fifteen minutes passed and he was still unconscious, he would probably have to after Amelia healed him.

To distract himself from that possibility, Xellos pulled blankets from the Astral realm again and handed them to Lina, who set them aside. Then he set a pot of tea to steep near the fire before returning to watch Zelgadis.

He was concerned about more than just Zelgadis’ immediate health. Zelas would have, by now, sensed Xiuh’s destruction, and it was certain that she would investigate. Xellos could, perhaps, deceive her. He could convince her through implication that Dolphin or Dynast was to blame and lead her away from the sorcerers, protect Zelgadis.

By a stroke of luck, the hybrid magic left no residue in higher level Mazoku, destroying their Astral bodies utterly. For the moment, his former mistress would have no clues to investigate, and might, by force of habit, trust him.

It felt strange to be thankful for something that should have caused concern.

Xellos found himself relieved when Zelgadis woke only a few minutes later. His terror continued past the unconsciousness, and unbridled violence was only prevented by pain. The injury Xellos had inflicted made sudden movements physically impossible. Even so, the youth nearly made it to his feet before collapsing back to his hands and knees, retching.

Amelia ran forward, but Xellos held out an arm to stop her, waiting. It wouldn’t do to have her rush into danger, into a situation he had prevented for Zelgadis’ sake.

The chimera coughed up what little was in his stomach, then slumped to the side with a groan. He lay there, panting and shivering, weakly clutching at his head. Only when the terror faded into agony did Xellos drop his arm and allow Amelia to pass.

\--

When Xellos stopped Amelia, Lina nearly exploded in rage. Zel had suffered enough, and was clearly in pain. She wanted to fireball the Mazoku. But before she could, he dropped his arm and let Amelia past. Lina realized that he had been making sure that Zel wasn’t… being manipulated or whatever was going on. He’d actually  _protected_  Amelia. Again.

Amelia rushed forward and knelt beside him, placing a hand on his forehead and casting Recovery. Zel murmured something that Lina couldn’t quite hear, and Amelia nodded. “I’m here, Zelgadis-san.”

Lina stepped up beside Xellos, watching as Amelia healed Zel. “You really better explain this to us, Xellos.”

Xellos glanced at her. She watched him, but there was no clue as to what he was thinking. Even his customary amusement was missing. That wasn’t exactly reassuring.

“I intend to.”

Zel pushed Amelia’s hand away. “I’m fine.” He sat up, then groaned and clutched his head.

Gourry set Zel’s sword aside and hurried over to help. “You’re not fine, Zel. Xellos hit you pretty hard.” He helped Zel to his feet with some difficulty and guided him toward the fire.

Only after Zel was seated, leaning back into a little alcove near the fire, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and a cup of the tea Xellos had made in his hands, did what Gourry had said seem to sink in.

He glanced at each of their faces in turn before asking, “What happened?”

Lina glanced at Xellos again, who kept his face hidden in shadows and didn’t answer. He apparently expected her to break the news. She glared at him before answering Zel. “It was like when Rezzo controlled you.”

Zel stared at her, and she looked away. She couldn’t face the horror she knew he was feeling at once again being used. Seeing his face the first time, after Rezzo, had been bad enough. When she found out who had done this, she was going to Dragon Slave them into the next dimension.

“I attacked you?” His voice wavered.

“Amelia-san,” Xellos chimed in. Lina scowled at him, but he ignored her.

Zel glanced toward Amelia, who avoided his gaze. His expression went blank when he saw the blood staining her sleeve. “You should go back to Seyruun. All of you.”

Lina stalked forward and smacked the back of his head. He dropped his teacup and winced. “I already told you! We’re not leaving you to deal with this alone!”

“Lina-san! Don’t hit his head!” Amelia glared at her, handing Zel another cup of tea.

She held her hands up apologetically, wincing. In her rage, she’d forgotten about his concussion. “Whoops.”

Zel put one hand to his face, grimacing. Shadows crossed his face, and not all of them were caused by the firelight. “Lina, if they figured out how to control me, it’s too dangerous. You could be killed…  _I_  could kill you!”

“But you didn’t!” she argued, angry.

“Xellos stopped you,” Gourry said.

He lowered his head, and his face was obscured by gleaming wire hair. “And if he’s not here to stop me next time?”

“We’ll be prepared, damn you! With Rezzo you came to your senses when I hit you, so we’ll be ready.”

She stared him down, but he wasn’t even looking at her. Lina wanted to smack some sense into him, but didn’t dare hit him; she was pissed, but she wasn’t willing to hurt him, not after everything he’d been through.

“Actually,” Xellos interjected, “Zelgadis-san was not being controlled.”

Lina turned to him, surprised—and more than a little angry that he hadn’t just said so in the first place.

Zel spoke before she could, his voice almost a snarl. “I would never attack Amelia!”

“I never said you would.” Xellos inclined his head, his features coming out of the shadows to reveal a bland expression that would have looked honest on anyone else. “However, if your reaction was any indication, you recognized the magic that was used.”

Gourry shook his head. “What magic?”

Lina frowned, but didn’t chastise the blond; he wasn’t great with recognizing magic since he couldn’t use it. “That weird blend of magic, right? It just kind of exploded right before Zel went nuts.”

“It felt a little like White magic,” Amelia mused. “But something had twisted it…”

“White, mixed with Astral. It destroyed the Mazoku from within.”

Xellos seemed to be studying Zel, and Lina looked at the shaman to find that he was shaking slightly. Her anger melted away at that, and though she wanted to refocus it on Xellos, instead she felt almost numb.

“It terrified you,” the Mazoku continued. “So much so that I believe you were reacting instinctively to perceived danger.”

No one spoke for a moment. Lina noticed it had started snowing again, hard. The wind picked up suddenly, blowing little whirls of snow around the ravine and making the fire bank violently. Lina cast a spell to put up a barrier, preserving what little shelter they had, then watched as Xellos approached Zel.

“You recognized it,” the Mazoku repeated.

Zel set his teacup down and pulled the blanket more snuggly around his shoulders. “Yes.”

Xellos crouched in front of him. “Did it jog your memory? Do you remember what they were doing?” His tone was gentle.

Zel looked pained, and Lina’s anger came crashing back. What the hell did Xellos think he was doing? “Quit tormenting him! You said you’d explain what’s going on, so—”

“Lina.” She was startled when Zel interrupted. He didn’t look at them. “They kept me heavily drugged, Xellos. What little I remember is vague, like voices without words. Feelings.” His voice was strained, agonized. “Nothing specific.”

Xellos cocked his head. “You had to remember something specific to invoke that much emotion.”

Zel’s eyes shut tightly. His face twitched. “Just pain,” he whispered, his voice devoid of inflection. “Suffocating pain, with no way to fight back. No way to stop it.”

“Zelgadis-san…” Amelia put her hand on Zel’s shoulder, but he shrugged it off.

“Please don’t touch me.” Her face fell, but she nodded and withdrew.

Lina exchanged a look with Gourry, who looked as worried as she felt. “Xellos, just tell us what’s going on. It’s cruel to make him relive that.”

The Mazoku actually looked apologetic. He stood and backed away from Zel, giving him space. “It was possible that he had remembered something important…”

“And he doesn’t. So talk.”

Xellos still hesitated. Lina grabbed him by his collar and shook him.

“Quit stalling!”

“He was hoping that I knew something so he wouldn’t have to talk,” Zel murmured. “Because if he tells us what’s going on, it’ll be betraying the Mazoku.”

Lina was so shocked that she let go of Xellos. “ _What_?”

“You’ve technically already betrayed them by not killing me.” Zel raised his head and fixed Xellos with an impassive stare. “Since my continued existence is somehow a threat because of those sorcerers. So if you’re not going to kill me, you might as well just tell us what’s going on.”

She had never seen Xellos look so unsettled before, and the expression only sharpened when he bowed his head, silently acknowledging Zel’s words as truth. Whatever was going on was a lot more serious than she had realized. She should have; the Mother of All had gotten involved, and that was never something to take lightly.

“So the Mazoku are after you?” Gourry asked, uncharacteristically grave.

Though the question was directed at Zel, it was Xellos who answered. “I have managed to keep what is going on from the other Lords, for the moment. But we don’t have much time before Zelas, at the least, realizes what is happening.”

“Wait, but wasn’t that a Mazoku that attacked him?” Gourry asked, scratching his head. “I could’ve sworn it was…”

Xellos sighed and took a seat across the fire from Zelgadis. “Those sorcerers were working on a way to control Mazoku. They probably wish to recapture Zelgadis-san to perfect it.”

Lina stared at him, then sat down heavily herself. In the wrong hands, that power was dangerous; she wouldn’t even trust it in the right hands. “So that Mazoku was being controlled? By  _humans_? I didn’t think that was even possible!”

“It shouldn’t be.” Xellos’ face was creased with displeasure, and the shadows cast by the fire made him look almost ancient. “However, they either heard about the Red Priest’s control over Zelgadis-san, or they managed to accidentally replicate it after they captured him—though they discovered a way to manipulate the brow demon instead of just the golem.”

Zel frowned. “How did you figure all this out?”

“I revisited the laboratory in Dils. There was evidence of experimentation on brow demons. As embarrassing as it may be, brow demons are lesser Mazoku. It is possible that, with research, these sorcerers could control the Lords.” He hesitated for a moment before continuing. “The Mazoku that attacked was one of the Greater Beast’s few remaining high-level minions. She will investigate this, and I cannot stall her for much longer. If she discovers this…”

Zel smiled bitterly. “She’ll kill me, and probably you,” he finished for Xellos.

Lina pulled her cloak more snuggly about herself, though she knew that it wasn’t the cold that made her shiver. Xellos hadn’t simply given them information on a Mazoku weakness; he had just betrayed his former mistress. He’d just proved his independence—not only from her, but from his own race—and under the circumstances she was more disquieted than relieved. She felt as though the world had been tilted.

“Why are you helping, Xellos? Zel’s right. Just telling us this makes you a traitor to the Mazoku.”

Xellos leaned toward the fire, letting his hair fall forward and veil his face. “As I told you in Seyruun, my motivations are my own.”

Lina scowled; that answer wasn’t cutting it anymore, but she doubted pressing Xellos would make him talk.

“So I was right!” Amelia cheered, smiling happily. They glanced at her, startled. “Given the choice, you really are more likely to choose good instead of evil!”

Xellos snapped his head up, and Lina felt as though she had fallen onto a beehive, like dozens of bees were stinging her all over. Pure bloodlust shrouded his eyes. They were far more terrifying than before—human, but without the humanity. Gourry’s hand strayed to his sword instinctively. Amelia eyes widened impossibly.

The Mazoku glared at Amelia for several seconds before a strange look that Lina couldn’t decipher crossed his face briefly. Xellos’ eyes flickered toward Zel, and Lina spared a glance. Zel had pressed his body back into the alcove as far as possible, his eyes clenched shut. Before Lina could wonder about that, Xellos disappeared in a shimmer of purple.

The feeling disappeared with him, but it was several minutes before Lina could speak again. “Amelia, that was a  _really_  dumb thing to say.”

“But it’s true! And he didn’t react like that when I said it in Seyruun.”

That caught Zel’s attention. “You said that to him in Seyruun?”

There was a strange tremor in his voice, and Lina watched him, frowning. He looked more shaken than she would have expected normally.

“He took care of you, Zelgadis-san.”

Zel seemed to notice Lina’s gaze and stood shakily, moving away from the fire, deeper in the dip in the cliff. “Xellos is Mazoku,” he said after a moment, his face shadowed and unreadable. “You just insulted him.”

“But he’s doing good deeds!”

Zel didn’t reply, instead choosing a relatively level bit of ground and spreading his blanket on it. Lina wanted to find out what Xellos had done in Seyruun, but she could see that he was done for the night, and she certainly didn’t intend to press the issue.

Instead she put a hand on Amelia’s shoulder. “Pointing it out isn’t a good idea. You’re lucky he left.” The princess shivered; clearly she hadn’t forgotten exactly how dangerous Xellos could be. “Let’s have dinner and get some sleep, okay?”

Amelia nodded and turned back to the fire. Gourry joined her, pulling out plates.

When Lina glanced at Zel she found that he was already curled in the blanket, his hair the only part of him that was visible. He was, presumably, asleep—or pretending to be, anyway. She covered him with a second blanket, then stared out into the darkness at the deteriorating weather.

She had a feeling that things were only going to get worse from here.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Twenty Nine_

The wind had picked up since daybreak, whipping snow and frigid air across the countryside. They had very little shelter, even within copses of trees. The wind blew between their trunks unimpeded, buffeting them mercilessly. Zelgadis could only hope it wasn’t a prelude to another storm, but given that it was still snowing, he doubted they were that lucky.

It hadn’t been easy for Zelgadis to get moving at the crack of dawn like he had, forcing himself to lead the way toward distant Atlass. His body wanted him to sleep, to shut down for a while so it could heal. He tried to ignore the aches, but it was becoming more difficult as the day wore on. His vision started going hazy on occasion only an hour into the morning trek, disorienting him and exhausting him further.

They couldn’t afford any more delays. He’d known that he was in danger, and that by following him so were Lina, Amelia, and Gourry. He hadn’t expected that Xellos might also be at risk from the sorcerers. Or that he would betray his own race and put himself in further jeopardy to help Zelgadis. He knew full well that Zelas would kill Xellos herself if she figured out what he had done.

Zelgadis was too exhausted to make sense of Xellos’ actions. He now knew the reason for the assault in Seyruun; it wasn’t a defensible reason but at least it wasn’t what he had originally thought. But he couldn’t figure out why Xellos seemed so concerned for his life. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know, anyway.

What he did know was that he owed Xellos, whether he liked it or not. He knew that he had to push through, that they had to destroy the sorcerers before it was too late for all of them.

The problem was that despite the urgency of the situation, he couldn’t make his body cooperate. Already Lina and the others had silently slowed their pace for him several times. Amelia kept looking at him in concern. He didn’t have another wind to rely on; he had no energy left. The blurs on the edges of his vision no longer disappeared when he tried blinking them away.

He was fading, and fast.

“He still hasn’t recovered from the attack in Seyruun,” he heard Amelia whisper to Lina.

Xellos appeared nearby, startling Zel. “And the attack last night took what energy he had.” The Mazoku wasn’t trying to keep his voice down.

Zelgadis glared at him. He was well aware that hadn’t allowed enough time after the attack in Seyruun; he had started off too early, had pushed himself too hard. Admitting it and rectifying the problem was a luxury they didn’t have time for.

“I’ll recover as we move,” he muttered, though he knew it was a lie.

Xellos seemed to know that, too. He only glanced at him with a little frown before turning to Lina. “Though it would be better to move faster, at this rate you will not be far enough north to miss the coming storm.”

“Damn! Another storm?” Lina scowled when Xellos nodded. “How long until it hits?”

“A day at most. It may be best if you stay at the next town.”

Zelgadis managed to catch up to them. “We don’t have time for that.”

“Zelgadis-san, we don’t have a choice,” Amelia said softly. “At least you’ll have time to rest.”

He shook his head, stubborn; they really didn’t have the time. Every day that passed put them all in more danger. The sorcerers might have human limitations, granting them a bit of a reprieve in the storm, but Mazoku had no such limitations. A delay would give them time to uncover the danger he was to them, and Xellos’ betrayal.

“If we use  _Raywing_ —” he started, but Lina cut him off.

“You don’t have enough energy to even  _Raywing_  to the next town, Zel,” the sorceress said with her usual bluntness. “From the look of it, you’ll be lucky not to collapse before we get there anyway.”

“We can’t afford the delay.” Zelgadis glared at her, refusing to yield even though he knew that she was right.

Lina scowled right back. “What we can’t afford is for you to be in this condition if we have to fight.”

Zelgadis was considering a response when his vision went white momentarily and he stumbled into Gourry. The swordsman steadied him without comment.

“See?” When his vision cleared she was grinning at him smugly, but he could tell she was also concerned. “Like it or not, we’re stopping in the next town to wait out the storm. And we both know that even if you wanted to ignore me and run off on your own, you’re in no state to even try it.”

Trying to argue was pointless, and he couldn’t think of a witty rejoinder anyway. Instead he pressed on toward town without comment. He made it another half-mile before he stumbled again, and Xellos silently pressed a walking staff into his hand. His muddled mind realized that it was the one he’d left behind somewhere. He took it, almost grateful for the help. Even if it was from Xellos.

The town was in sight, only another few miles ahead, when the aches in his limbs started to fade into numbness. Zelgadis struggled another ten minutes or so on pure desperation before his vision dimmed. He lost his grip on the staff and fell face-first into the snow.

Someone turned him over. He opened his eyes, but all he could see was blurs of colors surrounded by a white so vivid that it burned. Zel blinked a few times, trying to clear his vision, but could only barely make out hazy figures. Pale skin, he could tell, crowned with blobs of purple and black—Xellos and Amelia.

Amelia reached forward, putting her hand on his forehead. Her spell forced him to give in to his exhaustion.

It was almost a relief to let the spell drag him into oblivion.

\--

Lina had kept her suspicions to herself, though they had niggled at her all night and especially today. It was Xellos who had carried Zelgadis to town, in the same way he’d carried him to shelter the night before, like Zel was something precious to him. The Mazoku hadn’t even made them ask; immediately after Amelia’s spell had taken effect, he’d lifted Zel into his arms and started moving without a word to any of them.

Amelia had insisted that Xellos and Gourry change Zel into the pajamas provided by the inn, and had dragged Lina along to the local tailor. If they dropped his torn and bloody clothing off before the storm hit, the princess reasoned, surely they would be mended and cleaned by the time the weather had cleared enough for them to travel.

Lina was of the opinion that this particular tailor would likely use the weather as an excuse to drink, that they would likely see him at the inn at various points during the storm, and that whatever mending and cleaning he did manage would be haphazard and last-minute, but she didn’t bother to argue. They didn’t exactly have many options in such a small village.

When they got back, she had an early lunch with Amelia and Gourry, finally replenishing the energy she’d lost in the battle the day before. Then she left them to their own devices and went upstairs to have a little chat with Xellos. Like it or not, she had to find out of her suspicions were correct.

She only wished she knew what to do if they were.

Xellos was seated on the bed, one hand touching Zel’s forehead, when she came in. He didn’t bother moving, and he’d surely felt her headed up here with the confused emotions she was feeling. Instead he was focused entirely on Zelgadis, his face unreadable. For a long moment, Lina could only watch as Xellos ran his thumb across the chimera’s brow in slow circular motions. Then she shook herself and closed the door behind her.

“He’s having nightmares,” Xellos murmured, not even looking up. “He seems to have them rather frequently.”

It took a moment for that to register, and then the realization nearly floored her. He was  _soothing_  Zel, and that alone pretty much confirmed her suspicions. But if Zel was having nightmares…

Lina glared at him. “Under the circumstances, you can hardly blame him. He wouldn’t be having them if you hadn’t taken the  _Sleeping_  spell off of him.”

Xellos finally looked up, frowning. “He would not appreciate it if he were to wake up in captivity. ‘Under the circumstances,’ Lina-san, he needs to be able to defend himself.” The Mazoku removed his hand. Zel’s brow immediately furrowed, and he replaced it with a sigh. “Even with the nightmares, it’s unlikely that he’ll need the spell. He’s completely exhausted.”

He was right, of course, but Lina didn’t have to like it. She was also a little worried about the way Zel was reacting to his touch. Soothing or not, he had moved into it, curled closer to Xellos in his sleep. And she didn’t exactly trust Xellos not to take advantage of that.

“If you take advantage of him…”

She stopped, not sure whether she was phrasing it right, and not sure if she really could threaten him. She didn’t think L-sama would let her kill Xellos even if she wanted to, if he was right about the new roles that had been foisted upon them.

“He doesn’t need any more shit to deal with,” she finished.

“I don’t intend to hurt him, Lina-san.”

His voice was soft, and he was looking at Zel again, with an expression on his face that she could only describe as wistful, like he knew he already had hurt him. Lina had to force herself to press on.

“And if he doesn’t want you?” Blunt, maybe, but necessary.

Xellos bowed his head so that his face was shadowed, but she caught his expression before he did: pain. If she’d needed any more evidence, that was it. He didn’t answer for a moment.

“I can do nothing to change that,” he whispered. His hand strayed into Zel’s hair, brushing at it gently in almost a strumming motion. “It’s rather likely that he hates me, after what I’ve done.”

Lina wasn’t quite sure what to say to that. Xellos looked up finally, with a smile that seemed crooked, as though he couldn’t even fake it.

“All I can do is protect him, Lina-san. And I’m afraid I haven’t done a very good job of that.”

Lina didn’t know what she’d been expecting—maybe an attempt to deny it without actually denying it, some sort of wordplay, or even just plain anger—but she hadn’t expected this... seeming honesty. He wasn’t even trying to pretend.

She’d never really seen him as a person, just an irritation who was sometimes useful, sometimes dangerous. But now she didn’t think she’d ever be able to unsee this melancholic version of Xellos. All she could see now was a person who wanted nothing more than to protect someone he cared about, but knew he was failing.

While she watched, speechless, Xellos took his hand from Zel’s forehead again. The chimera didn’t stir, and he looked at her.

“I can’t stay, Lina-san.”

“Where are you going?”

He sighed softly. “I may be able to… mislead Zelas. To buy time.”

Lina bit her lip; she was afraid to ask what would happen if he failed, but he answered her unspoken question anyway.

“If I don’t return, assume the worst. She’ll come after Zelgadis-san, and I’m sure Dynast and Dolphin won’t be far behind.”

“I can’t fight all of them,” she whispered.

Lina wanted to believe she could—after all, she’d taken down a bunch of tough players over the years—but she knew she’d be no match for three Mazoku Lords. The only way she’d be able to fight them was if they attacked one at a time, and even then only if the Golden Lord threw Her weight behind her. And she knew well enough that she couldn’t necessarily count on either.

Xellos nodded. “That is one reason he wanted you to leave.”

She shook her head. “I’m sticking around, no matter what happens. And if I destroy the world trying to protect him, so be it.”

“You would use that power?” He looked surprised when she nodded. “That may not be wise…”

“Maybe not.” Lina frowned at him. “But whatever these sorcerers are doing is dangerous. We don’t know what their goals are, but I’m betting it isn’t something any of us are going to like much.”

“There is no guarantee that She will Allow you to use it.”

“I didn’t exactly use it the first time. She used me as a vessel for it.” Lina would’ve loved to say she’d been the one to control it, but she knew she hadn’t. “You said She’s already interfered, so maybe She will again.”

Xellos didn’t reply, but she could remember him once telling her that the Golden Lord was capricious. She didn’t need him to tell her that this might be one of those times—that whatever fancy may have led Her to save Zel might not be around next time.

There was nothing she hated more than not being in charge of her own destiny. She wasn’t exactly comfortable in her new position as Her General, if that was even the case, and she doubted he was with his, either. They didn’t know what She wanted. It could easily be something just as bad as whatever the sorcerers had planned.

And whatever happened was going to, more likely than not, impact Zel directly.

He was still asleep, undisturbed by their conversation. She’d watched him sleep before, and it always surprised her how different he looked without the worry lines that seemed to be almost etched into his face when he was conscious. In sleep, his brow was smoothed and untroubled unless he dreamed.

“We don’t even know why they want Zel back,” she said softly.

“Or how they keep finding him,” Xellos added thoughtfully. “They may have guessed that he would be in Seyruun, but in the library? Those mercenaries also found us rather quickly.”

She knew what he was getting at. “Gourry’ll be staying in here with him. We’ll make sure he’s never alone, just in case.”

Xellos nodded and, she noticed, looked one last time at Zel before he stood.

“Good luck,” Lina whispered, and he nodded before he disappeared.

\--

Xellos had to take some time to steel himself before going to Zelas. He had never even considered misleading her—couldn’t consider it, such an alien idea! But here he was, preparing to do just that.

Even after he retreated to the Astral plane, he kept his senses focused on Zelgadis. On the chimera’s peaceful, even breaths, his relaxed muscles, the slight movement of his eyes behind closed lids, his heartbeat.

If he failed to mislead Zelas, that breath, the heartbeat, all movement, all life, would cease. She would not suffer him to live—would, in fact, gladly kill him, using the convenient excuse to eradicate the human she held responsible for the loss of her priest.

The very idea of the shaman’s body cold and lifeless chilled him. Xellos had managed to keep him alive only through a combination of sheer stubborn determination and dumb luck. Remembering him so near death in Seyruun, watching him sleep now after carrying his exhausted body to the inn… It steeled his nerves for what he had to do.

He had to protect Zelgadis.

Xellos kept the image of the chimera’s bloody, singed, near-lifeless body laying in the rubble in his mind when he reached out to Zelas. He found her waiting—and anxious.

She didn’t bother to hide it when he appeared before her. He was relieved that she wasn’t angry or suspicious; her current state of mind could make it easier to mislead her.

“Xiuh is destroyed,” she said. It wasn’t a question, and Xellos acknowledged it as the truth with a short nod. “How?”

He shook his head. “Same as before. Sorcerers blending magicks. It destroyed him in the same way as Nyx.”

Xellos was surprised at Zelas’ dejection, but he supposed it was to be expected. She had, after all, lost her two remaining high-level servants, which diminished her power even further. Even if Nyx and Xiuh had been nowhere near the level of priest and general, they had represented much of her remaining force after losing him.

He almost pitied her—and would have, had Zelgadis’ life not been hanging in the balance.

Xellos chose his words carefully. “It is… concerning that the sorcerers were able to control Mazoku as powerful as them. Previously, it seemed to be mostly low-level monsters.”

Zelas turned her lupine gaze on him, and he pressed on.

“I am still looking into the matter, but it is possible that something non-human is behind this…”

“Dragons? But they are nearly extinct. They have stayed ensconced at Dragon’s Peak for centuries,” Zelas mused.

Xellos hadn’t expected this direction, but it would give him another way to distract her.

“Possibly, but you are the one who has lost servants. It could be that they are being used as a weapon.” He paused, pleased when she seemed to catch on. “It is possible that the dragons are responsible. It is equally possible that your remaining siblings hope to destroy us during a perceived moment of vulnerability.”

To his relief, her smile—cruel and anticipatory—seemed genuine. “They do not yet realize that we can ally against them,” she mused.

The implication, her trust in him as her former servant, troubled him. “I do not yet know for certain…” he murmured.

“Do you believe it is true?” Zelas asked.

Had Xellos had breath, it would have caught. It was a question that required a direct answer—a simple yes or no that he would have easily given in the past. But now, the truth would result in Zelgadis’ death.

“Yes.”

It was out of his mouth before he could stop it. A bald-faced lie. The first in his existence.

He felt ill, even as Zelas took his answer for truth—she had no reason to doubt him, or so she thought. Zelgadis was safe, for the moment.

But at the cost of this… It was almost physically painful to have lied, even to protect him.

Mazoku were not supposed to be able to lie directly. Mislead, certainly. But lies were a sign of weakness that ate at the pride that supported their power and kept them in existence.

And yet he had done it, and not even to save himself. Admitting the truth would have enabled him to walk away now. But he had lied to save Zelgadis.

He was glad that, over the centuries, he had learned to shield his own emotions from perception. Only that allowed him to keep up appearances with his former master, to assure her that he was looking into it and would keep her informed—so close to another lie it too was painful.

He left the moment it would not appear suspicious, but he couldn’t will himself onto the mortal plane. Not yet.

Xellos drifted in the Astral plane, searching within himself for he knew not what. He had no idea what he had just done, but he suspected it was more appropriate to ask a far more concerning question:

What had he become?


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Thirty_

It was disconcerting, almost dizzying, to wake feeling warm after falling unconscious in the snow. The warmth cushioned him, shielded his senses, leaving him floating in a comfortable, sleepy void.

Slowly, sensations and sounds broke through, fuzzy at first, but then becoming more specific. The feeling of a springy mattress and a heavy blanket. The sound of familiar snoring—Gourry’s—nearby. The more distant rattle of a window and muffled whistle of wind.

Zelgadis resisted waking, wanting to return to that safe, quiet, comfortingly warm void for a while, but other sensations were breaking through—an urgent need to use the facilities and ravenous hunger at the forefront.

When he managed to force his eyes open, he found himself staring at another unfamiliar ceiling. Gourry was spread-eagle atop the covers beside him sleeping, which certainly explained the proximity of the snoring, and beyond the window was an undulating wall of white, which meant they likely had a few more days of storm to go. Zel wasn’t thrilled with the idea of a stall—they were operating on borrowed time. At any moment, the remaining Mazoku lords might realize what was going on, and then…

Xellos, he realized, was absent. It was one of the first times in recent memory he had woken without the Mazoku nearby. He wasn’t quite sure how to feel about that, but he pushed the matter to the back of his mind for the moment.

He sat up slowly, trying not to jostle the blond, and was a bit amazed to find that it wasn’t a struggle against complete exhaustion. He was still tired—though by the time they could travel again he’d likely be recovered, barring another attack—but not to the point where he could barely move. He just wasn’t particularly up to moving quickly. Or far, for that matter. At least he was able to make it to the facilities adjoining their room without too much difficulty.

By the time he got out of the bathroom, Gourry was sitting up. Zel was surprised to see the relief on his face—but, then, Gourry could sleep through an earthquake and had likely been concerned by his absence. His concern was within the realm of possibilities, and that was a sobering thought.

“They didn’t get me,” Zel murmured.

The blond rubbed the back of his head and grinned sheepishly. “I wasn’t supposed to fall asleep. Sorry.”

Zel shrugged uncomfortably. He didn’t like the idea that he had to be protected like some sort of damsel in distress, but what really bothered him was that it was true. Under the circumstances, he wouldn’t have been able to defend himself—or even resist—and that feeling of weakness was really the problem. Gourry might not have been able to fight effectively against Mazoku without magic, but he did feel better knowing the blond could at least raise the alarm. Thinking about it, the shaman wasn’t sure whether there was imminent danger, given that the other Mazoku had been destroyed, and the rest of their attackers had been human. Perhaps the storm actually was a boon. Xellos would likely know… but was trusting him wise?

Despite his nature, the Mazoku had saved his life on multiple occasions of late, had protected him from attacks, had even attempted to keep him healthy—and often at great personal risk and against his own race’s interests. How often had Zel woken to find Xellos watching over him or nearby, an oddly protective figure? The Mazoku had admitted he didn’t want to kill him, had stated outright he would rather Zelgadis live. His troubled face, trying to help him in the Armory, as vague and shadowy as the memory was, popped into Zel’s mind, the words he had spoken…  _‘Because I wanted to.’_

But  _why_?

Or was Zelgadis searching for an ulterior motive that didn’t exist? If true, it was unfamiliar territory, troubling. Lately Zel had been dealing with nothing but trouble.

Gourry broke a silence that the chimera hadn’t realized was stretching between them. “I bet you’re hungry. I can go get something for you.”

Zel shook his head; he knew he didn’t want to be caught without back-up, even if he was awake. “I can get dressed.”

“Er…” Gourry looked uncomfortable again. “Your clothes are at a tailor.”

Zel sighed. He should have expected that, after the past few days. His clothing had been torn apart in those battles. And, unfortunately, it wasn’t like any of them carried extra clothing, which meant he only had the inn’s pajamas to wear and no ability to disguise his features. Ergo, he was stuck in this room for the duration of the storm. He didn’t want or need any more problems than he already had.

“You needn’t worry, Gourry-san.”

To Zel’s annoyance, he was the only one to jump. Gourry didn’t seem surprised in the least by Xellos’ sudden appearance. Go figure. The Mazoku beamed at him, probably amused at startling him. He tried to ignore the fact that his presence was reassuring, though Xellos could probably sense it anyway.

“You don’t have to go anywhere else, Xellos?”

Gourry made it sound like he’d been in and out and running errands, and Zel wondered what exactly he had missed—and whether anyone intended to clue him in. And did he want to know, at this point?

From the conversation after the last battle, Zel could only guess it had something to do with stalling Beastmaster, as insane as that sounded, regardless of the fact that he was no longer her servant. Stalling his former master from discovering the danger Zel’s existence posed to them? He wasn’t sure he could see the Mazoku logic in that, not that he’d ever been very good at understanding their motivations—and especially Xellos’.

Xellos was a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.

Zelgadis was too tired to deal with this, too tired to think about everything that had happened, about Xellos’ mysterious comment,  _‘My motivations are my own.’_  Why would he feel a motivation to help Zel, to protect him? There was something more there, but the chimera just didn’t have the focus to think on it. At this point, he was relieved to know Xellos wasn’t an enemy at the moment—and that what had happened in Seyruun had a cause he could now understand and hopefully avoid.

“For the moment, no.” The Mazoku leaned his staff against the wall and took a seat in the rickety old armchair provided by the inn, clearly indicating he intended to stay.

“Okay, then!” Gourry headed to the door. “I’ll get some food and be back, okay, Zel?”

He didn’t wait for the chimera to reply before disappearing into the hallway, leaving Zelgadis alone with Xellos.

\--

Xellos studied Zelgadis in silence, allowing it to stretch between them for a while. It was punctuated only by the slight rattle of the storm against the window. Sleep had clearly helped the youth, but the exhaustion was still present. With everything that had happened to him in the past few weeks—to say nothing of what may have occurred when he was in the clutches of the sorcerers—he was in severe need of time to recover. It seemed, fortunately, this storm might provide just that.

Zelgadis’ emotions were an interesting mix, a bit difficult to interpret, but near the forefront was a healthy amount of curiosity, as well as irritation and a sort of tense fear, vulnerability. But not toward him—he was pleasantly surprised to realize there was a hint of trust on that avenue, despite Xellos’ mistakes. The shaman’s trust sealed the decision he had come to.

He waited until the chimera shifted on his feet, radiating discomfort with being scrutinized, to speak.

“It seems the storm has cut us off from the sorcerers, Zelgadis-san. They can make no moves until it has cleared.”

His relief was palpable, and the tension Xellos had taken note of dissipated a bit. Zelgadis’ concern about danger was not unexpected. The youth had to be tired of this situation; normally Lina was the one being targeted, not him.

“They are only human, after all. And it seems they have not been able to procure more Mazoku to control. And the Greater Beast has uncovered nothing.”

There was an unspoken yet that hung after that sentence. As much as Xellos was loathe to admit it, the sorcerers seemed to have the means, given time. He felt comfortable speaking of his former master only because he had taken pains to shield the area; they would not be overheard. He didn’t speak the rest, that Zelas had trusted him to uncover exactly what he was hiding from her. That he had  _lied_  to her. Lied for him.

Zelgadis, of course, was not one to leave that unspoken. “Yet.”

Xellos acknowledged the truth with a brief nod, and the response was a sigh. The emotions behind it contained multitudes, but exhaustion was at the forefront, and Xellos gestured for the youth to sit on the bed, mildly surprised when he did just that. It was a heavy gesture, one followed again by a silence Xellos was content to allow to stretch. He knew Zelgadis had questions, and he did deserve answers.

Of course, when he did ask, it was an all-encompassing question.

“What now?” The youth didn’t look at him, instead gazing at the window, beyond which was a chaos of white.

Much could be said in answer to that question; the maelstrom of emotions he could sense from Zelgadis didn’t give him much direction. The question was open enough to allow for multiple different interpretations. It was almost as though he was letting the Mazoku decide what to share; that was a bit dangerous, under the circumstances.

Xellos was tempted to tell the chimera everything, plainly and openly, without riddles or vague hints. What had led to his freedom from Zelas; his bizarre encounter with the Lord of Nightmares and the Thoughts She had Imparted upon him; his lie to his former master and how he was actually misleading her to believe he was allied with her; even the why behind that—his confusing desire to protect Zelgadis despite its conflict with his nature…

But that would hardly allow Zelgadis to do what he absolutely needed to: rest. Zelgadis had come closer to death than Xellos had ever seen him in Seyruun, mere days ago. The fact that he had pushed himself afterward to this extent was a testament to his will. The shaman didn’t need the added stress of the issues impacting Xellos. Xellos had his well-being, his continued survival, to consider.

“You recover,” he answered, finally deciding upon the literal chronological interpretation of the question. All else could wait. “Use this time to rest and heal and prepare. I do not believe you ever fully recovered from your captivity, Zelgadis-san.” He hesitated briefly, hoping not to remind of his mistake. “And especially since the attack in Seyruun.”

The chimera frowned, but Xellos could sense he knew that was likely the case—and, surprisingly, his emotions indicated he was thinking of Xiuh’s attack, not what had happened afterward. A small blessing.

After a moment, Zelgadis nodded. He had accepted the Mazoku’s reading of the question. “And then?”

Xellos tempered his anticipation, the bloodlust at the thought of what would absolutely come next. Regardless of what had been done to Zelgadis, the group behind this little experiment would need to be destroyed; because of what they had done, Xellos yearned more strongly for their destruction. Even more—if it were possible to erase all evidence they had ever existed, he would gladly do so.

“Once the storm has passed, we will find the sorcerers. We will end them.”

He didn’t quite manage to erase the anger from his voice, and was briefly concerned it might frighten Zelgadis, might erase the feeling of trust and reassurance at Xellos’ presence from the shaman’s emotions. But instead he sensed a sort of relieved anticipation, watched as Zelgadis’ jaw clenched in what might have been a smile, and Xellos realized something had changed somehow between them, something he had managed not to notice. He couldn’t interpret those emotions into useful information. Perhaps the chimera was simply anticipating an end to these troubles?

“Good,” Zelgadis murmured, his body settling against the headboard. He seemed content with this answer, not concerned with what might come after the deaths of the sorcerers, or the other implications and possibilities of his question which the Mazoku had not addressed.

Xellos could feel the youth’s emotions numbing, fatigue taking over again, and he stayed quiet to allow it. After Zelgadis’ current predicament had been dealt with… perhaps then he would be able to truly answer some of the other aspects of the shaman’s question.

By the time Gourry returned with food, the chimera had dozed off with his head against the window frame. He woke long enough to eat almost methodically, automatically, then crawled back under the blankets to sleep without prompting, giving in to the exhaustion and quickly passing into sleep.

Zelgadis seemed to feel safe enough to rest after their discussion, and Xellos would ensure he remained safe. None would disturb him.

Gourry headed toward the bed, then hesitated, glancing at Xellos. Lina had tasked him with watching over Zelgadis, Xellos realized.

“I will stay, Gourry-san. Get some rest.”

It would do no good, after all, for the blond to be exhausted; his skill with the sword was useful in battle, and they would likely face more of them. He would be ineffective against any Mazoku threat which might appear while Zelgadis slept, anyway.

Gourry didn’t bother getting underneath the blankets, instead lying atop them next to Zelgadis. He, too, was quickly asleep, though that was hardly unusual for Gourry.

Night found Xellos watching Zelgadis curled in a healing sleep, undisturbed despite the loud snoring from his companion.

He knew it would be prudent to plan, perhaps untangle more of the Thoughts of the Golden Lord, but it was oddly comforting to watch the shaman sleep, listen to his soft breathing, see the slight rise and fall of the blankets with each breath. Stretching his senses, he could hear Zelgadis’ heartbeat,  _feel_  the life emanating from his healed soul. His attachment to these sounds, to Zelgadis’ living being, should have been a thing of discomfort, but Xellos had acclimated to the feelings; they had, after all, been plaguing—that wasn’t the right word; been a part of? become his duty? After much thought, he no longer saw it as negative—him for weeks. He had decided to accept them, accept whatever he had become, in his time drifting on the Astral plane after the lie to Zelas.

If the Golden Lord Approved, in Her Wisdom… Xellos could take solace that perhaps it was not so unnatural to the Chaos of his being after all. Perhaps, just as he had decided regarding Zelas, he should not let his assumptions about his own nature collar him, either—as difficult as it was to discount millennia of expectations and experiences. Those very assumptions had rendered Gaav’s behavior incomprehensible at the time, but not as much anymore. How odd to understand, to feel a sense of duty and loyalty to a mortal creature…

He would lie again, if it kept Zelgadis from harm.

So he watched, listened, sensed, stretched those senses beyond their room, beyond the inn, determined to keep the chimera safe, at least during this storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a while. Five years, actually. A lot has happened in that time, but I really just wanted to work on something relaxing and familiar. We’ll see how this unfolds.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

Finding Xellos seated by the bed when she checked in to take over for Gourry was one of the biggest reliefs of Lina’s life. He had been successful, clearly, if he had made it back. Or he had prevailed. Whichever was the case, she was glad to see him.

“Did Zel wake up at all?” Lina kept her voice to a whisper.

It wasn’t the question she needed to ask, but she wasn’t quite sure how to broach  _that_  issue—or if Xellos would want to share. Or, an even bigger question given the weird little path they were on: would he feel a duty to share? Lina had thought she was used to being thrown into bizarre situations, but lately it seemed like her definition of weird was going to wind up being way outside the norm.

Eh, she’d never liked ‘normal,’ anyway.

Xellos nodded shortly. “Gourry-san brought him dinner after I arrived.”

His attention seemed to be elsewhere, and Lina frowned, concerned. “Is there danger?”

The Mazoku turned toward her, and she realized he’d likely been watching Zel. She couldn’t decide if that was sweet or creepy. Protective versus obsessively stalkerish? This was Xellos, after all, so maybe it was a little bit from column A, and a lotta bit from column B.

“From what I can tell, the sorcerers are out of lesser Mazoku to send for the moment, and any mercenaries are stymied by the storm.”

He hadn’t said anything about Beastmaster. “And…?”

Xellos waved a hand, and Lina felt a barrier surround them. She tensed, but when he didn’t move she realized he was making their conversation private, shielding them from spying ears. And from Gourry and Zelgadis, who were not included. She wasn’t too keen on keeping things from them, but at the same time Zel had enough to deal with. So long as not knowing didn’t wind up hurting him.

“She believes I am investigating the matter.” He frowned, looking troubled. “I lied to her.”

“Good,” Lina responded absently, her mind turning on how long this might protect Zel.

Xellos stood. “Lina-san, I  _lied_  to her.”

She blinked, before realizing what he was actually saying. They had argued on this point before, whether misleading was lying, whether his pretense at being a benign wandering priest had counted as a lie—he had, after all, been a Mazoku priest. He had protested that he never lied, ever, implying that such a thing was not within his nature. But he was specifying; this time he had lied. Actually actively told an untruth.

And he had lied to his former master.

“Oh.” His nature. His changing nature. No wonder he was troubled. Lina wasn’t quite sure what to say to help with that, or if anything could be said, but there was a question that needed answering. “Did she believe you?”

That got a soft laugh in reply. It had a bit of an edge. “Lina-san, she would never suspect I could be capable of lying to her.”

He sounded tired, wistful; she couldn’t imagine how this was impacting him, but he’d been around for millennia, and had served the Greater Beast for his entire existence. This had to be as alien to him as, well, becoming the Vessel and General of the Lord of Nightmares was for her. And he had his own connection to Her to consider as well.

In addition to what he was apparently feeling for Zel.

What a mess.

“I implied the remaining Lords might be behind this,” Xellos explained. “She also wondered about the dragons.”

Lina winced. She didn’t really want Filia and little Val targeted, but at least Filia had broken from the rest of the golden dragons, and so hopefully wouldn’t be on the radar.

“I… did not rule it out, but focused her toward the other Lords. Strife among them will keep Dynast and Dolphin too busy to look into this matter.” Xellos seemed to notice her concern; not surprising, given what he was. “She believes I am her ally, that I will report developments to her. She does not know my true intentions.”

She watched him for a few moments, considering that information, then frowned at him. “Honestly, I don’t think I know your true intentions, Xellos.”

Neither did Zel, and that was maybe more important. Half of this entire debacle, Lina had wondered exactly whose side Xellos was on, even wondering if it might come to destroying him—not that she figured she’d be able to now that L-sama was involved. She was pretty sure they could trust him, so that wasn’t completely up in the air anymore, but she had to know for sure.

Xellos watched her in silence for a moment, and she wondered whether she’d pissed him off. But after a moment, a strange, almost self-depreciating (could Mazoku even do that?) smile curved his lips.

“Yare yare,” he murmured. “I suppose… I did decide them only today.”

That wasn’t exactly reassuring; did that mean he’d still been considering his intentions the other night? Even with planning to mislead his former master?

He seemed to pick up on her confusion. “It is not within Mazoku nature to wish to protect any but our masters,” he explained, almost in the academic tone of a lecturer. “But we established already that I no longer have one. So what is my nature?”

“Oh, hell.” Lina was really not in the mood for this. “To confuse the hell out of me? Please tell me you don’t expect me to actually answer that. What does that question have to do with your intentions?”

Xellos let out a short laugh. “Everything, Lina-san. My intentions are to protect Zelgadis-san from harm, and help remove the threats against him, which is what begs that question. My nature has apparently become quite foolish.”

“I wouldn’t call it foolish, Xellos.”

As she answered, she realized she might be biased on that. They could use his help—Zel especially. Maybe it was about as foolish as Zel helping someone he barely knew beat a Shard of Shabranigdu, but that was why she’d do the same for him, and maybe to a Mazoku that kind of bond would seem pretty foolish. Of course, that was probably why the Mazoku had lost the War of Monsters’ Fall, not that she was suicidal enough to posit that aloud.

“Nor, apparently, would the Mother of All.” The Mazoku shook his head. “Nearly ceasing to exist in what should have been a futile attempt to heal his soul seems to lack wisdom. And sanity.”

None of them were particularly prone to either, though, Lina figured. With everything they’d gone through over the past several years, this was almost par for the course—only this time they were hitting a hole in one.

“You’re not the only one,” she said finally. “Zel did the same thing. He was researching toward a fools’ errand with the black magic healing stuff. Some misguided attempt to help you, apparently.”

The irony struck her as a bit funny, really. Zel and Xellos making the same mistakes in different ways. But she could tell from the flummoxed look on Xellos’ face that he didn’t see it that way at all.

Before she had a chance to think about that, Zel made a strangled, pained sound from the bed, shifting in his sleep. Xellos was immediately at his side, the bewildered expression replaced by cold rage.

\--

At first he thought it was a dream, tendrils of magic raking at him from the Astral plane, trying to burrow into him. He was powerless to stop them, but he tried anyway. Then they were forcibly yanked from him, a strong barrier slammed in place, and Zelgadis jerked into full awareness to see Xellos, eyes open, anger oozing from him, standing next to the bed.

The realization that it wasn’t a dream, that he would have succumbed to the spell if Xellos hadn’t intervened, was enough to freeze Zel where he lay. He was vaguely aware of the scrape of steel nearby.

“Xellos! What are you—?”

But Lina broke off, clearly noticing the magic.

“Unfortunately, I am not able to counter the White magic, Lina-san.”

Zel barely heard him. He could feel the wisps seeking him on the Astral plane, trying to find a weakness in the barrier Xellos had erected. Its goal was to take him over, he knew, a sliver of familiarity connecting in his mind. He fought against panic, struggling with the urge to bolt.

Xellos’ hand on his shoulder startled him, but also steadied him, in part because he could actually feel his touch as though his skin was not made of stone.

“It will not get through the barrier, Zelgadis-san,” he murmured, his voice surprisingly gentle.

So he was safe from it; he worked to quell his emotions, taking a shaky breath. Zel wasn’t even quite sure he was fully awake, though the adrenaline rush was doing a fine job of destroying the remnants of exhaustion. In a moment of tired insanity, he was momentarily distracted trying to remember whether he’d ever had a worse wake-up call. He rather doubted it.

“Don’t bother with your sword, Gourry,” he heard Lina mutter testily.

Zel tried to focus and recognized Gourry had indeed unsheathed his weapon, looking for something to defend against—he had heard him pull it, he realized. As useless as the sword might be in this situation, he appreciated the blond’s readiness.

Lina crossed the room to where the tendrils were still questing, examining the magic with a critical eye. “It’s that hybrid thing again. I’m better with Black magic, you know. Zel’s the one who’s good with Astral.”

He let irritation with that work to overcome the whirling panic he was still fighting. He had told Lina, repeatedly, that she should diversify her magic, especially when he had been training Amelia in shamanic magic. She had the capacity and the intelligence for it.

“Given the purpose of the spell, Lina-san—”

Zel cut Xellos off, not wanting to hear what he already knew, that he could not work against this spell, despite all his training and studies. But he refused to allow this situation to paralyze him. He refused to be helpless.

“Lina, I told you to work on that. Destruction isn’t always the best option.”

“I know, I know!” The sorceress glared at Zelgadis, and it helped steady him further.

He could push away the panic now, burying it under the mantle of teacher. He made himself move, sitting cross-legged on the bed in an almost meditative position; that also helped to calm his nerves, though he could still feel the magic questing for him. He steadied himself, trying to find his center of calm.

“Guess you get to work on it now.” Zel refocused on the stern patience of the role. “Analyze.”

Lina gaped at him in disbelief. “Are you really turning this into some sort of test?”

A sound Zel recognized as stifled amusement drew his attention to Xellos, who wasn’t bothering to hide a smile.

“You always seem to do best with practicals, Lina-san.”

In an academic way, Zelgadis could appreciate the existential humor of the situation, but it still threatened to shatter his calm. A shiver ran through him, and he realized Xellos’ hand was still on his shoulder when the grip—one he could actually feel—tightened slightly. He managed to use the sensation to ground himself.

“Quiet, Xellos.” He focused on Lina. “Analyze it. Find the focus.”

Lina gave him a withering look, but did as he said, turning her attention on the magic. After a few minutes, she frowned. “You. Your skin, specifically, like it’s attuned to your golem aspect. I’m not sure how that’s even possible.”

Zel repressed a shudder. It wasn’t entirely surprising. He knew, thanks to Xellos’ discovery, exactly how that was possible. Just the thought that these sorcerers had parts of his body, were using them like spell components, made him feel ill.

“It is,” he managed, his voice barely a whisper.

That got her attention. “But they’d have to—” Her expression darkened abruptly as she realized the implications, implications Zel was just glad she didn’t say aloud. “Oh, they’re _dead_.”

Xellos, evidently, realized as well, from the sudden spike of bloodlust Zel felt, along with increased, almost painful, pressure on his shoulder. It was, thankfully, quickly repressed, but he found he wasn’t as bothered by it—he knew it wasn’t directed toward him. The chimera shrugged slightly, and Xellos removed his hand.

Zel forced himself back into the teacher role. “So that would be the Divining aspect of the spell.”

He managed to say that without inflection, though that twisted use of spirit shamanism disgusted him, the way it implied he was an object. He had years of experience with people who considered him a monster, being considered a  _thing_ , an object to be experimented upon, was far more degrading and dehumanizing. And now, knowing there was no cure…

He pushed that from his mind, trying to stay on track. “Continue your analysis.”

Lina muttered under her breath, but went back to her studies. She was picking at the spell with her hands, though she certainly couldn’t touch it. The motions were an aid to her concentration as she sifted through the spell. After a few minutes a look of horror spread over her face, and he knew the worst was yet to come. Zelgadis steeled himself.

“Zel…” She bit her lip, clearly not wanting to continue, but he waited patiently. “There’s spirit shamanism mixed with earth shamanism, kind of a hybrid Puppet spell. And I think the white magic is meant to prevent any spells from interrupting that one.”

Xellos’ bloodlust rose again briefly, and Zel tried to let that anger focus his own for a moment, overwhelmed as the despair he’d pushed away rushed back at him with a hurricane of other emotions. The wrath sharpened his focus; it was obvious the hybrid shamanism was meant to control his golem third, meaning it wasn’t what had been used on the Mazoku. That, apparently, was something else. It sounded too much like what Rezzo had used on him. It all came back to Rezzo.

He took a deep breath. “Can you tell where it’s coming from?”

This time it was Xellos who answered. “The direction we’ve been travelling. Near Atlass.” Lina nodded in agreement.

At least they were headed in the right direction, Zel supposed. And he would be going under his own control. Still, he wondered if he was walking right into a trap.

“Can you neutralize it?” he finally asked Lina.

She had gone back to picking through the spell, and hm’d thoughtfully in a way that reminded him slightly of Xellos. Then she smiled, the expression twisted with a sort of evil glee, which didn’t help the resemblance.

“I can do better than that. I’m gonna make it easier to find them.”

She didn’t bother to elucidate, and instead went back to picking at the spell, murmuring under her breath. It took a moment for Zel to realize she was actually adding a spell to the mix, and weaving what was there into a sort of feedback loop so the magic would be trapped in its own path, amplifying and moving back toward the focus. After a moment, the magic faltered briefly, then pulled back on itself like a snapped rubber band, disappearing into the distance.

Zelgadis let out a sigh of relief, sagging slightly, letting go of the semblance of calm he had been clinging to. The danger was over for now, and that was just about all he could handle thinking about.

“Hey, Lina. How are you going to make it easier?” Gourry asked, breaking the silence.

She grinned again, though the expression lacked mirth. “Well, we’ll just have to look for a crater.”

“Are you saying you added Fireball to the spell, Lina-san?” Xellos sounded truly curious.

Her smile turned smug. “It’ll explode when it hits the focus. They won’t be able to use it again.”

Which meant, Zel realized, that the stone they were using would be incinerated; Lina had likely added it to the mix with that intention. Regardless, he couldn’t bring himself to feel relieved, since he doubted they’d only taken two, especially if they’d harvested him for spell components. He wouldn’t be able to tell, since his golem body simply repaired the damage.

Regardless, he wasn’t safe. The sorcerers weren’t likely to stop at one try, regardless of the damage. Xellos had destroyed an entire laboratory, after all, and it hadn’t stopped them. But perhaps any trap planned for him in Atlass was likely to be destroyed by Lina’s spell.

He was so lost in thought, his mind racing, he didn’t realize Lina was calling his name until she poked him in the forehead with one gloved finger.

“Oi, earth to Zel. You okay?”

Zelgadis blinked at her for a moment, blankly realizing she actually wanted an answer to that question, and probably one that was an affirmative answer, which he really couldn’t give right now.

“I need a cup of coffee,” he said instead. Although the caffeine normally helped him wake up, he knew it would also calm his nerves—which desperately needed the help at this point.

Lina’s frown deepened. “Yeah, and won’t that make it harder for you to rest?”

Zel fixed her with a withering stare. “No more than what just happened.”

She winced. “Right. We were about to go get some food, so we can send some up for you. I’m going to talk to Amelia, let her know what we’re up against. She’s gonna hate that she slept through this.”

He knew it was necessary, but Zelgadis didn’t relish the thought of Amelia’s reaction. She’d already been treating him like he was fragile, and he hated that circumstances had made him so vulnerable. On the other hand, he wouldn’t have to tell her himself or be present for the conversation, which was definitely a plus. It was better to have two people who knew how to counter the spell.

“Just get me coffee before you eat.”

“And food,” Lina repeated. “You need to keep taking care of yourself.”

Zel nodded, though he wasn’t sure he could keep anything down at the moment. He was certain he needed to eat, but his entire body was too tense, his stomach a roiling knot of anxiety, for him to even think about food.

“You’re staying up here with him, Xellos?”

Gourry’s question made him abruptly aware of the Mazoku’s presence again, and the Astral barrier he was still keeping up so casually.

“Of course, Gourry-san.”

Zel hated that he felt thankful for that, but he didn’t have access to the kind of power Xellos had wielded to put up Astral shields so strong in the blink of an eye. While he might be safe if he created a barrier circle of sorts, his abilities in White magic weren’t as strong as his shamanism, and he also doubted the inn would appreciate a permanent pentagram on the floor of one of their rooms.

Xellos’ Astral barrier certainly wasn’t shamanic in nature, but Zel didn’t really want to think about where the power came from. He was probably better off that way. He could sense a sort of miasma around it, and he knew well enough how Mazoku gleaned their power.

He didn’t realize he’d zoned out again, lost in thought, until Gourry pressed a cup of coffee in his hand, and the aroma cleared his head a bit. Through the smell of coffee, he could also smell meat and potatoes, and thought maybe he could eat after all.

\--

The rage still coursed through Xellos, sharpening his focus with murderous intent, even after the magic snapped back to its origin. He was torn between the desire to stay and protect Zelgadis, and the need to follow the spell, to  hunt down and exterminate the sorcerers at the other end if they survived Lina’s Fireball. But he did not know how long it would take, and the chimera would be vulnerable to their attacks in his absence.

If only he could have the others keep Zelgadis somewhere safe, out of reach, while he worked. But it seemed nowhere was out of reach, not with the power this group of sorcerers seemed to wield. This incident had proved as much.

The nervous, chaotic energy of the shaman’s emotions faded slowly, the coffee and food giving a bit of energy which allowed him calm his mind.

No, Xellos realized; it wasn’t calm. It was detachment. The emotions still swirled chaotically, but a numbness had settled over Zelgadis, allowing him a façade of calm. But he could still feel the despair within the maelstrom, despair that had seemed to slice through Zelgadis like a blade when Lina had uncovered the spells.

A blade was an apt metaphor for the complexity of it, dense and sharp as though the despair had been folded over and hammered with other emotions to create a beautiful and terrible instrument of pain, some of the richest he had ever felt from a mortal.

And yet, Xellos hadn’t been comfortable absorbing the energy from it. Instead he had funneled the miasma into the Astral barrier around Zelgadis, enough that it would stay up for quite some time without needing to be maintained by his energy. The chimera’s protection being powered by the emotions forced upon him by those who wished to harm him seemed to be a perfect dichotomy.

The numbness started to fade as the exhaustion came back to Zelgadis, bringing the tumult of emotions back to the surface. Xellos realized with a frown the youth was actually afraid to sleep; despite the barrier, he felt vulnerable. It was not entirely rational, but he had found human emotions, particularly fear, often weren’t.

Zelgadis had barely moved from where he had slumped in a sitting position on the bed after the danger had passed. He seemed frozen by his emotions, in a way. Every so often, barely perceptible tremors ran through his body, the fear manifesting physically in a way the shaman couldn’t quite suppress.

From what he had gleaned from the conversation, as bizarre as he found the way humans used magic, the spell had been meant to copy Rezzo’s control on the golem aspect. Zelgadis could potentially shield himself from that spell, using the magic he drew from his demon aspect—assuming, of course, he knew how to create that strong of an Astral barrier. And assuming the next spell would not target Zelgadis’ demon aspect; that would not be easily countered, even by Xellos.

But, perhaps…

As strange as it would be for him to do so, Xellos could teach him how to draw on power directly. No one would expect that Zelgadis would have that ability, or for Xellos to teach him to use it, which could become a very strategic advantage. And the Mazoku could repay him for the surprising fact that he had looked for ways to save him—not that he could have. Only the Intervention of the Golden Lord had saved either of them, but the intention was what counted. Lina’s sense of irony regarding the situation was oddly fitting.

From a Mazoku standpoint, this was unthinkable, unwise. Traitorous, to an extent. But perhaps Lina’s viewpoint was one to embrace; from a non-Mazoku standpoint, his actions were not foolish. From a human standpoint, really, which was part of why it irked him; but, then, humans were also Creations of the Mother of All.

Xellos made a decision, reaching forward to flick the pointed tip of one of Zelgadis’ ears. At the very least, introducing the idea would help distract the chimera from his despair, or perhaps alleviate it entirely.

Zelgadis flinched at the sudden contact, then glared at him, a wave of irritation washing away the rest of his negativity. That was a start. “What do you want, Xellos?”

“I wondered about your Astral shielding abilities, Zelgadis-san.”

“What, like Vas Gluudo or Guumueon?” The shaman frowned, and the irritation faded a bit, his mind puzzling over the matter. “Neither of those would hold up to a spell like that. Vas Gluudo is too small, and Guumueon… I don’t think I could sustain that for long enough.”

Xellos didn’t bother to repress amusement. “Oh, human spells. Those are so very limiting.” That earned a sour look. “You do realize, with your complex nature, you need not be limited?”

It took a moment for Zelgadis to realize what he was saying, and then his reaction was an intriguing mix of disgust and curiosity.

Revulsion won out, and his features twisted in distaste. “Wonderful. I can use magic like a demon.”

“I’m not sure why that matters, Zelgadis-san,” Xellos answered mildly. It seemed foolish to deny his abilities, especially now, but it wasn’t entirely surprising the youth would focus on this as inhuman. “If you can use it to defend yourself, why would it?”

Zelgadis didn’t answer for quite some time, his emotions focused on the question, and on his distaste for the chimera he was—and, Xellos saw no point in reminding him, would always be. Regardless of knowing there was no cure, he still hated what Rezzo had made him. Though that was unlikely to change—as much as Xellos felt he should embrace his identity—it would do little good for him to ignore a benefit, especially in a situation like this, with him targeted because of his non-human aspects. That, at least, he seemed to recognize.

“Would it really matter?” the shaman finally asked. “They tried to use golem manipulation this time, but they obviously have other spells targeting Mazoku.”

“Protection against this spell is a start, at least.” Xellos shrugged, conceding the point. “It might not help if they target your demon aspect, but your abilities, should you acknowledge and develop them, would likely be useful in the future. You have far more potential than you seem to realize.”

That seemed to push the scale toward curiosity. And, regardless, Zelgadis was distracted from his vulnerability, the despair gone—or at least hidden in the recesses of his being for the moment. Xellos preferred to keep it that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Tsu and Chrissy for proofreading and offering encouragement.
> 
> I played a lot with the idea of how magic works in the Slayers!verse. A lot of the spells were based on inverse.org, though I obviously took some liberties with them. One of the things I figure about magic is that the Chaos words and spell components are something humans rely on to help gain access to and control the magic, and since people like Naga have actually created new spells (Vu Raywa), likely some sorcerers have unique spells which are not widely known. And we know Lina created Ragna Blade.
> 
> Xellos, being an Astral being, wouldn’t really need Chaos words or components, I figure—though we know he sometimes does use Chaos words for certain attacks.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zel gets an incomprehensible lecture on magic from Xellos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

_Chapter Thirty Two_

Zel had vetoed the idea of sleep, too wound up regardless of his exhaustion for it to really be an option. Though after trying to puzzle through the strangeness of what Xellos was attempting to teach him, a mind-numbing explanation that, to his mind, made very little sense, that could change very quickly.

Regardless of the incomprehensibility, Zelgadis tried to understand, but he wondered if it was a losing battle. He knew the Astral and physical planes were connected, in that all humans had small Astral ‘bodies’ of sorts, potentially enabling use of magic depending on whether they had enough capacity to power spells. His own capacity had been miniscule, until Rezzo’s spell. He knew how to draw power from the Astral plane using shamanistic spells, and was fairly well-versed in Astral shamanistic spells, which could impact the Astral plane.

But Zelgadis had no real understanding of _how_ the Astral and physical planes were connected, or how he might manipulate that connection to somehow draw Astral energy into the physical plane directly. He just couldn’t wrap his mind around the theory involved in drawing Astral energy directly and shaping it with intent. How could he manage something like that?

It didn’t help that this came as naturally to Xellos as breathing came to him, which likely meant he’d never had to attempt to explain it before—and wouldn’t have had reason to, anyway. Zel wasn’t quite sure he had reason now, but he had decided against questioning the Mazoku’s motivations. That went into territory he wasn’t sure he was ready to explore, and he would likely get a vague explanation anyway.

‘ _My motivations are my own_ …’

Regardless of his motivations, it was fairly clear Xellos was trying to help him, had for some reason been trying to ever since he’d found him in that tank. He’d gone so far as to disobey his master and nearly kill himself helping Zel survive. Despite what had happened in Seyruun, which there was at least a bit of an explanation for… He was, at the moment, an ally.

‘ _I would rather you live…_ ’

Zel struggled to force his attention back on the issue at hand as Xellos went off on what seemed to be a tangent on the way the Astral and physical planes’ relationships differed from the way Darkstar’s plane connected to their world, seeming to lump the Astral and physical planes together as one. He finally decided to interrupt, far too lost to even start thinking about that concept.

“Xellos, what I don’t understand is how the Astral and physical planes are connected.”

That got him an exasperated look. “I am trying to explain that, Zelgadis-san.”

“By bringing up Darkstar?”

“Well, yes.”

Zelgadis pinched the bridge of his nose, still trying to sort through what currently seemed to be random bits of information. “What does that have to do with the connection between the Astral and physical planes?”

“Everything! They’re completely different!”

Xellos didn’t seem to realize the contradiction between those two sentences, and Zel wasn’t sure how to even begin to explain how confusing he was being. For all he knew, it could make total sense to a Mazoku.

“Xellos, how can I understand the difference if I don’t understand either one?” he finally asked.

The Mazoku frowned, then opened his mouth before closing it again without saying anything. As much as Zelgadis was interested in learning how to access magic in the way Xellos seemed to think he was capable, quiet was actually an improvement.

Finally Xellos sighed. “It really isn’t easy to explain this in human terms, you know.”

“I doubt anyone has ever attempted to explain it before,” Zel commented absently.

He regretted speaking at all when Xellos smiled. “Well, like Lina, perhaps you would do better with a more _practical_ application.”

With that, there was abruptly something looming over him—not physically, but spiritually. His first reaction was to try to pull away from it, which set his chair off-balance since he wasn’t quite certain how to do that without moving physically. Something massive, chaotic, dark… and familiar.

It clicked; he had felt this presence before, twice recently, when Xellos had saved his life, preventing his soul from shattering and then helping to heal it. Truthfully, Zelgadis doubted he’d remember from just those experiences, given how badly off he’d been. But Xellos had also checked the damage when he’d been more aware, and he did remember that.

“Is that _you_?”

Oddly enough the realization made Zel feel less threatened, though he didn’t care to examine why.

“Your senses on the Astral plane could use sharpening, Zelgadis-san. I’ve been here all along.” Xellos’ smile was almost predatory. “Here I actually had to apply pressure. It seems I needn’t have been so careful to hide myself in the beginning after all.”

Zelgadis huffed at him, irritated. “I _can_ sense on the Astral plane, but it requires more concentration than is sensible in a battle.”

“Only because you never attempted to hone your abilities outside of battle.”  The Mazoku shrugged. “But that isn’t the point I was trying to make. You can sense more than most, which was why I initially went to lengths to hide myself on the Astral plane. You have the latent ability, though you’ve apparently never learned to use it.”

Which was apparently where Xellos came in. The shaman tried relaxing, tried transferring his awareness to the Astral plane, but was distracted when Xellos continued to talk.

“Really, you’re no stranger to the idea. After all, spells like _Ra Tilt_ are cast on both planes.”

He had just started to ‘see’ the outline of the massive maelstrom that was Xellos, but he lost focus. “Not without the incantation.”

“A human limitation,” Xellos commented flippantly.

Zelgadis bristled, but said nothing. The reminder that he would never be so _limited_ again wasn’t exactly welcome, especially not given everything he’d been through because of his changed nature.

“You exist for the most part on the physical plane. But what humans refer to as a soul is, in essence, an Astral body all living creatures have on the Astral plane, as odd as that might sound. Given your humanity, it is likely you would draw power differently than I would.”

His tone was almost apologetic, which didn’t exactly help Zel’s temperament. Really, it wasn’t the reminder that bothered him, so much as the reality. His ‘latent ability,’ as the Mazoku called it, was just another representation of the humanity he had lost, and that blackened his mood. Being a chimera had put him into this danger.

But perhaps it could also help him survive it, which was the whole point of this exercise. Zel forced himself to shake off the gloom. The idea of the Astral body being the same as a soul was intriguing, but he wasn’t sure it was useful.

“It’s not quite the opposite for me. I exist entirely on the Astral plane, and this,” Xellos indicated his body, “is a projection. I suppose you could say drawing energy to the physical plane is something I have had more practice with.”

A thought passed through Zelgadis’ mind, almost an understanding, but before he could grasp it, it was gone. It was like trying to put together a puzzle without an image to line up and make sense of.

“Projection? Like with light?”

“Hm?” Xellos tilted his head in a thoughtful manner. “I suppose that would be a good analogy. There are similarities.”

It wasn’t much, but at least now Zel had a frame of reference, though figuring out the rest of the analogy was likely to give him a headache. But perhaps if he was able to _see_ what Xellos was talking about?

“Can you demonstrate?”

“Manifesting power here?”

The Mazoku looked alarmingly like he was considering it and Zel quickly clarified.

“No, no!” He didn’t want to be responsible for any damages Xellos might cause—which could be the whole inn, with his power. And it would bring Lina running, no matter how benign the priest managed to be with his power. “I meant the projection.”

Xellos looked amused. “Ah, you wish to watch me manifest this projection of my power from the Astral plane. I assume watching from the Astral plane to see how my true body translates to this one?”

For some reason the wording irritated Zelgadis, almost implying he would be some sort of peeping tom. “You said you draw energy from the Astral plane to project yourself on the physical plane. So that body isn’t a body.”

“Oh, it’s certainly a body. As much as I wish it to be, anyway.”

Zel’s irritation flared, uncertain whether the Mazoku’s smile had turned into a leer or if that was his imagination, but he quashed it as he realized that was probably what the jerk was going for. “Whatever. Just demonstrate it.”

“My, so impatient.”

It came from an empty room, the Mazoku having phased out in a shimmer of purple energy.

The shaman worked to relax, focusing his awareness on the Astral plane—not easy while still fuming—and after a bit of concentration he could sense the maelstrom that was Xellos. After the glimpse earlier, he had thought he knew what to expect, but the shimmering chaos was almost mesmerizing, massive and intimidating.

He felt lost for a moment, hypnotized by the pulsating mass, but a sliver of energy thrust from that maelstrom and he turned his focus on it. He watched it draw on the power of its surroundings until that sliver of energy seemed to form a sort of convex meniscus, as though on the surface of water pulling out. The energy amplified itself and pulled _through_ its surroundings, onto what Zel could only assume was the physical plane.

The light analogy only went so far, since the properties seemed more liquid-like. Any analogy he might come up with would likely be incomplete at best. He tried to look more closely at the way the energy was being manipulated, but was pulled into the physical plane when he nearly fell off the bed as a result, his physical body having moved with his Astral senses.

Xellos was watching him, eyebrow raised in question, when he was able to steady himself, and Zel knew the unasked question: Did he need another demonstration? Since he didn’t fully understand exactly how the Astral energy was pushed (pulled?) through to the physical plane, he nodded.

When he pulled his attention back to the Astral plane, the shaman was distracted again by Xellos’ Astral body, which had shifted closer—to allow him to sense better? he wondered. He wasn’t quite sure why he found it so… enticing. Terrifying and strangely alluring in its alien nature.

That line of thinking was more than a little discomfiting, and he was relieved when he could focus on that tendril of energy pushing forth and starting the transfer to the physical plane.

Zelgadis kept his senses on the energy as it drew off the Astral form, the sliver pushing out, and then _did_ fall off the bed in the physical plane when he realized how the transfer between planes was occurring.

He didn’t try to get up immediately, his mind digesting what he had just seen, starting to comprehend it. Xellos’ mention of Darkstar abruptly made sense; the barrier between the Astral and physical planes on their world was porous. The barrier between their world and the world of Darkstar was not meant to be.

All that was necessary to bring the energy to the physical plane was manipulating Astral energy, and then finding and pushing through the stomata that connected the two planes. They were almost anatomically connected, in a bizarre fashion, the transfer requiring a manipulation of the selective permeability of the barrier between them to allow the diffusion of the energy into the physical plane.

And, if Zelgadis was right, that Astral energy could be used to form any sort of magic—black, white, or shamanic. The potential applications were tremendous, opening many potential doors for research—absolutely fascinating.

“Did you figure it out, Zelgadis-san?”

Movement caught his attention and he realized that Xellos had squatted in front of him, looking rather amused. It pulled him back to the present, and back to the situation that would make any real research impossible at the moment. He’d have to find the practical uses and research in more depth later.

Assuming, he couldn’t help thinking darkly, there was a later, that he survived.

“I think so,” he finally said. “The barrier seems to be a bit like skin—human skin, anyway.” Not that he had that anymore. “Permeable. If I can figure out how to find the ‘pores,’ I should be able to draw energy. Then it’s a matter of controlling it.”

The Mazoku tilted his head, the amused expression fading. “You seemed so pleased a moment ago, and yet now… It’s quite hard to keep track of your emotions, you know.”

“Then quit trying,” Zel snapped, then sighed, waving a hand apologetically. Xellos wasn’t the cause of this, and, being Mazoku, he could hardly help noticing his emotions. “I just wish I had more time to study it. But there’s not.”

Xellos’ expression was unreadable by this point, but he held out a hand. Zel took it, accepting help to his feet.

“You have perhaps a day before the storm ends and we can continue on to Atlass. Like Lina-san and Ragna Blade, you may have to master this on the way.” He shrugged. “Hopefully, once we’ve finished there, you’ll have plenty of time.”

Zel shook his head. “They’re luring us there, so I don’t trust in that. It’s likely a trap, and not their real base of operations. Hopefully Lina took care of the trap part with that spell, but I doubt we’re close to finishing this.”

A silence stretched for a moment, punctuated by the rattling of the window in the storm. Then to the shaman’s surprise, Xellos smiled.

“That will give you more time to master Astral magic, at least.” His tone was almost cheerfully flippant. “And if you at least get started now, the more mastery you’ll have—and the more you’ll be able to use it against them.”

As much as Xellos’ glib attitude grated on him—this entire situation was hardly something to take lightly—Zel had to admit he was right; he had at least a little time to work on learning how to manipulate Astral energy, which was much better than none.

And at least for the moment, they were isolated and he could concentrate on the initial difficulty of penetrating the barrier between the planes.

\--

Lina was only on her fifth dessert when she felt it, a tendril of Astral magic that didn’t belong. She wouldn’t have noticed it at all, but her senses were still attuned to it after reworking that spell—and after explaining the situation to Amelia they’d talked about the need for vigilance in case it happened again.

Amelia stood at the same time she did, clearly recognizing it as well. And where—it was coming from Zel’s room. Perhaps worse, she didn’t sense Xellos’ power, and he was supposed to be protecting the chimera.

Gourry looked between them, confused. “Lina—?”

But she was already moving to the stairs, Amelia right behind her. As she ran, Lina started the incantation to a variation of _Bogyo Kekkai_ that would allow her to cast a barrier of protection around Zel. She could hear Amelia starting _Flow Break_ , which hopefully they wouldn’t need—but if they did…

Where the hell was Xellos?

She kicked open the door in time to catch a glimpse of Zel manipulating a tendril of Astral energy before his concentration shattered and the magic snapped, buffeting him in a bit of backlash. He fell to the floor, dazed and wincing.

Xellos frowned at her. “Lina-san, really!”

He actually seemed to be _scolding_ her.

Lina gaped at him, not sure what to say, not quite sure what the hell she’d just interrupted. She let the spell she’d been casting fizzle out harmlessly.

Amelia rushed past her to Zelgadis and that snapped her back to reality. There was a singe mark across his forehead, the only physical evidence of what had happened. Magical backlash wasn’t fun; she could attest to that. But that hadn’t been a spell Zel had been manipulating, but the stuff of spells. Pure Astral energy, which meant Xellos was involved somehow.

Since he didn’t seem to be in any condition to talk for now, she turned her attention to Xellos, concentrating on doing her best impression of a looming avatar of death.

“Explain, Xellos. Now.”

Lina used her most menacing voice and was slightly mollified when Xellos let out an uneasy little titter, holding his hands up as though in surrender.

“Well, Lina-san, it’s a bit complicated!”

The Mazoku glanced in Zel’s direction, as though expecting his help, but Amelia was casting _Recovery_ on him, and he didn’t seem to be in any condition to hold a conversation if his difficulty focusing his eyes was any indication. Lina refocused on Xellos and stalked closer, forcing his attention back on her. He only seemed to drag it back reluctantly, and she recognized he was likely concerned for Zel, but she didn’t let that distract her.

“Uncomplicate it, then.”

Xellos sighed.

“ _Saa_ … I was considering how Zelgadis-san might be able to shield himself from that spell, and I realized he might be able to manipulate Astral energy directly—”

“Wait, directly?” Lina considered what he might mean by ‘directly,’ and realization hit her like a _Fireball_. “You mean without spells and components? That’s dangerous, not to mention impossible!”

“I felt it was unlikely Zelgadis-san would have those limitations.”

He meant human limitations, she knew, and he had chosen his words carefully out of deference to Zel. She couldn’t help but appreciate that consideration, and hoped Zel did, too. She couldn’t help feeling jealous—having direct access to magical energy without needing spell components and incantations seemed like a dream to her.

But it wasn’t for Zel. He hated being a chimera, and given recent events she couldn’t really blame him. So Lina kept her mouth shut on that. But she did need to have a talk with Xellos about putting Zel in more danger through unsafe experimentation—though not necessarily in front of Zel.

“‘Might be’?” The chimera had brushed off Amelia’s _Recovery_ , healed at least enough to focus in on their conversation, and he didn’t sound pleased. “You were guessing?”

Lina couldn’t hold in a sigh. Maybe she’d been hoping for too much on Zel noticing Xellos’ consideration.

“No, Zelgadis-san, not guessing so much as… I felt it was within your capacity.” The Mazoku looked distinctly uncomfortable. “At least, as a result of having had contact with your Astral body… But I did not have concrete evidence to prove it, until now.”

It was odd to see Xellos, for lack of a better word, babbling. Him attempting to explain himself at all was weird enough, but he seemed to be trying to prevent Zel from getting pissed off at him—which Lina wasn’t sure he’d be able to manage.

Zel just stared at Xellos for a moment, though, then nodded as though accepting his answer. The nod was followed quickly by a wince, and Lina frowned in concern.

“So basically a magical hypothesis,” the shaman managed after a moment.

“Precisely.” Xellos seemed relieved.

“One worth looking into, regardless of the potential danger,” the chimera added pointedly.

Lina scowled at him, well aware that was meant for her. “Only if you’re _careful_ , and you guys weren’t. That would’ve left a hole in your head if it wasn’t rock.”

“I was doing fine until you kicked in the door,” Zel muttered.

She drew herself up to her full height, doing her best to loom. “Yeah, well I thought it was those sorcerers again! I thought you were in trouble!”

“She didn’t even finish dessert,” Gourry added. “That’s how you know she was worried.”

Lina was about to clobber him—she didn’t want to hit Zel, and Gourry made an easy target—but Amelia backed him up.

“Lina-san thinks if we can keep our senses out for it and see it coming, we should be able to help shield you from it, Zelgadis-san.”

“I didn’t realize,” he murmured, and the look on his face startled her out of her anger. She couldn’t even put a name on his expression, like he felt less vulnerable now, grateful for the help, and maybe a little surprised. That last bit irritated her a bit.

“Well, yeah, you jerk.” Lina crossed her arms, doing her best to sound brusque, backing off a bit. “We’re in this together. You’re not gonna deal with this alone.”

“We’re not letting them take you back, Zel,” Gourry added, stepping forward to help the chimera to his feet.

Zel winced again as the blond helped him up, and didn’t seem able to coordinate his movement as he should have.

Lina had, early on, suffered minor magical backlash with failed spells. Not anything recently, of course—like that would happen!—but she knew how much it hurt. And she was sure pure magical energy backlash was even worse. At least they were stuck in the snowstorm and he’d have time to rest.

Amelia pumped a fist in the air. “We’ll teach them the meaning of Justice!”

“I don’t think they’ll have the opportunity to learn that before we destroy them, Amelia-san,” Xellos murmured. “But there certainly will be justice.”

Lina really doubted they had the same definition of justice—though in this case they just might. Xellos’ was probably a bit bloodier and more horrifying.

After the Mazoku’s reaction to Amelia’s earlier comment, though, she decided to keep her thoughts to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, hi.
> 
> It's been a rough couple of years. Sad part? I've had most of this chapter written for ages. And now it's out. Hopefully more will come sooner than in another few years. 
> 
> Hope folks enjoy the magical theory in this chapter.


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